Any organisations I can talk to about my parent?

[AnotherDayInNotSoParadise]

I am having a lot of trouble with my elderly parent. It’s got to the stage where I feel like they are ruining my life, and they are causing me a lot of stress with their behaviour. It’s now affecting my MH, and my siblings feel the same way.

There isn’t anything wrong with my parent, but their behaviour is causing a lot of stress in the family.

We really don’t know what to do with them and feel we need advice.

Are there any charities or organisations we can talk through our situation with and possibly get some advice?

Social services, Age Concern, your GP?

It depends on what is happening.

1. you are 100% entitled
   • to say NO
   • to stop a conversation
   • to walk away
   • to hang up on a call
   • to refuse to act
   • to tell them what they can expect from you
   • to tell them what they will not get from you
   • TO NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT YOUR CHOICE

2. you should speak to your GP about getting you MH support and get you feeling like you again.

3. you can first have a siblings family meeting to discuss what is going on and to agree or agree to disagree over how individual situations will be managed. If one child opts in/out that they can not expect others to follow their lead "just because...... (their choice their outcome)" and/or agree to split some tasks between you.

4. to prevent one child being played off against the others you can speak to each other about what your choices are and agree that you speak up for each other by telling your parents that whatever choice one of you made is always the correct choice for the person making it and you support them (even if you dont) for having made it.

5. learning that they have the right to make choices you do/dont agree with and you have the right to refuse to carry the outcome of their choices ( that can be very hard as you need to learn to let go)

If they have special issues you can give a generic description of what is going on to get pointed to a specific area of support.

I found Admiral nurses very helpful when I needed to talk through issues relating to the intersections of brain damage/dementia and mental illhealth (https://www.dementiauk.org/information-and-support/how-we-can-support-you/what-is-an-admiral-nurse/). Though they don't give it as an example on their website (for obvious reasons) the nurse was very helpful in supporting me with advice on managing outbursts and challenging verbal and physical behaviour, and supporting people around the elderly person to manage their feelings about how the patient was behaving. I sent them a few emails as I'm not great on the phone, and always heard back quickly.

Samaritans

One of the Carers charities (I have seen posters at my local hospital)

Age UK

If you have a local charity for unpaid/family carers they could also help.

It really depends on what the issues are.
Age UK and Admiral nurses etc are useful regarding different issues relating to different behaviours which may or may not be caused by 'typical' age related illnesses. If your mum has a particular illness then charities relating to that illness can be helpful
If its more harassment or bad behaviour then you can report on 101 and ask their advice
If its a legal problem (harassment, stalking, making accusations) then you may find a solicitor can help.
If its relating to providing or not providing care then adult services in her area should be contacted through her county council.

What behaviour are you referring to?

Can't help unless you can give some more info.

There's a forum called Out Of The Fog which is very helpful if you are dealing with a difficult parent