Grandmother keeps calling Emergency services

[zzezzy]

My gran is 98, lives on her own & is still of sound mind. I arranged home care visits 18 months ago due to her keep calling the GP/ Emergency services hoping this would stop her from calling. Recently, with her agreement, I increased the visits to 4 times a day. Yet she still keeps calling the GP & if they don't tell her what she wants to hear, she calls 999. She has regular visits from myself & other family members. All test results from the past 18 months have come back clear. Today she called 999 because she had stomach pains again which is not unusual for her & I asked her why she called 999. Her answer was " I didn't know what to do with myself, I thought I was dying". This is a normal, regular response from her. The 999 operator said they would call her GP who did turn up but the paramedics had already attended & took her to hospital even though she always refuses to go initially. It's getting me down that she keeps doing this now. I ask her what does she expect the emergency service to do if she refuses to go to hospital & won't listen to them and her reply is always " I dont know". I have POA but she is still able to make her own decisions so it doesn't help.
As much as I care about her, I am feeling more irritated as time goes on because she keeps doing this when there is actually nothing medically wrong with her. Sorry for the long post, any advice would be welcome.

Your local ambulance service will have a frequent caller task force most likely. Contact them and discuss what can be done.

I had similar with my Mum phoning 999 for my Dad. She'd do this if he'd had a bad night's sleep and that had made her tired, hoping he'd get taken into hospital.

She kept refusing to put him in a home and what she actually seemed to want was for me to go and provide care, which was a complete non starter as my own kids were quite young and I had a job.

It started off that he'd get taken in then the paramedic refused as there was nothing they could do to help.

It eventually got resolved by the GP saying my Dad needed to go to a care home and keeping him in hospital until a place was found.

Even after my Dad was in a home with appropriate medical support, Mum would also do stuff like go to the GP surgery and sit there hoping to catch him coming in from house calls.

My mum was dreadful for this it was every week. When she got older and could no longer domineer and bully everyone she would cry wolf to emergency services. Someone on here assured me it was quite usual and they marked certain numbers.
She quickly became abusive to call handlers and emergency staff if they didnt come quick enough or do what she wanted, it was really embarrassing. My mum wanted unpaid slaves, she believed my dad paying tax entitled her to public services. We were neglected as children so we didnt feel inclined to run around after her.

Your relative sounds a bit lonely as opposed to just entitled and bored like my mum. I arranged local volunteers to visit for company but she was awful to them as well! lots of local groups do visiting, check with age concern and local fb pages, I found great help just googling.
One thing it has taught me is to make plans for advanced years, downsize, have hobbies, friends, pet, oldies social groups and stay active if I dont want to be lonely or a burden to others.

Aside from probable cognitive issues (it would be unusual to reach 98 without any) you say she is registered blind and lives alone, so it is not surprising if she gets lonely, anxious and/or confused. In a care home she would have constant company and supervision, and whenever she feels anxious or upset there will be someone there to reassure her.

Older people with cognitive issues tend to 'over interpret' every ache and pain. My mother was constantly calling the GP, or an ambulance, because she thought her indigestion was a heart attack, or her headache was a brain tumour. When she moved to a care home all those worries went away because the staff could reassure and distract her. Of course if she was genuinely ill they would call for medical help.

If you want to consider a residential placement, ask Social Services for an updated care needs assessment and stress that you think she is at risk being on her own at home.

I’m a nurse and see a lot of elderly patients with alerts on their medical records stating they’re known for being frequent callers. They have a red star next to their name prompting you to click down and it tells you 😬 it’s very sad as a lot are lonely as the cause but it does tend to cause problems. I’ve seen many ambulance services and hospitals write to gp’s concerned that it will get to a ‘cry wolf’ situation where they genuinely need help

I do think the pros and cons of an home are quite personal, and what your mum says may need a bit of interpretation. What has been important for my mum is -

• close to at least one of us, preferably 15 mins or less away (but we are pretty much her only visitors - different if she has an established local circle or wider family)
• a manager that you like and connect with (I would put this over anything else tbh, and trust your instincts), and a team who make it easy to communicate. This is gold dust imo and surprisingly hard to find
• a room with some kind of natural view from the bed, +\- ability to get outside to some garden space that is not just an extension of the car park, next to the main road or next to a brick wall - this was particularly important to my mum who prefers plants to people
• staff who stay a long time - ie are well treated
• food that bears some relationship to stuff you’d want to eat
• a soundscape that is bearable and shows some thought - NOT a circle of victims in a room being pummelled by Smooth FM or Disney movies at top volume without any consideration of what could actually work for people of that age, hearing needs and wishes.

Old age must be frightening. As vulnerable as a baby but without parents to care for you. And knowing the inevitable is drawing closer. I imagine our bodies are painful at that age. Would she be happier if she wasn’t living alone?

I think you’ve had some very good advice already, i just wanted to add a bit more.

For you it might be worth joining the local Carer’s Hub. They have a good knowledge of what’s available in the area, for instance in our twos there is a lunch club twice a where they can get a two course lunch and some company for £5 a session and they’ll even pick you up and drop you off if you need it.

Does she have attendance allowance? If not I’d apply for that now as it can help to pay for some extra things like a local daycare centre. You’ll need to speak to her SW, talk about the 999 and ask for theor advice on how to reduce them. In our area there are daycare centred for the elderly but the SW has to refer you.

Have you joined the Sight Loss Charity in her area too? They usually have social events and can help her try out different equipment.

And next time she mentions going into a care home say “get your coat, we’ll go and have a look now” I would look at the the CQC reports and google reviews for the homes you’re interested in first though.

She’s lonely i expect. A care home would be better for both of you.

It does sound as though she gets frightened on her own, which is understandable when you are old and worry about your health. If she is lonely AgeUK can be helpful with choosing a care home etc.
They also offer a befriending service who will phone lonely people regularly for a chat.
Sometimes local SS or if her GP has a social prescriber they might be able to suggest some sort of drop in cafe/daycare, sometimes with transport provided. It might be a distraction and someone to talk to other than emergency services.

Must surely have been dementia. The person can’t remember anything from one minute to the next. My DM used to phone my poor brother up to 30 times in one hour. It stopped only after she finally moved to a care home.