Scared about being asked to do personal care

[rookiemere]

Please be gentle with me on this.

I am an only DC work full time, DPs who live an hour away have been managing up until now. DF91 actually seems pretty well although frail,but DM 86 is deteriorating rapidly. She has osteoporosis, macular degeneration and chrohns disease. I managed to get her full attendance allowance last year, hoping they might get a cleaner but instead DF bought a wide screened TV and as a huge concession DM put the washing in the tumble dryer instead of trying to hang it up, and gets the occasional taxi if DF isn’t able to pick her up( yes he’s still driving but that is a whole other thread).

She isn’t coping well and on Thursday fell over on her way into the shower and hurt her hip. It isn’t broken so they discharged her from hospital, but she is in a lot of pain and unable to leave her bed.I am going up tomorrow, she says she needs a commode and couldn’t understand why the GP wouldn’t just give her one, so I will order what she needs from Amazon and try to convince them that she needs a social care assessment. We are in Scotland so if she qualifies for care it will be free, or in the short term they have money to pay for private care.

Except I expect she will resist and I have a horrible feeling when I am up I may be required to support with toileting and bathing. It sounds ridiculous I suppose and selfish, but we aren’t touchy feely people and the thought of having to do that just makes me feel nauseous. I am a very practical person and I can do all the organisation of getting cleaners and carers in if I get the green light. I am also beginning to suspect I may be ND but that could just be menopause.

I know I may just have to get over myself for this one time, but I wonder am I the only one who feels like this ?

@PotterHead1985

A shampoo cap is like a thicker version of a a shower cap that has shampoo stuff inside it that is sort of moist but not ultra wet and the dirt/grease gets absorbed back into the cap. You put it on, massage the head through the cap for a few minutes, take it off and you are done.

Google around for different brands and test them out. Some are better than others. They aren't as good as a water and shampoo actual wash (and you can do this with flannels actually without getting someone very wet) but are good if you are in a situation where you want a quick and easy hair clean.

Some of them suggest warming in the microwave before you start so check what the individual one requires.

https://www.ageukincontinence.co.uk/vivactive-shampoo-cap-conditioner.html

https://www.ageukincontinence.co.uk/incontinence-shop/personal-care/skin-care-and-cleansing/hair-and-body-wash/tena-shampoo-cap.html

@rookiemere - I see you posted again on this thread after my post. I would have appreciated it if you had acknowledged my post. It upset me to post on this thread and think about caring because I am grieving. I only did it to help you. It was a long post and took some time and the fact you haven't even acknowledged makes me think it was upset and a waste of time for no reason.

I am so sorry I did not mean to upset you, I posted quickly as I stopped somewhere on the way home. I absolutely do appreciate your post and tips on what to get, please do not think that I didn’t.

I am just processing the changes at the minute.

And I will be referring back to this thread once the OT has been to see if there are any additional items that would be helpful to DM.

I would be concerned she needs further assessment for possible missed pelvic fracture.

Apparently the hip pain is easing up, but the issue is because of her osteoporosis it has jarred her lower back. That’s what the visiting GP thought anyway. But worth keeping in mind if it doesn’t ease off by Monday when health professionals coming out again.

No not baby wipes.. these are wipes that soap up once wet.. for people that can't bath or shower.. non allergic so okay for personal hygiene.

Ok @moierthanks I’m

thank you for your post @rookiemere I'm going to go back to blocking this topic now. Best wishes to you.

I didn’t need them myself when in hospital, but in the loos I noticed boxes of moisturising cleansing wipes, much bigger than baby wipes. Presumably they were used for patients who for whatever reason could not use a shower. I dare say they are available to buy online.

I'm also in Scotland. My mum had several goes at trying to guilt trip me into providing personal care for my Dad but I just wasn't going to. I had similar circumstances to you with distance, kids and work and I'd also previously worked as a carer and just couldn't think of anything worse than doing it for my own relatives. Stick to your guns.

Carers get organised through your local authority - if it seems like it's taking a while to get anything happening on this side then speak to one of your local coun illors.