Sister forced mum into care home far away - is there anything I/ social services/ other can do?

[theres]

Hello I wonder if there is anything you can advise on what I can do to help my mother. Apologies for the length of this post

A bit of background
Mum is 83 and reasonably fit. She moved to live in same town as me about 10 years ago. She has lived well and been involved in her grandchildrens' lives in that time - seeing us once or twice a week.

In the past year her behaviour has been getting more erratic and she has been diagnosed with demntia. We we have been getting carers in and tracker etc to ensure she is ok; she needed help 4-5 times a week which at times has been tiring. We have been talking to social services etc to get referrals to day centres and more help. Their opinion was that she may eventually have to go to a care home but that we should work to maintain her independence as much as possible until then.

Two months ago sister (older, childless) came to visit mum. She was shocked at her decline (sister usually only visits once/ twice a year and mum has noticeably declined since Christmas). She took mum away to her house for a break. (she lives about 180 miles away/ awkward 4-5hour drive). Whilst staying with her she took her to a care home to look around and unknown to me put mums name down. When they returned she announced that mum had agreed to go into the home and that she would be taking her next day. I spoke to mum and she was confused and I dont think she understood what she had agreed to (if she had agreed it)

Anyway next day they went and she has been installed in care home near sister. Obviously her ongoing social care here all stopped and as far as I know she has been deactivated on the system as she is out of area.

Now, two months on, I have made a few visits to the home - it all seemed nice enough but its still a care home. For the past two weeks we have been getting daily phonecalls from mum saying how she misses seeing us, especially the grandchildren, and she feels imprisoned and how uphappy she is. Sister will not conceed that she is not happy. Meanwhile we have taken steps to put mums house for sale so that she can afford to pay the care home fees. There is no council funding involved. Mum has said that she would like to be nearer us as she wants to see grandchildren.

I am concerned about my mother and wondered if I contacted social services near the home whether a social worker would be able to go and visit mum and take an independent view or is there anything else we could do? Would there be scope to move her to a home near us even it went against my sister's wishes?

Any advice gratefully received!

If your mum wants to move near you it is up to her not your sister.

It all sounds incredibly difficult. Who has POA?

Contact adult safeguarding at your local authority who hopefully can then liaise with their colleagues in the new local authority. They can arrange an assessment and ensure your mum is where she wants to be, not where your sister thinks she should be.

Have either of you got PoA for Welfare and/or finances? Without that your sister should not have acted unilaterally. Equally, what you are describing potentially amounts to an unlawful deprivation of liberties, which would be a safeguarding issue. You need to contact the safeguarding teams in both your area and your sisters so they can go out to assess.

Finally, has your Mum had a recent mental capacity assessment? Mental capacity is decision specific and acting in someone's best interests should be based on a full assessment of need. Your Mum is legally entitled to (a) as care act assessment (b) a mental capacity assessment and (c) a financial assessment. Even with PoA in place.

Only then, can the final decision be made about what is in your Mum's best interests. At the moment you are stuck because you and your sister clearly have different views, and your Mum's views are getting lost in the process. My advice is get the professionals involved and work with them.

It does sound as if the time has come for a care home, but your mother may be happier in one near you.

But bear in mind that someone with dementia may not actually be happy anywhere. If you move her to a care home near you she may well want to leave/go back to the other care home/somewherelse. We went through all this with my MIL, she was offered (and tried) multiple options and was never happy anywhere, because that is the nature of the illness.

The easiest resolution would be to come to an agreement with your sister about your mother moving to a care home near you. If not, you can ask Social Services in the area where she lives to assess her capacity and do a safeguarding report.

Other posters have asked an important question - do either you or your sister have financial and/or health & welfare LPA?

Two big questions

• does your mum have capacity to decide where she wants to live? There are likely to be local solicitors who can put you in touch with an independent capacity assessor if you can't get local social services to assess her
• if she doesn't have capacity, who has her health and welfare POA if anyone?
• if nobody has POA then it's up to social services to make a best interest decision for her, taking into account the views of family/friends/those who may be able to speak in her best interests. That would include you.

Why does your sister want her near her and not near you, by the way? (Although I echo the views above that she may not be particularly happy anywhere).

How is the care home being paid for?

Unless a Deprivation of liberty or other court order is in place there is nothing to stop you just collecting your mum and taking her to your house and then arranging a care home place near you. For your sister to do that either she has POA or your mum has capacity so the same applies for you.