POA responsibilities burden?

[LoveWatchingTheSea]

Im posting on elderly parents as figure you guys will know more about this than most…

I’m mid 50s divorced and in ok health now but who knows whats to come (Mum diagnosed with beginnings of dementia aged 69 but died of other causes not long after)

I want to set up a POA finance & health but there’s only really my 18 year old daughter. I’m just worried about putting a burden on her, but I’m thinking she’ll hopefully not need to use it til she’s an lot older…

Any thoughts/ advice please?

Yes - do it! If there comes a time when it’s needed, by NIT doing it, she’ll be placed in a very difficult position in all likelihood.

As you say you’re only in your 50’s and fit and well. Hopefully it won’t be needed for many years.

Yes, do it. And write up a quick-start list to help her. What bills and accounts and insurance and annual services etc you have.

I have a friend who was very unlucky in her 50s, multiple health issues, now has very erratic memory and has lost all their vision.

Imagine that happened to you - you can't SEE your bank statements and bills, you can't remember what a payment was for or whether you have settled a bill. You would have to get someone you trust to sort your finances for you and that is what the finance PoA is. But it has to be set up while you still have capacity. Otherwise someone has to take months and thousands of pounds going to the Court Of Protection to be allowed to administer your finances.

If your daughter is unfamiliar with bills and accounts, now is the time to talk her through them anyway, as she'll be dealing with them on her own behalf soon.

Thanks @MysterOfwomanY I already have a file on the laptop with all my incomings/outgoings plus account numbers and contact info for everything. She’s already good at bills and admin etc so I have no worries there.
I’m just a bit worried that it’ll be a lot of work for her should the worst happen but as you say it’ll be a lot worse without a POA!

Much better to have in place well before you need it. Once someone loses capacity they can't consent to a poa and everything becomes harder.

@LoveWatchingTheSea have a frank discussion with her first. I have it set up with my slightly older kids but I also spoke with them all and checked they were ok with it. We have a very good relationship. However, cautionary tale-my parents refused to entertain me setting it up for them UNTIL crisis happened. It has been useful for my father as he does not have capacity-but he still resists the decisions my siblings and I make. Our mother has full capacity but makes the most terrible decisions and choices. She actually insisted I set up the POA and told me she would always let us make decisions for her even before she in her words ‘lost it’. She won’t. She goes against or is contrary to every single piece of really sensible suggestions. I am currently weighing up dipping out.

You could look into this to perhaps take the feeling of ‘responsibility/burden’ out of the POA.
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/end-of-life-care/planning-ahead/advance-decision-to-refuse-treatment/

Your daughter sounds awesome BTW as do you making sensible plans. My parents have left us with an utter mess. But hey at my age they were globetrotters without a care in the world. We are hollow shells of ourselves.

Someone needs to do it so you can either nominate her or think of someone else.

Given your relative youth she will probably be old enough to cope by the time it ticks round but you can definitely make it easier for her.

1. Streamline your finances. Don't be like my batty old person who has left me dealing with 27 financial institutions with about a zillion accounts many of which have <£300 in them. Keep good records. Make sure she knows where these are.

2)Prepare for your old age - swedish death clearing is a good idea! Make sure your house is kept in good nick.

3. Write down or discuss what you think you want in the future

4. Write a funeral plan and ideally buy a prepaid one early.

Oh and my old person also makes shit decisions. The current financial battle I'm going through is trying to find out what happens if you don't take your private pension before age 75. Despite about a hundred letters from the provider telling you that things will be very bad if you don't do something soon, immediately, last week. It is so infuriating.

Sorry, I hit yes by mistake! The sooner the better I think, I am going to get mine done asap.

We've put them in place for myself and husband who has advanced cancer. Son's 19 and 21.

If I'm honest I have waited until ds is 21 to do it, feeling as you do about an 18 year old. I'll have dp on there too to support him. But ultimately it's not a bad process in itself and mostly it's incredibly unlikely it will be needed for years.

Do it. But don't rely on list on your computer, my mum did a lovely guide to her finances etc 15 years ago. She's moved house twice, fallen out with her solicitor and changed doctors and laptops too. So that lovely guide is totally useless now.
Do a hard copy list and update it annually.

I was thinking g the same OP I have DH first but then DS1 (20) as second if first is not here / available, I am probably going to do as recommended upthread with the advance statement to make things easier for them if needed.