End of life pathway...........this is it.

[Tolkienista]

My 96 yr old mother has been in a care home since last August & up until a month ago I could have seen her there for at least another year if not longer.
Her appetite declined, she wanted to spend more time in bed, the doctor ordered a blood test and it pretty much came back clear. He'd seen her three times in three weeks & her health had very much declined.
He is a specialist in geriatric care & last week I received a call from him to say she was being placed on end of life pathway & probably had a few weeks to live. In all honesty it joined up all the dots, she's not in any pain or discomfort it's just old age and her body giving up and shutting down.

We're now on day 10 and she's sleeping more, eating less but still interacting with us.
I'm trusting that the care home will know the bodily signs when she's reaching her final days, final hours e.g. breathing.
I know there will be people on here knowledgeable about this end of life pathway.
What exactly does the end look like?

I found this helpful
https://www.hospiceuk.org/latest-from-hospice-uk/what-happens-when-someone-dying
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Thank you for posting this, much appreciated.

Sorry to hear your news. This helped me know what to expect when my dad was dying.
https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/information/end-of-life/last-weeks-of-life

That is.really helpful thank you.
Today was a difficult visit, after being really interactive and chatty yesterday she basically slept the whole time I was there today and she was sick too.

This was my stepfather last year - he seemed relatively OK but then the staff thought he had a rash and temperature so he was taken to A+E and initially diagnosed with meningitis. However tests came back negative. After a week (n hospital where he basically slept 24 hours a day, he was placed on end of life care and returned to the care home. At that point, his care home fees were paid for as it was palliative care, this was sorted out by someone at the hospital. He had to be seen by a GP to confirm the EOL care and meds were prescribed in case he became agitated. In reality, he just continued to sleep - no food or drink, his body was shutting down so no weeing / pooing. His skin became very mottled especially his legs and his breathing very slow. He didn’t move at all in his last 4 days so had to be turned by staff. He eventually passed away peacefully during the night. We (me and my sister) sat with him at times, played music, chatted and kept him company. He was in the care home for a week after discharge from hospital. If there can ever be a good death, his very much was.

They should be able to give her medication for the sickness to avoid choking.

It’s a very difficult time. Easier said than done but try to take care of yourself too. In my experience the dying tend to go when they choose to - my dad held on at the very end for 48 hrs then waited until I had left for a break and died about 5 mins later. The nurse said this happens quite often.

That is lovely to hear and I hope.my mother's final.breath is similar.
She's not in any pain or discomfort, no anxiety too.
Day by day she's getting weaker and sleeping more.
She's had a great life and at 96 , we're happy to let her go.

Yes I've heard that from the carers.
She's had so many visitors in the last week and she is very popular in the care home too.
I'm looking after myself and every time I go in I treasure every second with her as it's coming to an end.
The longer you have someone in your life the harder it is to let them.go.

Dear OP, your mother is fortunate to have a loving and caring daughter who has the courage to accept the inevitable, and not make her last days unpleasant with useless ‘interventions’ or emotional outbursts.
I hope all goes well for bothmofm

Yes she is being given anti sickness medication.

This link will help too I think.

Take care of yourself and keep remembering the good times.

It may happen at any point, in fact the best thing that anyone can wish for is to simply not wake up one morning - it’s upsetting obviously that day but you quickly are comforted by such a peaceful end. My mil simply didn’t wake up, shocking to get the phone call but make everything since so much better that it was quick.

This happened to my mother earlier this year. Heartbreaking as we thought she would eventually pull round. But she stopped eating, then drinking, then slept all the time. She slipped away gently and peacefully with no one there, no pain and knew us almost until the end. I hope it's as easy for your mother. Crying as I'm writing.

It's a very weird time. Every minute seems to last a year.
You may already know this but some people find it hard to react ... Um... In the best and most sensitive way in these situations. It can be helpful to be ready for (and ready to rise above) this sort of thing.
Hope your Mum is being well cared for and hope you have someone looking out for you.

Yes that is a really good point, she hasn't mentioned death at all and the environment we're creating is peaceful and tranquil, no emotional outbursts, just serenity.

We're now on day 11 since she was put on the pathway and every minute feels so much longer. It's really tough watching someone who's been a massive part of your life slip away, but there's a calmness about her and when she goes it will be a mixture of sadness and pride.

Thank you for your very poignant post, that would be the perfect ending to her very long life. I think that's the way things are going, sleeping more, eating less she's gradually just slipping away.

Couldn't agree more and it feels like it's heading that way for us too. Day by day she's simply getting weaker and closer to death.I
She's had a great life, but it's time to.let her go.

My heart goes out to you I just went through this with my own mum in January aged 70 and my father 7 years ago.
Mum lasted 48hrs but by father was 3 weeks. Both just seemed to calm and slept a lot. You will notice her colour will change and her breathing will become heavier when she is ready to go. I can’t explain it but you just know when they are going it’s like a shift in the room those final seconds. Sending you and your mum so much love and support x

Thank you for posting this @Soontobe60It’s brought me to tears. You sound so caring and thoughtful. Your stepdad was lucky to have you and your sister around. Sorry for your loss.

@Edinlassy thank.you for your lovely words. Saw a distinct deterioration in her today, slept pretty much.all the time I was there, but as I was leaving I touched her arm and she suddenly opened her.eyes and said "your hands are cold" then she smiled and waved me off.
it literally made my day.

My dad wasn’t able to speak much but he liked listening to us chat. Also music helped and reading to him for short periods. It’s very hard but it’s precious time that you will value in future. Wishing you peace and strength.

Just checking in to see how you are