Need some advice that I’m doing the right thing to distance myself from parents.

[Enchanted82]

My mum is late 60’s and dad early 70’s. They decided to retire abroad (France).
mum has always had an alcohol dependency to some degree but it wasn’t until i left home at 18 and the drinking got worse and she would drink at work, embarrass herself in front of people and as the years have gone by she can go a few weeks or even months not drinking but then she back on it.
I have tried, begged, threatened, everything I can think of for a good 15 years now and she is still in denial or if she does listen to me she tells me I make it worse by talking about it and this time she will stop.
I’ve finally accepted this is who she is and I will never get the bottom of why she is hurting herself and when I ask her she tells me ‘I don’t know’
here is where I need some advice- my dad has put up with this and has no intention of leaving her even though the drinking has basically made him resent her so much. He is now awful to her, rude, argumentative, and clearly he can’t stand her. When I’ve tackled him about his behaviour he tells me I’m talking nonsense. So now I have an alcoholic mum who says awful things to me when drunk and a dad who is rude and critical of me ( I assume because he is just angry at life)
my dad says I need to cope better with my mums situation and stop shielding my 8 year old daughter from her drunk escapades and she needs to understand and is apparently old enough?!?!?
this isn’t right is it? They are my parents but they are hurting me and I don’t want my daughter witnessing this poor behaviour!

Sounds pretty perfect that they've retired abroad, no need to see them or expose your child them or their bullshit.

You’re doing exactly the right thing protecting your daughter from them.

Protect your daughter from them, put her first, your parents are toxic.

I’d give them a wide berth, @Enchanted82. You could choose to go completely no contact with them, but that creates a lot of ripple effects too, so it’s definitely not an easy option.

Alternatively, you could just let contact dwindle to the bare minimum - a birthday card here, the odd call there, and just be ‘very busy’ with work and life…and see how that feels, Your parents aren’t likely to change now, but you can control how much you let them into yours or your family’s life.

Fwiw, I did go no contact with my own alcoholic father and his destructive and enabling family, and I’ve not let them near my children. It hurts a lot, but I don’t regret it for a second, and my children know a peace that I never did.

Thanks for the replies. Just distancing myself feels so awful, I’m such an idealist and all I ever want is to have one big happy family,, parents who are relatively ‘normal’. I know they are not and my dad thinks family comes first no matter what and that I should have to endure my mothers behaviour because she is my mother and a doting daughter looks after her mother no matter what. I can’t do that because it will ruin me.

Surely if they live in France it's pretty easy for you to keep your distance?, I'd start missing telephone calls or cutting them short because your 'busy'

@Ilikewinter yes absolutely it’s easy to keep my distance. It’s more my own inner struggle that feels guilty and my dad making me feel like I’m the most terrible selfish person on the planet for doing so

It's very sad but you are doing the right thing.

You are doing the right thing. Protect your daughter

Do what you need to do OP. Protect your child. Don’t waste another moment worrying about this.
I have an alcoholic father and it took so long (and so much effort to try and help him on my part) before I let go and realised nothing I do or say makes the slightest difference to him.
I love him, and I still tell him I love him whenever I see him, but I will not spend any more energy trying to help. I think he has sensed this because I still see my mum a lot but engage with him much less than I used to. For my own sanity I have had to let him go.
It’s very sad, but that’s alcohol for you. I despise it.

You are family and your mum and dad have never put you first. What your dad says about your 8 year old being old enough to witness the drunken rants of her grandmother is absolutely awful and bordering on abusive.

Protect your daughter and yourself and take a huge step back.