eulogy at DF's funeral - help me get through it

[measureofmydreams]

I'm having to give the eulogy at my DF's funeral next week (RC in a Church). Would welcome any tips on how to get through it. I've written it and its next Tuesday. The Priest has said he will step in if needed.

My SIL is a vicar and it is perfectly normal to step in if necessary. And it just shows how loved your DF was. Emotion at funerals is fine and to be expected.
As for getting through it, just do your best and concentrate on Reading the words rather than what they mean might help. But in my mind a few tears are a great tribute.

Sorry for your loss. I coped by having someone ready to take over or step in as you have. In the moment somehow I held it together, not sure how , but it was something I wanted to do so some part of my brain took over and focused on the task. I Was just concerned about being too upset to speak. If you have other concerns eg public speaking, then there are probably general tips to cope with that aspect. Hope it is what it needs to be for you and others there.

Remember everyone there will be supportive and be on your side. Nobody will think any less of you if the priest steps in. I admire your bravery and wish you all the best as you tackle the funeral and the weeks ahead.

I wrote a eulogy for my dad’s funeral. I practised lots of times, read it out in front of my my husband and (grown up) children the day before the service.
On the day I managed by taking a deep breath and taking my time reading the eulogy, the celebrant was standing next to me which was comforting. She gave me a good tip; to type or write the eulogy out in a large font so that it’s really easy to read.
It wouldn’t have mattered if I’d cried, I almost did at the start, but I felt at peace once I’d finished. Pleased to have done that for him.
You’ll do what you need to on the day, be kind to yourself, if you get upset and need someone else to take over that’s absolutely fine too.

I'm sorry for your loss - I had to do the eulogy for my late brother.

As others have said, write down what you want to say and practise reading it out loud. Write or print it out clearly so that you can pass it over to the priest to continue if it becomes too much.

I’m so sorry about your dad.

I did my mum’s eulogy, with my aunt next to me ready to step in. One of the best tips I had was to read it out loud over & over again until the words don’t hit you so much.

Take it slowly, if you look up then look over people’s heads rather than catching anyone’s eye, and if you need to stop for a moment that’s absolutely fine.

Also remember tissues / hankies. I realised on the way there that I’d forgotten, & texted a friend who was waiting outside the church with a clean hanky when we arrived.

I’m sorry for your loss.

You don’t Have to do this. Honestly, if you would rather plan ahead for someone else to do it, do that from the start. Then you can focus on everything else.

I have read at a few funerals but I am used to public speaking. I cried each time at one point or another, it’s entirely normal to do so I promise.

So sorry for your loss. I read my dad's eulogy and was so glad I had that opportunity. My priest (also RC) advised me to do it at the very beginning of the mass rather than sit waiting until the time of the homily, it was a much better option as I could then concentrate on the mass.

Sending love and strength - you will get through it x

We had a celebrant at my DH's to save my DSs having to do this. He did an excellent job. You don't "have" to do it, if it's going to be too hard.

You will get through it. If you break down while doing it, it won't matter. If you can't carry on, everyone will understand and the priest will step in.

Doing the eulogy for my mum was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but I'm glad that I did it. It was important.

Thank you for all of your lovely advice and condolences. I feel that I want to and it's the last thing I will do for my dad. So I will start practising tonight, and will try to get used to the words. Good advice not to catch anyone's eye.

I did one for my Nan a few years ago.
I knew I'd be alright about getting emotional through most of it as it was quite a funny one until the end.

My step dad let me practice on him beforehand a few times and when in the church, I just looked at him mostly if I found myself struggling. It really helped. He'd give me a thumbs up and nod reassuringly and laugh in the places he was supposed to laugh to embolden me. Not sure if you have someone like that, he's not an emotional man either so I knew he'd be the one who didn't tear up at the end when I was mostly like to break down.

Really sorry for your loss ❤️

Practice, practice, practice. Then you won't need to read it word for word, and you can be a little more natural and conversational.
And just keep telling yourself that you will be fine, and you will. A friend of mine gave the eulogy after her husband died by suicide - she promised herself that she would be completely calm in church, and she was. Not a wobble. I have always taken that as proof that we can choose whether/how to show emotions in public, and have used it to help me when I had to give a eulogy.

Practice, practice, practice. Then you won't need to read it word for word, and you can be a little more natural and conversational.

Another point there is that if you don’t get it word for word, nobody in the audience is going to know.

So sorry for your loss. I just did one for my mother last week. I did have to pause at one point due to tears but found that taking a few deep breaths and just sort of getting on with it as a reading rather than focusing too hard on the meaning made it possible for me to continue.
I also avoided eye contact and ensured I went before my other sibling as thought his would have already made me cry.
I’m not sure what you plan to say but I did feel having a few lighthearted or funnier things to say about her/memories also assisted (and I felt were important to who she was to me) so it wasn’t all poignant memories.

I am sorry for your loss and hope you can give a day to celebrate the life of your father. A few tips that helped me when writing/reading my father's eulogy:

1. Type the speech so all words are easy to read, and use a slightly larger font than usual to help you keep up with the sentences and not lose your place when speaking out loud.
2. highlight/underline words you want to emphasise
3. Please don't type in usual paragraphs, leave a space between each line so the time it takes your eyes to read the next sentence will allow you time to breathe/pause and prevent you from accidentally speaking too quickly.
4. Read it out loud to yourself, and indicate how long it takes to read to ensure it's not too short/too long. The more you practise reading it aloud, the more you will get used to the words,, and when you read it to the congregation, it will feel less intimidating.
5. Try to include a funny story/memory which will get the gathering a little laugh/smile, it helps relax them and you.

So sorry for your loss OP.
Your priest sounds very kind. Ours was the same at my beloved gran’s funeral. She said I’ll stand next to you and you can hold my hand at any time. I’ve never forgotten that. The family had been at each other’s throats for 5 weeks and I was feeling so wretched by the day the funeral came.

It doesn’t matter if you show emotion op. It’s what we humans do when sad!

Bon courage - and if someone steps in that’s fine . X

Big type and practice, as others have said. I also wrote myself notes in the margins in felt tips, words to the effect of ‘don’t you dare cry you daft bitch’ and ‘no, we will not be weeping at this point’. Might not be massively orthodox but it did really help me! Sorry for your loss and remember, you don’t have to do this perfectly, all you need to do is stand up and let yourself show love.

I write eulogies all the the time people at church if you want to pm me with what you've got and I can make it flow well if you like x

I actually didn’t practice at all for my DF’s eulogy - I didn’t dare. On the day I viewed it as a performance, a public speaking task. The best thing I could do for my DF was hold it together so that people could focus on the words I was saying and on his wonderful qualities, and that got me through it successfully. I was very stressed in the lead up to the funeral and on the day, waiting to do it though. Wishing you the best.

Sorry for your loss OP. Another one recommending practising beforehand to take some of the emotion out of it. My sister and I did the eulogy for our dad recently. One thing that took me by surprise, even though it seems obvious- when I walked into the church at first, I felt really overcome by the number of people who’d come, people I hadn’t seen for ages etc. it took me a while to gather myself. Just mentioning so that you can be prepared in case that happens.

Update: The funeral was yesterday, and I did the eulogy with only a slight wobble at the very end. Many people commented on how well I'd done. Thank you so much everyone for your advice and support which made such a difference. The whole day went off very well and was a fitting tribute to my DF.

Really, really well done. Thanks for updating & I hope you feel proud of yourself.

I’m so delighted to hear this. Bravo op!

And I’m so sorry for your loss. I expect it might start to really hit now with the scramble of funeral preparations over.

You should feel very much at peace after his fitting tribute. 💐