What are you elderly DFs like at 80ish?

[willingtohelp]

My DF is 80. And we’ve noticed a bit of a change in the last couple of years. He’s still active but just not quite like he was in his late 70s. He also has a bad back now which gives him some trouble. I have also started to notice he seems a bit more troubled by things, like he’s not as happy as he used to be. I think he’s annoyed he’s getting older.
What are your Dads like? Physically, mentally and emotionally?

At 80 my dad was doing really well, still "running" round the village. He's aged a lot in 2 years, he now walks really slowly and is always tired.

He does still go swimming and dancing but he has to be more careful as he's a bit wobbly. He also has a classic car project which he has been building from shell up. This is something he has done for years, 3rd car resto in the last 15 years but probably his last.

Tbh my mum has been hard work as she had 2 years where she couldn't walk properly and had cancer treatment too but she's now more mobile but he worries about her falling so he still goes everywhere with her which I think is why he's so tired as he'd rather stay home!

So overall noticeably more aged in 2 years but still active for his age, just slowly!

Oh forgot to say he also struggles remembering things and gets really frustrated when we do things like trivial pursuit as he knows the answer but can't remember. He's the king of trivia so it's hard to accept!

Both my Dad and FIL were really good health wise early 80’s. My Dad at 84 was diagnosed with lung cancer and had extensive treatment, which they said had gone. 6 months later he became confused, said my birthday cards were for him and he couldn’t find his usual items in the supermarket. 3 months later he was admitted to hospital, we were told nothing, just that he would need a lot of care so advised to find him a care home. My brother looked after him at home, he hated having to be looked after and definitely took the stuffing out of him, but his short term memory was bad and he became bed bound with carers coming in 4 times a day. He stayed at home for 4 months but one day declined any food or medication so he was admitted to hospital and died 3 days later. Death certificate said lung cancer, and although nobody explained we think the cancer probably spread to his brain. My FIL was in great health, despite having had bowel cancer, AF and diabetes, then from 85 he was in and out of hospital for short periods of time, but there was always problems with getting medication right, so these stays were always extended. At 88 he contracted gangrene in one foot and was in hospital, where they promised to operate every day, for 10 days, but this never happened. We saw him on the Friday, spoke to him on the phone Saturday, he was very upbeat and the following morning he had died.

My DF is 82 and he's in pretty good nick. He has coronary artery disease, for which he's had several stents fitted, but he is religious about staying fit, staying slim and eating what his cardiologist tells him to. He walks his two large dogs for an hour most days, he still travels abroad on holiday, he drives long distances confidently, his eyesight and hearing is good, he does a volunteer job once a week, plays golf once a week, he shops and gardens and reads, sees friends, entertains and is really good company. Yes, he's a little more forgetful and slow than he was, he goes up to bed a little earlier than he once did and he's a bit stooped, but he's always been an optimist and he remains so. For now, I'd say he is happy and has a good quality of life. Long may it last!

My dad is 83, he’s aged quite a bit in the past 2-3 years. He was always very active but he now has arthritis in his ankles and it’s having quite a dramatic effect on him, he now shuffles and is stooping a little. He might have to give up playing bowls which I’d upsetting him.

It’s awful to watch your parents age, although they’re still very social and have lots of friends they spend time with. So life is still good for then.

Mine is 81, has aged hugely over the last 4 years. Extremely lonely but simultaneously bolshy so often refuses to go to things. Doesn’t help that he’s very deaf and struggles in noisy environments/when he can’t lip read. I think he’s depressed. We’re finding it hard to watch this happen.

Mine had aged physically in the last few years and developed AF and diabetes and walked with difficulty (never got to the bottom of that) and had started to get a little confused and quieter but only niggles . Sadly passed away soon after his 80th but it was still a shock as his medical issues weren’t that bad and whilst we thought he was as at the start of a bit of deterioration we didn’t think it would come so soon. Trying to comfort myself with the fact that he did make it to 80 and went suddenly and actually had pretty good quality of life and had been enjoying things until that point really - I guess not so many do and things do start becoming bigger issues in the 80s

My father is 79 and has aged quite a lot in the last 3 years. He’s still active and drives but gets tired much more quickly, he’s miserable and thinks everything in the world is turning to shit. He’s going deaf and misses half of what’s being said but refuses to use a hearing aid. His driving has slowed down and he’s loosing his confidence with journeys he doesn’t know but will still go to Cornwall as it’s somewhere he’s been driving to for years. He repeats himself a lot and I’m beginning to see how the elderly can be swindled out of their life savings as he believes everything he reads in the papers and gets easily overwhelmed with modern technology. Hes become very reliant on my db and I for any decision making.

Mine goes dancing 3-4 times a week and sometimes he's the DJ as well

Cut the grass, washes the car, keeps the garden nice but hires in a handyman for any heavy work.

Likes going on hols every couple months but not sure he will go abroad again now.

I would say he has a rest or a nap most afternoons.

Mine is 86 and still appears in reasonable good health. Has aches and pains and is slower in walking. He also has an hiatus hernia, which troubles him, but he doesn’t want surgery at his age. He still drives and socialises. My mum is very similar (83) and I think they keep each other going. When one dies, the other is likely to go downhill fast, I imagine.

Dad's 78 and just back from a month long touring holiday of a lifetime. He's had one knee replaced and is on statins but is physically fine. He has had periods of being being forgetful and driving dodgily but he got hearing aids - finally - last year which has improved things immeasurably.

My dad was amazing until 90 when my mum (86) who was also amazing had a horrible diagnosis and death
He was not too bad until he was 92 and developed epilepsy. This and the drugs he us on really slowed him down.
Aged 86 (pre COVID) he was swimming and going to the gym twice a week.
My FIL was physically a bit slow until 97 when his heart failure worsened and he died a few weeks ago. He was partially sighted and very deaf but loved at home independently until he went into hospital a month before he died. Both of them did a lot of excersise daily and I think this helps physically

My dad ( no longer here), was full of beans, walking , being on his allotment, 1st at a party and last to leave and only went downhill when mum died, she never made her 80's. He missed her terribly and died exactly 6 months after mum, he was 83.

My dad’s 79, and he has aged a lot in the last couple of years. Physically, he has arthritis in his knee and needs a replacement but this has not happened due to other medical issues. He’s very slow, in pain / dazed by co-codamol and shuffles around a lot - I don’t think he realises how restricted he is by it. if he fell, he stumbled or tripped, he’d go straight down, he hasn’t got the strength or speed to correct himself.

He’s also slowed down mentally, struggling to make decisions and he’s not able to plan and carry out projects like he used to. He’s always been very handy, great at DIY and garden projects, but now the projects and basic home maintenance are stacking up as he’s not getting through them - but refuses to get anyone else in to do it 🤷‍♀️ My mum is finding this very hard as she’s the same age and still very quick. they have a big garden, so there is always a lot to do.

He’s never been the most sociable of people, preferring the company of family over friends, but now it seems family are the only people he wants to see. This is hard as neither my sister not I live locally. Also hard for my mum as she’s very sociable, but she doesn’t want to go to every local event on her own and he’s pretty much refusing to go 🤦‍♀️. They live in a rural location, small village, so they are quite isolated anyway.

And he’s become much more anxious and distrustful of people. He worries far more about my children than I do.