End of life dad - holiday insurance?

[Gertrudejekyll23]

Wondering if anyone knows the answer.
My Dad is not at end of life yet but it is definitely nearing. It could be in the next few weeks, or months, its difficult to say.

Every summer we go and stay with my mother in law during the summer hols. She is from a different country and it takes us two flights and a lot of travelling to get there (so it’s not just a 2 hour direct flight back). My mother in law is also elderly, widowed and has her own health issues, I’m conscious that each summer is a bonus.

İ really don’t know what to do this summer. My husband will go to stay with his mum regardless but I don’t know what to do about my child and myself. My son wouldn’t want to go without me as he’s still quite young.

My Dad and I have had a difficult relationship at times and there’s been moments where he has been very cruel to me but things have come full circle and he’s now a very poorly old man. I am the only child he has in this country (my brother doesn’t really have a relationship with him and he doesn’t have a partner) I’m his main visitor, going several times a week to the nursing home. I am POA and NOK. I would want to be there at the end if possible.

Equally, I adore my mother in law (I’m very lucky!!) and would be so upset if anything happened to her and I hadn’t visited when I potentially could have done. She can’t come to this country a she would need a visa which would be hard to arrange. She’s also never travelled much further than her local town so it would be a huge ask at an old age.
I want my son to get as much exposure to his Dad’s culture and have every opportunity to see his relations on his Dad’s side. (Its not just MİL there - uncles, aunts, cousins etc are all there too.)

İ’m trying to decide whether to go at the end of August for 2 weeks. Flights are expensive and just going up in price as they get more and more booked up.

Firstly I’d appreciate any opinions on what you would do in this situation.

Secondly, I need to renew our annual travel insurance - has anyone ever known a company cover for having to cancel due to a close family member being EOL? The flights will be around 2k which for us is a huge amount and would be hard to forgo.

I'd go. My Dad had a few near misses then hung on for over two years in a care home. I remember the run up to leaving was always stressful but we always went. Dad's health was a worry from 2020-2025 and that would really have been a long time for us to miss out on going anywhere, particularly after a long time of being unable to go at all during covid.

I'd check your policy but you're unlikely to be covered for your Dad getting to an EOL situation or dying when you're away, if you wanted to return early or cancel the holiday; they normally don't pay out if you know the relative is very ill before you book.

I think part of being a family that's split over different countries is that you do get some benefits in terms of culture but there is a risk or reality that you're not going to be in the country when a relative dies or get ill.

I’d go. In my experience of people in EoL situations the timeframes are impossible to estimate and you can’t put a hold on something indefinitely. As in, even when someone was in the “final days” it was actually three weeks. I know someone who is still going a year after being told it could be very soon.

I’d also assume the insurance won’t pay out. I don’t have experience of this particular issue but if you assume you won’t get a pay out and plan accordingly it would be a welcome surprise if you did.

Then do some planning. Make sure you’ve said all the things you want to say to him. Make sure you know what final wishes there are should it happen whilst you’re away - funeral company to use, who should be notified. Funerals take forever to organise at the moment so being away isn’t going to make much difference.

Good luck!

Sadly the standard travel insurance won't pay out.

I wouldn't go. Your husband sees his relative and you see yours this year.

If you are thinking of taking your father with you will need to declare all his medical problems and meds

Sadly you already know your Dad's medical condition so travel insurance won't pay out.
I renewed our annual travel insurance after my elderly relative was diagnosed with cancer and when he died a few months later I looked at the terms and went, "Welp, I think an 85 year old with cancer's death is 'reasonably forseeable' alas" and didn't even bother to claim.
(For the holiday we didn't take because of his unfortunately timed final illness ).
We did claim the tax back in the flights, luckily hadn't booked much accommodation and got most of that back - one was nominally non-refundable, but you could ASK for a refund and explain, so I did and got lucky.

So travel insurance won't help if your Dad declines and you really feel you need to be there, BUT, you can try to book things refundable/reschedule-able (maybe for a small fee).

Is your kid school age? Could you and he go another time when you can book flights closer in? Clutching at straws here.

Pragmatically, are you likely to inherit enough from your Dad that you could just plan to go see your MiL and risk the expense of it all going titsup ?

I would go. My previous next door neighbour was just about to go on holiday when she got a phone call to say that her mother was very ill in a nursing home. My neighbour did not go on the holiday or go on holiday at all for 5 years until her mother did die.

I would travel and see your mother in law.

No travel insurance could would pay out for the circumstances you describe.

You are doing more than enough re your dad and he really does not deserve you in his life. You are likely also to be the last one left who actually bothers with him although he is not worth bothering about. You owe him nothing, let alone a relationship here and am certain that your own feeling of obligation (which could have been given to you by him) has kicked in.

Would suggest you grieve for the relationship you should have had rather than the one you actually got.

Thank you so much for all your replies.

İ have booked the flights today. I will be able to reschedule them for a small fee so that’s good enough for me. In terms of accommodation etc when we get there we’d be staying with my mother in law anyway so that’s costing us nothing.

I didn’t even think about the ticket rules and the possibility of rescheduling when I wrote the original message. I think I was just having a brain fog day when I couldn’t think straight.

İ really appreciate all your replies. Sometimes it’s hard to get any clarity when you’re in the thick of it.

Check your policy but I had a situation back in February when I was away and my DH unexpectedly had to be admitted to hospital (twice). My policy would have covered it, but whether it would in your circumstances when he's already very ill needs checking before you renew/go. My DH died in May 😢

I’m about to cancel two holidays as my mum is end of life ( likely weeks) we have worldwide travel insurance with our bank account and it is covered. What insurances do you have? I certainly can’t imagine being anywhere but here now for the foreseeable.

I doubt very much that your insurance will cover you so being able to move the flights for a fee is a good compromise.
We used to have 1 week away every year whilst our DD was in respite. We could not insure against cancellation due to any issues relating to her health. We just had to run with the risk of the loss if anything happened. (She was not end of life, just multiple health problems and disabilities)