Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Elderly parents

MiL relationship break down.

3 replies

BillyWind · 01/08/2025 19:25

The backstory: 3.5 years ago 82yo MiL moved in with SiL and her partner. Wider family advised against this as they have clashed in the past. We, and other family live over 2 hrs away, so we supported their decision. They thought it was best as MiL wasn't eating properly.
MiL paid for a bathroom renovation to make it suitable for her needs. The house is big ish so they were confident about it working.

Today: the relationship between MiL and SiL has broken down. Both are very unhappy and realise what a mistake it was. SiL's mental health is suffering and MiL is in tears. A toxic environment. After much discussion MiL has said that she will move into wardened accommodation. She is very frail and a fall risk. This seems best for all. But.... how do we start this process off?
MiL has about £10k in savings but nothing else. We've been trawling the care choices page of their LA but not sure about funding. How do I find this stuff out ?
Thought its been bubbling for a while its really erupted this week and we know nothing will happen quickly but we need to make a start.
Has anyone else been through this? Would appreciate any advice...

OP posts:
Apothecary266 · 01/08/2025 19:45

You contact the council and say she's being made homeless. Also mention that she is frail etc. I'd imagine social services will assess her. Be warned though, there might not be anything suitable for her. You might have to look at private renting and apply for housing benefit etc.

Holesintheground · 01/08/2025 19:57

Has MIL been living in the same local authority area this whole time? Did she previously own, rent or have housing association accommodation?

As a starter I would phone or email the adult social services team at the local authority and ask for both a care assessment and a finance assessment to be done. She is currently below the level of savings where you'd have to contribute. But the move to SIL house plus the amount she paid towards the bathroom may complicate things.

What about a sheltered housing complex that has a restaurant on site and so on, so she wouldn't need to cook?

BillyWind · 01/08/2025 21:33

Thanks for your replies.
She rented but didn't claim housing benefit as she had savings. She's lived in the same area for 30+ years.
We will contact adult SS.
There's talk of her going away for 2 wks so both they can both have a break but MiL is turning everything down as unsuitable. This is going to be complicated. MiL is hard work and can be nasty at times but I think she is feeling very unwanted and in limbo which is making her even more difficult.

(We haven't said it but we want to 'why the fup did you move in together when you clearly hate each other, this was inevitable!!') Ah. That feels better.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page