Any tips on how do we ensure that mum stays at home for carer to come in the morning?

[jessica799]

My dear mother, 80 and generally fit physically, has recently been diagnosed with dementia. We kind of knew for the past few years but its useful to have it confirmed. Following on one or two incidents where we didnt know where she was we got a tracker. We have also arranged for a carer to come in to help her with her tablets in the morning

The problem has now emerged that once or twice a week mum is not at home when the carer calls. Looking at the tracker it seems she has a habit of getting up early and then catching a bus into the town centre to go to Boots/ Poundland/ Tesco/ the Halifax/ other shops whatever is on her mind. The carer generally comes 8:30-9 and so we get a call from the agency saying shes not there.

We have told her that she needs to wait in until the carer comes before going out but are slightly at a loss about what we can do - has anyone got any ideas about how we can successfully manage this situation?

Can’t they come a bit later if she likes to get her errands done early?

If she has a smart phone the Life360 app is great.

Might be time to look at options? We had to transition from visits to a live in carer. Then couple of years later moved in with a family member and eventually to a care home with medical support. Sorry to be depressing about it but there comes a point when the wandering becomes dangerous.

Our council did initially offer us a box to put by the door with a family members voice recorded to remind the relative to stay inside but they took zero notice of it.

Get an Alexa and set up (multiple) voice reminders in the morning that carers are coming?

I agree with PP. unfortunately it doesn’t sound as though she’s safe there anymore.

She may be deliberately going out so she doesn’t have to see the carer.

If the carer is only coming to witness her taking her tablets, could you FaceTime your mum early in the morning to witness her taking them?

Does she HAVE to have the tablets in the morning? Would lunchtime or teatime be ok instead? Obviously depends what the medication is though.

Tbh I'd just change the time the carer comes. Or could you manage the meds using something like a pivotell?

When medication becomes an issue you need to have someone there to administer them and keep them in a locked box. We've had issues with not taking them and also overdose. She does sound as if more care is required.

I agree the only way to manage it is to 'manage around her'. So change the time of the carer when she is most likely to be at home. You can tell her as many times as you like, and set reminders, but within 30 seconds she is likely to have forgotten and set off to the shops.

Are you confident your mum is eating meals regularly? I just ask because at this stage my mother always said she was, but she wasn't, so the carers had to prepare meals and ensure she ate while they were there.

I agree, they often say they’ve eaten because in their mind it’s the logical thing to have eaten but they’ve often not.

My DM has never been able to cook and now her Dementia is developing she’s finding preparing even a sandwich too confusing.

Does she have control of her own money? I’ve moved a lot of my DMs so she knows where it is but doesn’t understand how to get to it herself.

Would swapping to a lunch time care call work?

Different topic but is she ok to do her Halifax banking, are you able to keep an eye on her account?

We had the same with dmil she would get the early morning bus to town every day and was missing her carers
We changed the time they came to 7.30 am to try and catch her before she went out.

Agree that asking the carer to come earlier seems like the logical solution

The usual point about dementia, is that the person will forget to look at or listen to, whatever reminders you’ve set up. And even if they do, they will very likely forget whatever they read or heard within seconds.

Many of us have had to find this out the hard way,