Grandmother keeps calling Emergency services

[zzezzy]

My gran is 98, lives on her own & is still of sound mind. I arranged home care visits 18 months ago due to her keep calling the GP/ Emergency services hoping this would stop her from calling. Recently, with her agreement, I increased the visits to 4 times a day. Yet she still keeps calling the GP & if they don't tell her what she wants to hear, she calls 999. She has regular visits from myself & other family members. All test results from the past 18 months have come back clear. Today she called 999 because she had stomach pains again which is not unusual for her & I asked her why she called 999. Her answer was " I didn't know what to do with myself, I thought I was dying". This is a normal, regular response from her. The 999 operator said they would call her GP who did turn up but the paramedics had already attended & took her to hospital even though she always refuses to go initially. It's getting me down that she keeps doing this now. I ask her what does she expect the emergency service to do if she refuses to go to hospital & won't listen to them and her reply is always " I dont know". I have POA but she is still able to make her own decisions so it doesn't help.
As much as I care about her, I am feeling more irritated as time goes on because she keeps doing this when there is actually nothing medically wrong with her. Sorry for the long post, any advice would be welcome.

This is really, really common.

What I would say to you is - try not to focus on it. It’s up to the services themselves to try and come up with solutions, and obviously listen to them and see if you can support whatever ideas they have. But at 99 she of course is frail. Would she consider a nursing home at this stage?

No advice, I'm sorry but my elderly aunt kept doing this. She had carers in 4 x a day but would call 999 saying she hadn't seen anyone in days and hadn't eaten.

She did this several times until the hospital discharged her into a care home where she's been ever since with her house being sold to cover fees. She was livid but has finally accepted she's not going home

She does occasionally mention she may have to go in a home but I feel she's just saying that for a reaction

Hi OP, just in case this aspect is bothering you - my sister is a 999 call handler and they get this a LOT. She says she doesn't mind because "they are calling for a reason even if we're not the right people right then", as opposed to people who want her to find their house keys etc or ring up to verbally abuse the staff.

Very common problem. Try not to be frustrated with her. I know it's hard. There's nothing you can really do.

Would I need to speak to SS & hospital team then about a care home?

Being in a home would at least mean she has someone to call. I wouldn’t ignore what she says - maybe say ‘what a good idea’ next time.

Why not look around a few care homes with her. Involve her in the decision.

Thank you for sharing your experience with the emergency calls.

Care home - all depends on whether she would be self funding or not. As she has carers already, I would start with a call to social services. If you’re lucky, the SW will be a capable sort who can give you some advice. Since this would be a ‘choice’, probably you will get a link to their website or funding info but at least it will give you some places to start. If you have any time, go round a few and make a shortlist before you take her. And think very realistically about what’s important. Would anyone apart from you visit her? Being near to them and you is probably most important.

Has she got a home alert type call button, and if not, could she get one?

But in practical terms, if she’s ok, this isn’t a ‘you’ problem. These services are familiar with it, and are pretty sensible about how they handle it.

Occasionally you’ll get someone attend who’ll call a family member. Sometimes you can get them to give her a bit of a dressing down about wasting emergency services time. Worth pointing out if they ever ring you that you’re trying to discourage it and not being listened to and if they want to try too you’d be very grateful.

I dont know about the ambulance service, I work in a police control and we have a lot of numbers/addresses with a marker on saying if Mrs Smith calls contact Nok Joe Smith on 077.... before making contact. If we can't get nok if its one of our regulars we give them a quick call but dont send anyone out.

I'm not sure that ambulance control can do that - next time she's phones she might really be ill - but it might be worth asking if they can contact you initially to see if they are actually required.

Is she lonely or bored? Even with visits 4 times a day that is a lot of time where she isn’t seeing anyone and if she’s on her own she probably feels quite isolated. Does she have any hobbies she can do from home? Perhaps adult colouring, television shows, reading etc. The emergency services will be used to this, don’t let it stress you out.

My mum was in an extra care facility, with five care cals a day. She'd dial 999 when she pressed her buzzer at night and a carer didn't come straight away (there was one overnight carer for the whole building overnight).

In the end (after the fifth time and three entirely unnecessary late night hospital admissions) a note was put on her record (she was identifiable by her phone number) and the handler would call the carer, or me or my brother, to suss out why whether there was a genuine reason to send anyone out. She knew to say the magic words 'chest pain' but when I got the calls from the handler and called mum, it turned out that she wanted something and the carer hadn't come yet.

I told her that when she really needed 999 they wouldn't believe her because of all the crying wolf, but she didn't care.

Good luck.

My mother was like this - going into a care home was the best thing that happened - basically they get scared on their own and there is no one immediately there to reassure them.

My dad was doing this for my mum - she did have a lot of health problems as well as dementia and he just got himself worked up about things. At the time there was a team set up in their area to keep frequent flyers out of hospital (it was brilliant, but short lived due to funding even though it must have saved amazing amounts) and they helped me make a flow chart which was stuck on the wall for dad to follow so he could make good decisions and contact the right person. It worked really well

Do you think she's lonely? It's great she has visitors but what can she do when she fancies a chat and no ones there. There may be services she can call for a chat.

My friends nan was berieved a few months back and was very lonely despite frequent visits - she was used to having him there to talk at 24/7. They have sorted her out with an Alexa speaker thing and apparently they have chats about the weather, what best to have for dinner, figure out what year so and so sang whatsit, alsorts of mundane things. Also useful for emergencies to call someone.

Thank you for all your help. My gran has a call pendant that links to me. She is on the blind list so can't see to read or watch TV. She does have a mobile phone that she can use to ring or text people ( with a magnifying glass). I have thought about an Alexa so will give that a go as I have used the drop in feature previously for my husband's mother. With respect to care home fees, she lives in a council bungalow so no property to sell & has income from pensions plus benefits. I am aware that care homes will take most of her income, my MIL, who has dementia is left with £30 per week. A list of pros & cons for a care home would be useful.

Her name will most likely be flagged if she’s repeatedly doing it. They still would have to send an ambulance out if they thought she needed one but she may not be taking seriously if she’s ever genuinely ill. Does she have kids? Other people to help her?

Well can you not research pros and cons yourself? She’s 98, it would be highly unlikely that she’s going to live another 20 years. She’s lonely so I think a care home would be the best option

Start looking for nice care homes in a convenient area. They vary a lot and the good ones often have waiting lists. Much better to find a nice home and have a planned move than have a crisp and have to take any place.

Thank you to your sister and her colleagues for caring. My elderly mum (age 90) had an ambulance turn up a few months ago. She has a pendant and a care line (they're great). She hadnt answered the phone fully when they called - crackly line - she thought it was a scammer and put the phone down. Well good-ish. But an ambulance crew - I felt sad about the waste of resource. But she is managing to live independently - perhaps that is the cost of having elderly competent-ish adults living independently, rather than in a care home.

My mum was so angry with me for suggesting that last summer. I only suggesting looking - not booking her in. It's very difficult if they are very independent. I now know if a crisis happens - she will need to go whereever has spaces - she wont like it. My sibling has the PoA so perhaps they will have a different point of view.

Could an Alexa, or Google be useful at all? Voice activated that she could talk to and ask questions of?
Never heard of anyone use something like this but just an idea.

Could you tell her about the Silver line OP? It's a 24/7 helpline run by Age UK that can provide some emotional support and companionship over the phone: Silver Line

I used to signpost to it a lot where I previously worked in a role providing information and advice to older people. I've heard good things about it - hope it helps.