The relationship with a live-in carer

[ButSpringDidNotKnow]

My parents have finally agreed to get a live-in carer. Duties will be agreed, and it's clear that she will be a carer not a cleaner. The only housework that she will be expected to do will be that directly related to her caring duties.

What else do we need to understand about living with a live-in carer?

I would write a list of carer duties agreed with your parents.

And then write a person spec.

This will help you find and interview suitable candidates and give you all reference to expected duties in writing. include a sentence at end to say "and do any other reasonable duties associated with care not explicitly mentioned."

Even if you employ someone for 1 hour a week you still need to offer them a pension I believe, so look into the legal side of employment too. think about their contract, what will happen when they are sick and how much holiday they will get.
Companies exist out there who will do this legal side for you for a fee. I used Salvere when I used to employ a PA for my disabled daughter.

They can do cleaning if that helps the person? Are you using an agency or direct?

When I was a live in carer I did all cleaning, just as if it was my own home.
That's the whole point.
All cooking and cleaning, care and companionship.

How are you paying the person? As in, are they going to be an employee on your payroll, or self-employed and providing you with a service?

The latter is much, much less complicated, however, if the carer turned on you and took you to court to say they should have been an employee and are now demanding pay for things they didn't get (such as sick pay or maternity leave) you'd have to prove why you thought they were providing you a service as opposed to you employing them.

Cover for their time off. Depends on the set up but I’ve seen 3 hours a day (usually the morning), one 24 hour period a week and usually no night wakings as the norm. If they need to be covering nights too (ie instead of being able to sleep all night) then you need a second person to cover the nights. Using an agency means they send someone to cover the time off.

What happens about shopping. Will the carer take a list and go or will there be a food delivery. Set clear expectations around meal preparation and what it consists of - have seen some disasters with live-in carers where the carer only ate once a day so didn’t see any need to provide more than that for the person they were caring for(!). Can the carer cook? And do they know how to cook the meals the elderly person likes?

Cleaning, I’d expect the carer to do all the cleaning, that’s why they’re living there. Although if it’s a big house you might need a cleaner too.

Can the carer drive and will they be the person taking the elderly person to medical appointments? Depends on set up but this required person being cared for to have a car and appropriate insurance.

That’s a really positive step — well done to you and your parents for reaching this point, as it can often take time to feel ready. From my experience supporting families in similar situations, I’d say the biggest thing to prepare for is the adjustment period. Having someone new living in the home takes a little time for everyone to get used to, but very often, once routines are established and relationships form, it feels natural surprisingly quickly.

Also, while their main focus will rightly be care-related duties (and not general housework), live-in carers often naturally contribute to the sense of home — making meals, helping keep things tidy, and offering friendly company day to day. The key is clear communication so everyone feels comfortable and knows what to expect.

Another thing worth mentioning is that a good care provider will support you through the process of carefully matching the right carer. It’s not one-size-fits-all. Your loved one’s preferences, hobbies, personality and specific care needs should all be considered to help ensure a good fit — which really makes all the difference when someone is living in the home and offering such personal support.
Wishing you all the best as you take this next step — it’s a big one, but very often a hugely positive one too. 💙