Carers for my elderly terminal parent.

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

Im close to complete breakdown... Doing 15 hour days with a very difficult, oppositional father. My own health is hanging by a thread. Social care locally is on its knees.

I really can't do personal care for him - we have a local person who comes in daily to help him shower /dress.

Dad (via me) pays her monthly by transfer.

A friend has worried me, saying I have 'employed' her... I thought I've been careful to avoid this.. I don't have the headspace to become an employer.

We pay above market rate(but less than agency rate) , and being clear it's a self employed role. (the woman appears to be paying tax etc) she also has her own indemnity insurance.

Could any legal /HR people advise??

When my father was terminally ill, we weren’t awarded care through council - they assessed his need and he paid for the care. He had twice daily visits.

as he was terminally ill he was awarded attendance allowance through gp signing form, at higher amount - this paid for the care

sorry you’re going through this and can understand you bring at breaking point.

id moved in with my father and the last two months my dad moved in to help and it was still hard

Home Instead

AA is only £120 a week?

Bloody hell what a (literal) shitshow. I'm so sorry.

Quite clearly your dad needs live in care, hospital care or a nursing home. And I would doubt his mental capacity to refuse it.

Have you spoken to the Age UK helpline? Put it in the terms you have here, don't sugarcoat it. Your terminally ill dad is wandering, covering rooms with his own shit and not able to do any self care. You are managing his entire life and have gone past carer breakdown.

My next port of call would be your dad's GP, and maybe their social prescriber if they have one. If they're any good they can be a bit of a lifeline helping you negotiate the system.

If you absolutely have to, call an ambulance and walk out. But I hope it wont come to that.