Mum in hospital

[tobee]

Just feeling sad.

My beautiful dm is in hospital having had a stroke yesterday it would seem.

She is 88 nearly 89 and called me yesterday afternoon to say could I come as she was feeling terrible. With a headache since that morning.

Anyway, after much effort to pass herself off as fine an ambulance was called and she was taken to hospital.

Ds (adult) and I stayed with her until about 2.30 am and drove home.

Hospital care was excellent. She had a ct scan doctor said that no bleed on it but symptoms hadn't resolved so they would give her a mri soon.

My sister was at mum's looking after my dad who is 90 and has dementia.

We knew it was coming - some serious life changing health issues and now it has.

Mum is dad's sole carer. She has poor walking ability normally. They have a carer who comes once a fortnight for 2 hours and cleaner who comes once a fortnight. They don't want anything else but will have to now.

Anyway, the symptoms my mum has are occasionally words forgotten and made up words used instead. And forgetting who the pm is. And forgetting our middle names etc. She's normally totally on the ball with this stuff. But you can still have a conversation with her and she's reasonably cheerful but wants to go home and see my dad. She also suddenly couldn't remember how to work her phone and similar stuff.

From what I've read there's probably going to be little improvement for her. I'm thankful it's as mild as it is but so much will have to change. She's on aspirin right now to prevent further attacks as far as I can tell.

Dad had a tia about 25 years ago with very similar symptoms but it resolved within an hour or so. Plus we was only 65.

I just wanted to reach out.

I'm incredibly tired after last night and have been alone most of the day as the rest of the family has been out taking shifts in hospital or with my dad. Ds is in bed catching up on last night and popped in to say he is also suffering hay fever. Adult dd took a shift looking after my dad today. I'm due down tomorrow to do my shift. Everyone has been great but I still feel alone. I need a distraction.

Sorry this is so long. I know it's early days.

Whilst your mum is in hospital can you sort out more care for your dad? In readiness for her coming home? As it sounds like what you and your family are doing is not sustainable for long.

Have you got power of attorney?

And definitely amend the grocery order if you can! Do you think she's just got it set to automatically deliver certain items each week?

Yes we have 3/4 power of attorney but not health and wellbeing with mum most unfortunately.

She has just been adding the same stuff to her delivery. There are no more currently on order. But I have occasionally sent a special order to her using my Tesco order which I can expand if necessary

My mum told me and my sister to look at care homes before the second, in hospital episode. They used to say they hate the idea of care homes; well mostly my dad. But it would be sensible; obviously taking the drs etc advice. It would be best if they could move to a home much nearer to me. My mum had friends telling her about various homes in her area but many of those friends have sadly since died. So less of a consideration to have friends who might be there are easily visit.

Oh and the carers currently in place would definitely be able to up visits at short notice. They seem to be going well. If mum did get to go home for any length of time. Dad just wants to be with my mum. Mum is normally the one to befriend people. Especially younger women who have harder lives than some. As that was a great part of her working life.

Kindly it is far too early to be thinking about care homes, and as you don’t have POA for health and well being it could be a long process anyway. Concentrate on today. You mention the second in hospital episode? Have the doctors explained that to you at all? Hopefully tomorrow she will begin therapy, this is what she needs and they can assess where best to go from here.

I'm currently working towards an accreditation for a vocational type qualification I did last year. And upping my self employed part time work. But I've put that on hold. My sister is working full time at a stressful job with long hours, and a new management team to feel out. And has children just finished and just starting university. My children are mid to late twenties and live at home.

Thanks @Hairyfairy01 . My mum asked me to look at care homes but I agree it's too early. The only therapy I've heard of that she reports is answering questions "name 5 vegetables etc" but don't know how casual that is. She was saying she found it frustrating and pointless because her conversation is fine. (She thinks) Or thought yesterday.

We've been asking to speak to a doctor and I have had a brief chat with a doctor last week and my sister had a call. I asked the nurse yesterday who was the most proactive one I've met so far who gave me the number and best time to call but that would be Monday apparently

Come tomorrow she should be receiving speech and language therapy (SALT) and Occupational Therapy (OT). You haven’t mentioned anything about any arm / leg weakness or balance issues so I presume that’s ok? If not it would be Physiotherapy as well.

is she on a stroke ward? She should have a stroke nurse who will be a good point of contact, as well as a stroke consultant. This is presuming that they have confined she has definitely had a stroke? They should be able to tell you what type of stroke she has had (what area of the brain it has affected).

they may aim to get her home with ‘early supported discharge’ or transfer her to a separate stroke unit.
unfortunately nothing much happens at the weekend, hopefully by the end of tomorrow things will become clearer. Ideally one of you should try and be there in the afternoon (early) when you will hopefully have a chance to meet the therapists and stroke consultant and ask questions.

Thank you!

She is on a stroke ward. The mri confirmed a stroke caused by a clot. On admission, and at further examination, she did not have any arm, leg or other weakness, no facial droop. The nurse confirmed the area of the brain affected was the area dealing in memory. The initial ct scan detected a couple of swollen vessels suggesting hydrocephalus type issue. But at that stage it was only a query diagnosis.

She's also on a 48 heart monitor high levels of troponin for some days were in her blood.

She had an echocardiogram also. She had one about 15/20 years ago that detected a heart murmur that she was told was likely there from birth.

A few other things she's mentioned in the last year that gp didn't give much time to, including swollen ankles which I know are a worrying concern. But mum answered the gp question that they did go down at night. So he wasn't worried. But I don't think they did. But she minimised the issue.

She's also had terrible urinary incontinence in the last year that has been fobbed off but hospital stroke dr said the encephalitis can cause that. He asked before she mentioned it iyswim

Mum has bad arthritis "everywhere" and used a frame for a while now. Her ability to use it seems the same; the stroke has not affected it

It sounds like she is in the right place and is being well looked after. Honestly, take each day as it comes and work closely with her therapy team. They will be delighted to have someone who can encourage independence and assist inbetween sessions, provide clean clothes, toothbrushes, newspapers etc.

Thank you @Hairyfairy01 . It's my instinct to take it one day at a time because of, from what I can tell, is the nature of these things.

I just worry I'm being naive and should be doing more.

In a way it's more of a worry about dad coz he only wants my mum. Oh all right, me, my sister my husband, brother in law and the grandchildren. But only in reasonably small but very regular doses. The small and regular is the hard bit.

Are you taking your Dad in to see her ?

Yes I have taken my dad in to see her. The carers are also apparently allowed to do so. I was told they are going to discuss this today and then we can all make a plan; so visits are well distributed throughout the week. We need to borrow a wheelchair from the hospital but hopefully they are readily available. Sometimes there are none around.

I'm also going to take him in again this week. My sister doesn't drive so she likely won't be able to take him; she's going down today and tomorrow, and ii think it might be too difficult in a taxi but that's up to her to assess @notatinydancer.

I went to see mum last night (and dad afterwards). She seemed to be pretty much back to herself; as she was on Saturday before the "episode" that I witnessed. I hoped there would be some recovery but I prepared myself that she might still be very confused. Or worse. I'd thought that maybe I'd never have a conversation with her again. But she was back joking etc. It brought tears to my eyes. I'm glad I'd bought her the Sunday paper to leave with her.

Obviously she might have more periods of confusion etc etc. This is not linear recovery as you might expect from other illnesses. Day by day.

Dad and I were talking last night about how the memories we have in common; of our family experiences are such a bedrock of our lives. Although dad says the carers are great, friendly, capable and professional it's not the same chatting to them for him.

What a difficult time for you all, my heart goes out to you.

@tobee , why is your mum still in hospital? Are there tests or treatment that she needs there? What are they actually doing for her? If nothing, then what are the discharge plans for her? Rehab, either in a rehab ward or care home, or even home with regular carers? I appreciate she may not be back to her previous self but hanging around in hospital with very little actual treatment and probably no physio is going to make things worse rather than better.

Right so my sister is ringing the dr today to get more up to date info. When I spoke to the nurses on Saturday they said not much happens at the weekend so no doctors around, no tests etc.

She has had a 48 hour heart monitor on which I think is for afib. The only therapy she's had have been for memory as far as I can tell. It was hardest to talk to anyone when she was in ACU last week but moving to the stroke unit end of last week it seems more possible. Every time we've asked it's been "we're waiting for all the test results and then we'll formulate a plan". The test results seem to be mainly in end of last week but then weekend no doctor to discuss. Speaking to nurses on Saturday they gave me an overview of the results but no interpretation iyswim.

Hopefully my sister will get better info today if she's can get hold of the doctor on the phone this morning as promised.

Yes , I’d be asking what the plans are for her discharge. Then it sounds like you’ll need to increase your Dad’s care package and get her assessed in case she needs care.
She will be getting de conditioned in hospital.
Sounds like she has great family support @tobee

So my sister just messaged to say that her dr call was fruitless. The nurse said we can't have been at the hospital at the right times to speak to a dr or nurse and that we'd probably been visiting out of hours. We certainly haven't ; we've been there at all times of the day. My sister said we'd not had official test results from the dr or any kind of care plan etc. Then the nurse said that she could no longer speak as there was an emergency. The alarm was going off. A dr would call this afternoon. Or rather she'd make a note to try to give more information then.

One of the 2 of us has been in every day since she was admitted. I live an hour away by car. My sister lives over 1 and 1/2 hours away by car.

Apparently the docs told my mum that she can go home today. This is all 3rd hand information for me at the moment. So I'm sat here waiting for a call but think it's probably going to be a long wait.

We shall see

Did you get the call? I hope you managed to speak to someone.

No. My sister had to ring in the end. Mum has been discharged by the doctor but not the therapist (?) because they want to test her cognition again.

Fortunately dad was delighted to visit her with his carer.

So I'll be spending my day on my marks tomorrow once again, waiting for the get, set, go.

So this is common. A patient can be ‘medically fit for discharge’ so basically the doctors are happy they have done all they need to do in a hospital setting. However a patient also needs to be ‘therapy fit for discharge’. So it sounds here that the OT has some concerns around her cognition and wants to assess further, which seems fair from what you have said. If you can speak to the OT.

Thanks @Hairyfairy01, my sister got a phone call from the ot yesterday.

Thats great, I hope they were helpful.

Mum's still in hospital. I've not arranged dad any visits with the carer for the moment because I'm worried the heat will be too much for him.

I saw mum yesterday and it was quite cool on the ward thankfully. She's also been able to use her phone a couple of times finally. But the signal is poor. Saw dad yesterday briefly but he was going to bed early because of the heat.

Care plan "still being arranged" by hospital for mum. I wish they were together but I don't want mum to overdo it and resume thinking she needs to go back into carer mode for dad. It's the mental challenge aspect of it that is draining.