Wwyd?

[MiloMinderbinder925]

My mum has dementia and her toilet has been broken for over a year but she refuses to get it fixed.

She's going away for a week and I've been calling plumbers to try and get it fixed while she's away.

My sister has access to her money and won't let me book anything as she says it's too expensive. She says she'll look it up on YouTube or get someone to do it for £50.

I lost my temper with her and asked why she hadn't fixed it already if it was so simple and why she hasn't had it fixed for £50 but she says she's too busy.

How would you handle this?

Personally I’d book and pay for it myself, but it’s easy for me to say, as I’m in a position to do that. If your mum doesn’t have capacity and isn’t looking after herself are social services involved and can they help? Does your sister have POA? If so, does she not have a duty to sort these things for your mum? Maybe social services could help. So sorry you are in this situation x

how much would it cost with the plumber? round here, a visit can easily be £300.

if your mum can easily afford that, then keep pushing sister to get someone booked in.

Thanks. I've booked the plumber and am paying for it myself. He's coming Friday.

I’d also want to check on mums savings to make sure the reason they can’t afford repairs is that your sisters squandered the cash and there’s none left.

Citizens advice can do a benefits check for you if she doesn’t have much income.

I'm certain absolutely nothing like that is going on. Mostly because I ensured my mum's plentiful savings are tied up in ISAs and Premium Bonds.

My sister always accounts for any money she spends with receipts. My mum has the money but my sister lives in la la land.

My sister has access to her money and won't let me book anything as she says it's too expensive. She says she'll look it up on YouTube or get someone to do it for £50

I’d be suspicious of this and check bank accounts.

for years by bil’s sister said things like this. They can’t afford taxis, they don’t need new trousers, if they do I’ll go to primark, they can shop at aldi, they’ve got no money, it’s too expensive.

yes, because she had complete control of their money and the less they spent the more she could cream off. Several hundred thousand before they died. She’d cashed in Isa’s, premium bonds and shares. It’s easy to “untie” everything if you have access to finances.

She can't access any savings. She has my mum's bank card and pin so can withdraw money or pay for shopping. She has it with my mum's permission.

My mum is deemed to have capacity and POA hasn't kicked in.

If she has the bank card she can make bank transfers. Of any amount.

why do you think she can’t access savings? Premium bonds are easy, set up online access, cash in, then use the bank card to transfer to your own account. Same with isa’s.

an LPA doesn’t require lack of capacity. It can be lodged at any time.

she shouldn’t be regularly using someone’s card and pin. If anything happens such as fraud or theft your mum will be held accountable as she has disclosed her PIN and allowed her card out of her possession.

if your mum needs help with her finances your sister should apply for a third party authority or use the LPA.

does your mum have enough awareness to know what should be in her account? Does she get bank statements? Does she check her outgoings?

believe me this was learned the hard way. You trust your children then you go to the bank one day and everything has gone.

@Whatsgoingonherethenagain

Thanks for your concern.

As OP has mentioned, do you have sight of the accounts? Don’t be so trusting, especially if your sibling is resisting spending on something that is necessary.
My SIL was also tight about expenses in repairs and only had access to a bank card for MIL but managed to open a joint account with MIL into which she transferred £30k. When MIL died it went to SIL and not into the estate, as joint account holders automatically get any remaining funds.

Well done on booking plumber.
Hopefully you DSis is just wired to the moon and not financially involved, but don’t take it as gospel until you check further.