Social services referral

[Mumbles12]

We had OT and physio out to see FIL. They have suggested a social services referral. I'm not sure what this would achieve. Has anyone found this useful? FIL currently living with us, his own home is hours away.

Adult social worker here -
they will do an assessment of his care needs (under the care act) to see if he would benefit from a package of care, or if you would benefit from carers support, for example.
it depends on the situation as to whether you would find that would be helpful or not

Yes, if it gets too much for you or you’d like respite care (like getting hen’s teeth) I would suggest you need to be known to them. It might not make any difference in the short term but as it won’t be immediate I think it’s worth exploring.

Thank you for replying, much appreciated. He currently does not want carers in the house. He is registered blind and has to be supported to move around the house and currently has a catheter in place. Lots of other things going on too health wise and a complicated family dynamic (aren't they always! But even OT and physio were stumped for a way forward this morning 😞). I'm assuming that we make a self referral?

He can not want carers all he likes, but if he can’t live without them, and you cannot give him all the care he needs for the rest of his life then something has to give.

you might not need it now, but in 6 months it might be a godsend.

If you get a good social worker they can work miracles in convincing someone to accept the help they need.

I'm an OT and carer for an elderly woman. Get the care in before you need it. Don't try and do it in a time of crisis. Set out your stall now.

Thanks everyone, big family meeting this afternoon. We all need to be very clear about what is sustainable.

Well family meeting held and it wasn't great. He has reluctantly agreed to do the physio he is supposed to be doing as this is what will increase his chances of going home and not living with us. He wishes he were dead, he'd rather be dead than go into a care home, he doesn't want carers or to pay for private physio practice, he knows he is putting an untenable pressure on his son and is sorry but won't do anything to help, he won't consider buying a bungalow near us and I was called "relentless" for pointing out DH's work are already concerned about DH's mental health and stress levels. Sigh.... It's very hard to see a way forward.
However prize stupid comment of the week goes to the idiot assessor from the care enablement team who suggest that BIL give up his job (G.P.) to look after his dad. BIL pointed out that if he did that the mortgage wouldn't be paid and the bank would repossess the house. Do they think there is a magic money tree? Because if there is I want to find it!

Sounds like your only option is drop the rope and let the crisis happen now. Tough to do but often the only way to avoid crashing yourself.

@countrygirl99 you may be right, it's similar to what the physio said. But very hard to do.

It sure is.

Well here we still are with FIL still living between our house and BIL/SIL's. house. It's frankly been a long eleven weeks. He's continued to refuse carers but reluctantly accepted a private physio once a week and a specialist PT once a week. His mobility has improved as we have nagged about the physio. He has repeatedly complained about it though. However BIL (who is a doctor) says that FIL is fit to go home so DH and FIL will do a two night prep the house sort of trip next week before bringing FIL back for another week here as he has a hospital appointment up here. DH lives hours away from us with his other son.
I suspect that he will have another fall soon as there's no way that he will do the physio without nagging and will thus decline again. But we will deal with that when it happens and moving back in here without paid support is going to be a hard no. We can't do this again as going forward it will solely be on DH and I as BIL/SIL's circumstances are changing.