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Elderly parents

Father is a complete wasteman

5 replies

redvelvet9 · 12/04/2025 22:53

Haven’t spoken to my father properly in almost a year, he affected my mental health regularly so I decided enough was enough. However, he lives in my bungalow where I no longer reside. I spent a lot of money on renovating it and it was beautiful. But he takes it upon himself to build abominations! Literally! He has never been great at DIY, he’s very sloppy and he’s ruined most of everything I’ve paid for. He never invests in the house by repairing and doing bits n bobs to upkeep it. He laughs when I ask why he hasn’t run it past me first before building stuff, and just says “because I don’t” and tries to be dominant to shut me up. As well as this, he smokes pot every day which he lies about but always reeks of it. He is disgustingly unkempt, can’t even tie his laces, shoes slopping off and jeans falling off because of flying low. He’s also got a stupid face piercing and I won’t talk about his hair. I am massively embarrassed and I will not be seen in public near him, but there is no telling him. I’ve asked him to take down his abominations which he said ok to, but I know full well that he will continue on with his plans…to the detriment of my investment of the property. How on earth do I get the message across to him to STOP ruining my house and how can I get him to look after his appearance? He’s very defensive and I’m worried he will go all depressive and cause me worry. Does anyone else have such a bonkers parent?????

OP posts:
Littlefish · 12/04/2025 23:06

He’s an adult. You can’t make him change the way he dresses, does his hair etc.

Do you have a proper housing contract with your father?

I suspect that the only way to stop him damaging your house is to evict him.

rickyrickygrimes · 13/04/2025 06:39

His appearance really isn’t important.

What age are you both?
Who owns the house, how did he come to be living in it? Where added you living now?

SockFluffInTheBath · 13/04/2025 11:24

Littlefish · 12/04/2025 23:06

He’s an adult. You can’t make him change the way he dresses, does his hair etc.

Do you have a proper housing contract with your father?

I suspect that the only way to stop him damaging your house is to evict him.

Agree with this, his hair and piercings are not for you to choose. The house is a different matter, get a proper contract or get him out.

BunnyRuddington · 14/04/2025 08:40

If he’s damaging your house surely you can evict him? Tell him it’s not working out and you want him to leave. I’m assuming you’ve gone done the proper route of renting and he’s been given a contract and things like the “How to Rent” booklet?

Dearg · 14/04/2025 10:06

Where are you living??

Evict him.

He may be your father, but he is treating you very badly. You do not need to put up with that.

Get him out and reclaim your space and peace

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