Does everyone fall to bits in old age?

[Supersimkin7]

DP have both lost their minds, fall over and are doubly incontinent. They’ve had care at home for seven years and a zillion crises before that.

We’re trying to keep them out of an institution, mainly because they could be in there for another decade or more.

Neither has a single ailment that will end their lives.

How do most people go? Is it always as awful as this?

Unfortunately, both my parents went this way, which doesn’t give me confidence in my own future.
But my aunt lived to be 93. She lived on her own until the last three months when she became ill. Up till then, she lived in her own house. Until Covid (age 90) she took the bus into town each week to do her own shopping, although her daughters looked in on her at least once a week I’d say. She couldn’t get to the phone quickly, but apart from that, I’d say she did really well. She didn’t get dementia, didn’t fall over, and most of her other elements were in line with ‘ normal aging’.

My parents were very active, vibrant people until Dad was diagnosed with a lung condition at 76. He still worked until he was 80! Both of them declined hugely at 80. Dad was on oxygen and mum has osteoporosis. They left downsizing too late which made life harder for them and wore them out. Dad has since died (85) and mum still living independently at 84 but needs help (refusing it). We’re getting by with our weekly visits and a cleaner. She’s had a few falls. She’s got a multitude of health issues now and is in constant pain. I find it hard to remember my parents as they were. I’m actually dreading old age now.

With my grandparents only one died in his sleep. The rest were cancer & pneumonia but did seem to happen fairly quickly.

It's awful but I'm kind of relieved that my mum, who I love to bits, has a health condition that means she won't make it to frail old age, so we'll never have the nightmare of both parents getting to that state.

It's not inevitable - my grandfather lived to 93 and was basically in good health until his final weeks with cancer. His second wife (my grandma died of cancer in her late 60s) is also alive in her mid 90s but has had dementia for the last 3 years - she is still managing to stay at home with a carer.

I'm 100% making a advanced directive that I do not wish to have lifesaving intervention should I develop dementia as I don't want to put my kids thorough years of this.

We’re trying to keep them out of an institution, mainly because they could be in there for another decade or more.

DP have spent the grandkids’ university fees x3.

These two statements from OP stood out for me.

It may be that your parents would be better off if they were in a care home. They are not all grim and you have to look around and do your research. There are so many dedicated care home staff and many post on this site - incidentally, they must get so peed off with the assumption that they are all useless. I hope your parents are still at home by their choice and not because of your money considerations.

The statement about having spent the grandkids' university fees is quite worrying. It makes no logical sense at all to me. Your parents are two fellow human beings who are living their lives as best they can whilst burdened with deteriorating health. They are just as worthy of respect and consideration as your children. You imply that is they would just get on and die then your children would be better off. That makes me shudder for its sheer inhumanity.