Hallucinating that people are not there

[frogpigdonkey]

Hello all
looking for any common experience and advice here. My father has seemed to deteriorate in his mental function very steeply and recently. I’ve seen a slow loss of executive function in the last year but in the last 2-3 months he has had some really weird episodes. He has had a couple of what I would see as breaks from reality, where he is ranting and raving about things that aren’t real and scenarios that can’t be. He was extremely abusive to me on text and then on the phone about me having been at his home and taken his (non existent) girlfriend away and leaving her somewhere. He didn’t seem to really know who I was. Most of the time he is more rational sounding but will come out with non sequiturs and seem confused about basic things. More lately he has been very insistent that lots of people have been in his flat who haven’t been (his sister, an ex girlfriend and an ex wife). He almost always talks about going away with them but the calls me from the flat and says he doesn’t really know what happened but they aren’t there now.

I’ve tried to help him- I’ve tried to clean his (filthy) flat but he won’t let me. We’ve been to his doctors together and got a referral for a memory clinic (which needs a blood test first which will take 6 weeks,) and suggestions about social care but nothing really concrete or immediate. I’ve considered calling adult social services (he lives 70 miles away) but I’m conflicted- I’m his only real social contact and I worry that it will be a big breach of trust. But he’s deaf, limited mobility and struggling, and sometimes wants help and sometimes insists he is fine. His pace of deterioration and the jumps from a bit rational to absolutely raving and hallucinating worry me most. The advice for dementia seems to be not to contradict their delusions but I don’t know how to convince him he’s hallucinating and needs more help without doing this. Anyone had similar experiences and any advice? I’ve lived through a slow decline in vascular dementia with my mum but this feels very different.

Thanks @Limehawkmoth that’s a useful reality check. I’m so sorry for what you and your loved ones went through. I don’t know if it’s good or bad but he wanted to go home today and they decided he didn’t have capacity to decide that at the moment. So he’s effectively there until they agree a plan for him to go home. Seems to be undergoing very extensive testing to rule out infection (or find it and treat it) as well as CT scans and meetings with the mental health team. Going up tomorrow to see him and also speak to the doctors and get a better sense of where we are. Unfortunately I don’t have POA and if they have decided he now doesn’t have capacity that window is closed so it seems working with them is the best option. As hard as it sounds I’d rather he was detained against his will than being out and being a risk to himself. And totally agree on the care- the last few weeks have shown me I can’t care for or help him as he needs, and that trying will just break both of us. I’m still very sad but think he’s in the right place to get some help- he couldn’t have gone on as he was.

And thanks for all the other advice. Sadly it seems more help comes when the behaviour is impacting others than the individual- you can sit and quietly struggle for months but when you start impacting different people more intervention happens. I’m very determined not to be part of the care plan, not because I don’t care and won’t help, but because I’m afraid if they think someone is there they just leave you to it.

So another update, he has been in the hospital for 2 weeks. His medical testing took only a couple of days and there was nothing there- no infections, no stroke, nothing medical they can treat. The doctors and social services have been excellent and despite no formal diagnosis he’s being discharged on Monday into a care home specialised in dementia and mental health. Even better, it’s only 20 miles from me- he lives 70 miles away so it will make helping him much easier. He’s going willingly because he is aware something is wrong. I’m cautiously optimistic but frankly, even if he hates it he will be safe. Still a long way to go but feels like progress.