Why is it not enough

[Dontneedthedramaimtooold]

I’m 52, my dad passed away suddenly during an operation he was 72. My parents lived in Newcastle upon Tyne and I’ve lived in Birmingham for 32 years, for the majority we’d travel north for Christmas, special occasions until my brother and sister became estranged from my parents then it became too stressful juggling everyone’s emotions. My parents started to come to us because I couldn’t bear them not having family around them.

my dad died in February 2023 and again I couldn’t bear the thought of her being alone moved her in with us . To say I regret it would be wrong but she wants my undivided attention, if my husband and I argue and I’m quiet in general she gets angry because I’m “avouding” her. She doesn’t appreciate what she has only focusses on where she’s let down. She won’t talk about anything is always right, never apologises.

i feel like im failing her but also my husband and 14 year old son have to deal with her moody outbursts.

one minute she’s living her best life the next she has no one.

im not sure how to manage it all
x

physical boundaries would help (separate suite with fire door/sound proofing etc.) as well as some set visiting times. i would suggest meeting other seniors to chat and give you space.

Well it's too late to tell you not to move her in, but if you'd asked, 90% of people would have advised this.

I mean, you're going to become her default carer as you both age, which is going to be a nightmare.

She lives in the same house she has her room and en-suite and her own space for chilling and TV. She’s good friend with my mother in law and they do lunch and garden centres and shopping. She’s a member of the group u3a, therefore attends days out, games afternoons! Hence my frustration that she’s unhappy here.

They already have but I’d have felt compelled to drive to Newcastle every 5 minutes which would be impossible with a full time job and family and she’d have been so alone! I tried ti do the right thing for everyone

sorry I am a little unclear, are you talking about your mum, who lived with your dad?

where Is the money from her old property she shared with your dad? Can this not be used for her to go into (local) sheltered housing?

if she stays, you will become her full time carer and she will become a huge burden on your marriage.

Or, if there was no sold property and money, can she go on a list for local council/HA accommodation?

Who already have what?
You haven't quoted anyone.