Scared to find out how my dad's appointment went..

[Totallybannanas]

They found a tumour 2 weeks ago, he has to go to an appointment today. Unfortunately, I couldn't go due to work but my auntie went with him. I'm scared to ring him or visit him and find out what happened, part of me is hoping no news is good news but I know this is just me in denial. Do I just pop down, ring or text and wait for his lead. Part of me is scared, the other part of me is wondering if he will need time to process things.

I’d just call him. It won’t change the news and waiting and working yourself up won’t help anyone

Why don’t you phone your Aunt, so that you then have some idea of what to say to your DF.

If you are close then I would go down to find out how it went, I think these things are much better in person, whichever way things go and I really hope it's good news. But sitting at home worrying will make things 1,000x worse as you will start catastrophising. Fingers crossed you go down, he says it's the best possible news and you can get a takeaway to celebrate. Good luck.

Thank you I have guilt for not being there today, but the appointment was last minute. I'm going go down and see him I think. I just don't know what to say or do, if it's bad news. I hate showing my feelings and yet I'm here crying alone.

Oh love, there are times when we just can't be where we want to be. Please don't feel guilty, it couldn't be avoided and he had someone with him which is what really matters. I do know how you feel, my dad has had some very ill health in the past couple of years and it is scary - but it's always better to be there in person if you can. And don't worry about not knowing what to say, that's why in person works, because sometimes you don't have the words but you can have a cwtch and a cup of tea. Keeping my fingers crossed for you both.

Thank you!

You are doing the right thing. I hope your Dad is ok. I'm absolutely sure everyone reading this thread will want to send him their best wishes.

I hope you get some good news. My dad had a cancer diagnosis in summer 2022. After the shock we had the opportunity to pull together and make time as a family before he died in summer of 2023. There were many appointments and emergencies we had to drop everything and go. My and my sisters employer were amazing. For some appointment we phoned in due to time/distance. Please take care of yourself x

I hope that whatever the news is there is a positive outcome and you all get the support you need. There are fabulous charities out there just waiting with open arms for anyone who needs them- and if that happens to be you and your Dad then you'll be welcomed.

Don't be afraid to get upset, better out than in I say.

My fingers and toes are crossed for you both x

Thank you everyone, not great news I'm afraid. I had a little cry, but I know my dad didn't want me to get upset or himself so managed to pull through and stay strong. I'm not sure if he is going to be ok if I'm honest, as sounds a big operation if he is even suitable. I know he is scared of dying but I also know he doesn't want to be in pain and suffer. My dad lives alone, and I work full time so no sure what I need to put into place or where I even stand with my employer. I don't have POA either but wondering if it's too late or how to handle things like his finances, medical decisions or even his bloody car! No will either, as my dad doesn't have alot.

I'm so sorry that it wasn't better news. But you can't eat an elephant in one bite, you need to take it by degrees (and I promise I have been there and know how it feels) and focus on the next steps - what needs to happen now - rather than further into the future. It already feels overwhelming enough without trying to solve all of the issues in one go. It sounds like the next step is determining if an operation is feasible - so what needs to happen to achieve that step? We're all here for you by the way, you can be strong for your dad, but you can be as upset as you like on here, we're here to support you through all of this.

Thank you, we are waiting for the PET scan and MRI so I guess this will determine the treatment and prognosis. I'm just worried I will be running out of time, he's still relatively ok in himself but I know these things can change quickly 😥 The worst bit is knowing they are scared, and nothing you can say or do helps.