Dm paranoid- how to help df?

[Boxingshibes]

Dm has dementia, recently diagnosed but progressing v rapidly. Df came round over Easter and told us how bad it it. She is now currently paranoid, aggressive and becoming violent.
Df is mentally ok but becoming unsteady on his feet and has had falls.
The problem is that dm is now checking his phone for calls, what's up and emails so he can't really talk about how bad things are.
They are being visited by mental health nurses but I'm only getting limited info.
We do live locally ( dont drive so 1hr by bus though its 7 miles) but my df doesn't want me to visit. We're not a pop round family.
I'm going to go tomorrow and see them.
How can I help? I'm worried about my df.

I'd be talking to the mental health nurses and their GP urgently, and id tbh think about calling the police. Your df is at huge risk due to domestic violence and coercive control, and is physically vulnerable. How incredibly traumatic for him.

Separately, your poor dm has rapidly progressing mental health difficulties and I would want her to be under an EMI consultant (tbh I'd hope she might be admitted for assessment).

This, I'd be very concerned of a serious injury occurring to your df unintentionally by your dm. A knock into/push etc, could result in fall with head injury, neck of femur fracture.
Would dm even be able to recognise he was injured? Could he seek help?
Does she think he's having an affair with the checking of things, or is she paranoid about everything?

The MH team being involved is good. My DM at 83 got sectioned but in slightly different circumstances. Non-scientificically, she displayed as having a faraway look and all logic had left her. She would grab you by the breast or buttock. Her sense of time deserted her. Could your DF.get a phone contact from the MH nurses and give permission for them to
talk to you?

If you DF doesn't want you to visit, I'd suspect he either doesn't want to make a fuss, doesn't want you to worry and/or is trying to hide how bad the situation has got.

He's probably doing the same with the mental health team.

I would suggest being there the next time the mental health team visit (you may need to be insistent with him) and making sure they know exactly what is going on, including the monitoring of calls/emails and violence.

You may need to come up with an excuse to get them in a separate room - getting them to look at something in the kitchen works well. Or if all else fails walking to the door at the end and having a conversation on the doorstep.