Not sure what to do

[Noteatinglunch]

My mum has dementia and can't cook for herself.

I don't live nearby but as far as I knew, everything was sorted because my sister was cooking her dinner and making her lunch for the next day.

I've just found out that my mum isn't eating her lunch. That means that she's not eating from 7am - 6pm.

I'm not sure what to do. I've tried calling at lunchtime to prompt her to eat but she's not picking up. She's either out walking or she can't hear the phone because she's not wearing her hearing aids.

I suggested organising a carer to prompt her to eat but my sisters don't want carers and say that she's fine because she eats twice a day.

I could order lunch to be delivered but my mum goes out walking and may not be there.

Any ideas?

Nothing to resolve
If she fit enough to walk first an hour cclearly surviving on 2 meals.

I really only eat breakfast or lunch, rarely both. You can't make someone eat if they are not hungry. A good breakfast and dinner and snacks in the house if wanted is fine I would have thought.

My mum is mid 70s and eats twice a day breakfast and dinner although her dinner is at 5, but if your mum is capable of making breakfast and eats her dinner than that's probably enough for her, is she drinking enough during the day ? That can be a worry for older people.

I only eat lunch and dinner I'm hardly ever hungry in the morning, It isn't a big deal really.

The walking is more worrying but if she's ok with that then I think she's probably ok with two meals. Is there food in the house she can snack on if she feels hungry, fruit etc?

My DH doesn't have dementia but he only ever eats two meals a day. Did she used to eat at lunchtime? Maybe this has been her routine for years.

Not sure why earlier posters were so rude to OP. Unnecessary. Anyway, the later ones seem better.

If she is eating a good dinner every night , physically well and not losing weight, I'm not sure you need to worry. I agree with PP that drinking enough is more likely to be an issue because of the risk of bladder problems, low blood pressure (and falls), and other things.

But again as pps say, it really isn't for you to 'handle' directly as you are not on the spot. If you think your Mum needs additional care or input, the way to arrange this would have to be via your sisters and probably at their initiative. So to say to your sister/s "I know you are doing so much and I wish I could contribute a bit more - is there anything I can take on remotely?" [or pay for - if you have the resources and your Mum doesn't]

Do your sisters get respite - are they taking turns? Can you offer to go and stay for a week so they can have a holiday?

Yeah, that is the difficulty given that you don't have POA. I guess all you can do really is talk to your sisters again. I do agree with you that it's a long time to go without food though.

Have your sisters given reasons why they don't want carers, btw? - for financial reasons or is there more to it, do you know?

First option would be to do nothing, given that she is eating twice a day and ? not excessivle losing weight? Though eating less is part of the progression of the disease.

After discussion with your sisters, I would then try testing out an option by going over one day and meeting your mum in the park and either producing a snack and flask of tea from your bag, or taking her to a cafe. If she has a regular routine, you could perhaps employ someone to meet her in the park and do this, though they would probably have to get to know her with you first. I'd also assess how she seemed there - whether she looked thirsty and tired or OK. But employing someone would have to be with your sisters' agreement imo.

I'd also investigate whether she would consider having cards with emergency contact details in her pockets, or some kind of watch/bracelet alarm if you think she would remember to press it.