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Elderly parents

Snappy Father

6 replies

darknightslightmorning · 19/03/2025 19:12

i lost my Mum last year after a long illness. My Dad was her carer, thinking back on it I thought he was snippy with her but sometimes she wasn’t the easiest to live with due to the nature of her illness so I just thought that was there way.

it is only since she passed I have really took on how rude my Dad can be especially to me. When I call him to see how he is he is snippy if I don’t give the response he wants to his latest moan, It sometimes feels like if I say black he will say white just for the sake of it. I get he is grieving but I am too and to be honest if it was anyone else acting like that I would simply just stop contacting them.

its terrible but there are only the two of us left as my sibling has also passed away but I am dreading any contact him. Gone are the days where I would look forward to visiting him and now I put it off as much as possible because he has become the definition of a grumpy old man. Has anyone else experienced this and any tips on how to make this relationship a bit easier?

There is little point in actually talking to him about his behaviour as he is emotionally immature and holds grudges so would likely go in a huff. It’s actually pathetic when I write this down.

OP posts:
Bannedontherun · 19/03/2025 19:25

Let it go over your head and under your feet. Change the subject and be breezy and cheery he is to old to change.

shellyleppard · 19/03/2025 19:31

@darknightslightmorning I'm sorry you are struggling. How is his memory?? My dad is 80 , similar situation to you. I put his snappiness down to the stress of looking after my mum but he's gotten worse since she has passed. He's going to talk to the doctor about a possible dementia diagnosis

darknightslightmorning · 19/03/2025 19:40

Bannedontherun · 19/03/2025 19:25

Let it go over your head and under your feet. Change the subject and be breezy and cheery he is to old to change.

Thank you, that actually makes sense. About to call him so think I will try this.

OP posts:
darknightslightmorning · 19/03/2025 19:42

shellyleppard · 19/03/2025 19:31

@darknightslightmorning I'm sorry you are struggling. How is his memory?? My dad is 80 , similar situation to you. I put his snappiness down to the stress of looking after my mum but he's gotten worse since she has passed. He's going to talk to the doctor about a possible dementia diagnosis

His memory is fine, he just seems to have gone from a fun guy to be around to one of those horrible grumpy old men who think they can snap at everyone and that instances where he is rude when we are out should be considered witty or fun. God I miss the old him from when he was in his 40s cos this version sucks.

OP posts:
MaryGreenhill · 19/03/2025 19:51

He's probably very unhappy OP and you know what the saying is , we always take it out on those that we love .

PermanentTemporary · 19/03/2025 21:22

There might be a lot of reasons, grief being one. Many of us are no good at being carers, have to do it anyway and find that we don't get any better at it. It's very depressing. He sounds depressed.

No harm in suggesting he sees his GP but I'd be amazed if he agrees.

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