Just need to vent my sadness somewhere

[Forthelovagod]

Woke up sobbing saying i love you mum. Had a horrible dream my mum in her demented state said i didn't care about her.

Dad had a breakdown last September, hospitalised and diagnosed with lewy body dementia. Still in locked ward. Heartbreaking and feel in constant state of grief and guilt.

Mum has mild dementia. At home. Carers cone in and her sister and my brother within 10 mins. I'm 4/5 hours away. Constantly tells us she just wants to die.

I just feel so heartbroken. Like ive lost 2 parents in a short space of time. They're only in their 70s and have been healthy until covid.

I just don't know what to do with the grief. Im doing all i know to stay afloat, exercising, good bedtime routine, talking to family and friends but i feel broken inside and its not about to get better.

How do you manage this long term grief? Top tips please 🙏

No tips to offer I'm afraid, but just sending you a virtual hug.

Hi ya on face book there's a dimentia and altzimers group , to explain , l am William and my wife who passed with vascular dimentia after 5 years l know how you feal , talking is good to friends, on private Facebook groups etc or possibly councilling as well ,l must make clear l am mid 70 s , please don't say you are sorry , l am 7 months from my loss making good progress, l understand how you feel , my suggestion of Facebook is just a something to help , or if you have a good gp this could help ,all the best William to you it's not an easy journey though

So sorry this is happening. Been through it myself. It's grim, because you have to confront the fact that you literally can't make things right for them no matter how much you want to. You can only do the partial limited amount you can to help, and then accept and forgive yourself for not being able to do the impossible. 💐

I am so sorry you are going through this. It must be immensely painful. We have dementia on my maternal side and went through the same with my nan. I don’t think there’s any meaningful suggestions I can make to help you to deal with the grief, but in case it gives you any ideas I will share something. My mum and I were talking recently about when my nan was suffering with dementia and my mum read her a favourite poem and my nan smiled - my mum has held on to that, some contact and connection and a moment of happiness for her mother who felt very far away at the time. So, maybe it’s worth thinking about poems, songs or stories your parents might enjoy and, on some level, recognise or remember? Smells that might be familiar as well can be helpful. It’s not much, but it might be worth trying. From my family’s experience, having been there as much as possible - which is not necessarily as much as you would like - and read to the family member, talked to them and told them you loved them, brought some comfort later. The other thing I would say is that, from the experience of my family with dementia and with other illnesses, such as terminal
cancer, the painful grief of watching a loved one suffer with dementia means that in some ways a significant amount of the grief is worked through when the loved one is still alive. I am very sorry you and your parents are going through this.

Focus on what you control
Do not rule out help with your mental health. Anti depressants and counselling have helped me hugely