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Elderly parents

Difficult dad on holiday

16 replies

Mmr123 · 18/04/2025 01:06

My dad arrived on holiday with us and has been a complete pain. He arrived with an awful cold and has been coughing without covering his mouth right in our faces. He's being moody and rude to me constantly and gets very aggressive if asked not to do something. Honestly wish we hadn't invited him, but made to feel guilty if we don't. He waits to be made food for even though I've made it clear he can sort his own breakfast/lunch and I'd cook the evening meal. He won't tidy up after himself or help with any daily chores like dishwasher/rubbish out etc. If you ask him he gets in a major mood and makes out he's being picked on. Our first week was lovely just us but I'm not even enjoying this week of our holidays as he ruins the energy of every room he walks into. Even in restaurants he's awkward/angry and I keep trying to sit on other ends of the table but end up somehow being near him...suspect everyone else also doing the same thing! How do you deal with someone like this? Saying something will cause an almighty row. We have to clean the accomodation before the next guests and I know he'll refuse (even though no one else makes any where near as much mess as hin!) What would you do?

He has a new partner who seems to have amplified this bad behaviour and his whole personality has really changed. He has always been ranty /angry but the entitledness is completely ramped up. His house is messy at home but he and her seem oblivious to it and make out she's some kind of domestic god, I'm not sure how they've made themselves believe this but us and other family have been horrified by the uncleanness!

OP posts:
FortyElephants · 18/04/2025 05:58

It's insane to go on holiday with a difficult parent like this. You are not obliged to do that! I feel for your partner if you have one having an unpleasant in-law foisted on their holiday. Make this the last time.

rickyrickygrimes · 18/04/2025 06:03

Honestly wish we hadn't invited him, but made to feel guilty if we don't.

I’m afraid that this is the problem. Your dad isn’t going to change and it sounds like you’ve had a lifetime of appeasing his bad moods and grumpy behaviour.

My best friend had exactly the same issue, except for the girlfriend. Her dad ruined countless holidays for her and her kids before she stood up to him. They were at the point where her husband refused to go with them, and kids basically spent all day in bed on holiday just to avoid him.

the ‘almighty row’ has to be had if you want to change things. It’s probably long overdue and your own family will thank you for it.

LindorDoubleChoc · 18/04/2025 06:05

Yes. Chalk it up to experience and never do it again. DH and I went on a family holiday with his parents and brother and the 4 grandchildren. This was in 2006 and we came back from that and swore never again! And we never have, despite various invitations.

Justmuddlingalong · 18/04/2025 06:49

Don't give him the opportunity to ruin any more holidays, despite any fall out.
Tell him he seemed miserable and you certainly were, and that for everyone's sake you will be holiday separately in future.

MsBette · 18/04/2025 07:06

It sounds like he’s traveled to the holiday destination, is it UK? I think you need to sit him down and ask him to leave.

Fluffyholeysocks · 18/04/2025 07:16

You've got to stop feeling guilty when you dont invite him. Instead of framing it as he's messy, moody and lazy, you turn round and say 'you didn't seem to enjoy our last holiday'. The reason you aren't inviting him is because he didn't seem enjoy it - not because you can't put yourself through another week with him.

Eveningstart · 18/04/2025 07:59

Presumably this behaviour is of no surprise to you

don’t invite him in future.

don’t subject your family to him on their holidays

Eveningstart · 18/04/2025 08:00

I’d feel more guilty about ruining the holiday for my family by inviting this quite despicable sounding man

GloriousGoosebumps · 18/04/2025 08:04

I feel for you! It looks as though you'll be more stressed after the holiday than you were before the getaway, which rather defeats the purpose of a holiday.

Who exactly is on this holiday and why can't you all agree a rota for dealing with your father so that no one person has to bear the brunt of it all?

Lastly, surely now he has a girlfriend they'll be wanting to holiday together rather than holidaying with you?

Toodaloo1567 · 18/04/2025 08:05

Eveningstart · 18/04/2025 08:00

I’d feel more guilty about ruining the holiday for my family by inviting this quite despicable sounding man

This. The father is presumably retired so every day is a holiday for him. The OP, her partner and children have limited opportunities to take a holiday due to work commitments and finances.

Mmr123 · 18/04/2025 08:06

Thanks everyone, I will make this the last time!

OP posts:
Mary46 · 18/04/2025 09:21

Yes dont commit to holidays. I dont bring our mam away if you do it once.. my sister law said same her mil hard work so no. What age is he op.

SockFluffInTheBath · 18/04/2025 11:32

Up early and out for the remaining days, he can sort himself. Accept the end of stay clean is on you, and just don’t invite him again. Don’t tell him about future holidays until the day before, or when you get back!

Femalefootyfan · 18/04/2025 12:32

We took my MIL away last year, we paid for the accommodation, which she complained about (the stairs in the house were too steep, the walk to the house was too steep, the weather was too warm). She didn’t so much as make a cup of tea and was rude and entitled. We paid for almost all the lunches, dinners and drinks. She didn’t even offer to pick up any breakfast items from the shop and I think she only bought one or two drinks. Thankfully we were only away for a few days but we both said never again and we will stick to that.

OP, don’t invite your Dad and his partner on holiday again, it sounds like you need to be really clear about your expectations and you should absolutely not feel guilty about not inviting them again.

I8toys · 18/04/2025 17:29

That would be the last time. Holidays are for an enjoyable time with loved ones and he's being a major sulking pain in the arse. Manchild. Sort you and your family out and leave him to it. Try and salvage something left of the holiday.

InSpainTheRain · 14/07/2025 19:09

Don't invite him again - ever! I am angry on your behalf.

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