Respite Care. How to tell Mum

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Mum has vascular dementia. Last couple of weeks there has been a marked decline which may or may not be due to a UTI. However, she has had a series of falls. Literally got taken home by nhs transport and fallen again within the hour.
I have contacted a care home to go and look at tomorrow to sort out respite care so we i can work out if there is any way she can stay safely in her flat ( I really don't think there is tbh). I can't carry on like this.
Has anyone been through this? How do I even start that conversation?

It's horrible isn't it OP. How advanced is her vascular dementia? Respite care can be dressed up as being assessed further, in a safe environment, to work out her needs going forward. You can stress that it's obviously not safe for her to stay at home right now. You have my sympathy, there is no easy way forward.

I said to mum that it was like a convalescent home. Not really lying because there was a chance she could have recovered.

Is she still at home or in hospital, does she have capacity or is there power of attorney in place. If she's in hospital the staff need to assess her risks.

With ours, it was framed as a nice hotel. It was all we could do and it worked. It was much needed. Dementia was far along, but he still would refuse any mention of a home, nursing, convalescence etc. Also, I recommend not talking about it too far in advance, otherwise it’ll be the source of questions/anxiety every 5 minutes.

My DM was heartbroken about going into the home (it was planned to be permanent) but I told her time and again that it was just while she got stronger and as soon as she could walk she could come home. She insisted she could walk but I said "Matron says you're not strong enough yet!" Bit unfair on Matron as DM had not walked for years but we kept reiterating that Matron knew best and we always commented on how tidy her room was and how warm it was - both things that were hugely important to her.

Yes, I think the key thing is to frame everything in a positive and encouraging way.

This is not easy, but at the same time try to bear in mind that someone with dementia is not processing thoughts in the usual way so it's a bit like reassuring a child.

The trouble with dementia is those episodes of lucidity and the reluctance to accept change.

It's horribly draining OP and I wish you luck with it.

Thanks all for sharing your experiences. I went to look at a lovely care home this morning. The GP is arranging for her to be readmitted to hospital this afternoon for further assessment. I think that discharge from there to lovely care home is easier than taking her there from her flat to be honest. It's just so so draining.

With my DM we framed it as she hadn’t been very well and a couple of weeks respite care would get her back on her feet.

She really couldn’t look after herself and I was all prepared for getting SS involved after the two weeks respite, but DM (who initially hated the idea of care) decided for herself that she needed to stay (thank fuck for that).