Staying stylish

[Wafflesandcrepes]

My grandma is 102 and lives in a care home. We’re okay overall with the care she’s getting. The staff is okay, the room is okay and the food seems to be good. We keep having difficult conversations with the staff about several things: hearing aids getting lost, clothes taking ages to be laundered and her… hair.

My grandma loves having her hair set and still goes to her hairdresser every two weeks. We’ve asked her carers not to wash her hair and time and time again they disregard it.

Fast forward to this weekend. My grandma had her hair set on Friday and her carers washed her hair on Saturday despite her protest and despite our family having left a note with reception and in her bathroom. She was really sad today having spent £70 on her hair which is now ruined (“standing on end” she says) and just as she was looking forward to seeing family.

I’m really, really annoyed. We’ve had this conversation with the care home soooooo many times and the message is not getting through. It’s not nastiness from the staff although I think it shows they’re not seeing her as the person she is.

I also know the staff are busy and rushed off their feet. Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed? Anyone else has had this issue or similar?

How infuriating.

I'd escalate to the manager and ensure 'no hair washing' is actually in her care plan. And remove all shampoo from her room.

And say if they do it again you'll want the cost of redoing her hair deducted from the fees.

You wouldn't get it, but I might be tempted to ask them for the £70.

You're right the staff are busy-and their job is very hard (as a society, we seem to get upset about the wrong things sometimes, and carers are terribly underpaid). But that's not something you can change, and this poor lady shouldn't have to suffer. There might be some people who say what does it matter if someone in a care home gets their hair done-but it's the little things that matter. She is a person who deserves respect. Unless there's a medical reason her hair needs washed, why can't it be left? While I choose to wash my hair daily, many people leave theirs for weeks, and at one time it was unusual for people to wash it more than once a week.
I didn't have this issue, but with my mum, they lost her mobile (over lockdown when we couldn't visit) and when we tried to ring in the evenings, they often didn't pick up, or when they did, their phone was so often low on battery we couldn't get to talk to her, so I do know that it can be frustrating, much as we admire the staff.

Thank you for your messages. We’ve spoken to the manager so many times and it’s supposed to be in her care plan but there’s always something (a new member of staff who’s not aware etc…) On Saturday it was temp staff. However, that’s no excuse as they should know what’s in the care plan.

We’ll speak to the manager again. We’re not liked there as we’re a big family and my uncles and aunt visit almost daily (unlike smaller families who don’t live as close) So we see a lot of what’s going on.

My grandma is always smart and clean so I don’t think they’ve any concerns with her hygiene. They just don’t think or see her as a person who deserves respect or maybe a compliment (“don’t you look smart today - you’ve had your hair done - I’ll be careful not to mess up your hair”.) I know they’re busy but this would take less time than washing her hair.

This is in France by the way and I find the culture in French care homes is very much about institutionalising the residents. I find it awful.

Thank you very much for your kind words.

Your poor grandmother! Totally get your frustration with the lack of bond between staff and residents. My mum worked in a home and her favourite bit was the actual residents. Her least favourite bits were temp/supply staff.
Absolutely ask for £70 back it get them to take her again at their cost - might make them think next time. It’s in her care plan.
Not sure how you can escalate this though.

Fair play she still gets her hair done at 102 also.

When Mum was in a Nursing Home we'd stick A4 notes up to remind staff not to do certain things. I wonder if a big bold note in the hair washing area might help?

Thank you for the tip. There is actually a big note stuck on her bathroom mirror which my aunt wrote. My aunt is a clear communicator (used to run a care home for people with severe learning disabilities) so we’re really at a loss as to what to do.

Oh my goodness! That's crazy....that they ignore the note 🙄😬

I'd remind them of the meaning of consent. If they are washing her hair when she said no then they are not listening to her.

A plastic bag taped over the shower head, with the note attached to that? One on the room door and another on the bathroom door?

We had an egg problem for my dad - they kept giving him breakfast eggs and egg sandwiches, which he didn't like - and found notes on the door at eye level were most likely to be read. On the wall behind his usual chair was the next most successful location.

Yes - okay. I will pass this to my auntie. Thank you!

Isn't that assault? To forcibly wash her hair while she is protesting?
Time for a formal written complaint. There are presumably policies on who to complain to .

I would make an official complaint to the owners of the care home as your instructions and requests are being ignored. Would they plead ignorance if she had a serious allergy to some food or other ??

I’m starting to wonder if they read the care plans which will have lots of details other than hair preference… Luckily she’s not on any medication apart from one painkiller every day so they can’t get this too wrong.

Is it happening on the same day - could there be a particular staff member who ignores all input?

I know all about being the difficult family. It does make life tricky but you shouldn't feel worried about knowing the situation. Tbh I'd email the manager saying you are about to put up an online review about this unless they can reassure you they are taking effective action, amd that if it happens again you will complain to the CQC and trash their Google review ranking.