MIL Bowels Colonoscopy

[Adviceaftercolonoscopy]

For years now MIL has had severe diahorrea with leakage which has got worse. She promised to go to the Dr almost two years ago and then didn't. She is very thin yet eats like a horse and recently is much more tired and less inclined to go out - at all. She is 88.

She went about four weeks ago and was put on the two week referral for a colonoscopy. She insisted on having gas and air so she could refuse to be accompanied. Evidently they also did a CT scan.

On Thursday the hospital called her to attend an appointment on Monday.

Does anyone with experience suspect that my instincts, that this is cancer and probably advanced, are correct.

it is hard to say as there are lots of conditions that could have these symptoms. Are you going to the apt with her? Best to just wait and see what the Consultant says and be guided by them good luck

No, I'm not going and am only the DIL. Neither she nor DH seem in the least concerned. If it were my mum, I'd be at her side for this but my mum would have gone to the Dr with the first symptoms.

well in that case best just wait and see what she tells you or your DH. some people deal with these things by seeming unconcerned or they are burying their heads in the sand. my OH is like that if he does not think about it or does not do it like answering emails it will go away

Like you I'd be very concerned, especially being called to a face to face appointment so soon after.

Is your DH even aware that cancer is a possibility?

Years would be a long time to have had these symptoms if they were always due to cancer.

It may have been something else originally and she has now developed cancer as well

They normally give you some indication as to what they've found after a colonoscopy.

It does sound like they've found something. I think you have to try and support her to deal with it in her own way.

I agree I'd be with my mum but that may not be how your mil wants things

Good luck

I wonder if he's really unconcerned or just given up or cant face it. My mum won't go and you can't make them. I've tried to get her to address health issues, but she gets all conspiracy theory about doctors and believes if she goes to see one they'll force her to take medication she doesn't want. Nothing I say has changed things. I might appear unconcerned, but I've had to learn to ignore it for my own sanity.

My DF had a similar experience and was also in his 80’s at the time. They removed part of his bowel, rejoined the ends (so no bag) and I was amazed at how quickly he recovered. They did find it had spread to one lymph node and so he had chemotherapy by tablets (due to age they said). He was discharged after 5 years as the cancer had not returned. Sadly he has since died but nothing to do with the bowel cancer. Hope all goes well for your MIL

I work with colorectal pathways like these. To have a CT straight after a colonsocopy would indicate that they found something they want to assess further, likely a cancer. But as PP said, a good endoscopist should have discussed this with her. I would highly recommend she takes someone with her to this appointment as a treatment plan will be discussed. I understand however that can be difficult if she is not willing to discuss it (my mum is the same). I hope I have not been to straightforward here, happy to answer more questions if you have them.

Maybe she thinks that at 88 something is going to get her and so be it if this is it. I don't think you can impose how you would react on to her - that's not fair.

This was my Dad two years ago exactly the same but younger! we think he knew something was up I went with him and in hindsight I think he'd primed the doctor to play it down as I was 34 weeks pregnant and didn't want to worry me...... he too got sent for a CT!

He went to get results himself and a lovely cancer nurse helped him call me to break the news it wasn't good!

Frankly I think he'd had enough and wanted to be with my mum so did zero about his symptoms until they wouldn't be avoided anymore and his first grandchild was on its way kinda threw a spanner in his plan!!

Yes I don't see why instilling panic on an 88 year old if they're happy. Death gets us all eventually, perhaps she's accepted that?

You have been very helpful. Thank you. Your frankness is welcomed and helps me to know how best to manage DH. She will go alone as we are 240 miles away and has said there is no neednfor DH to go. There is nobody else.

She insisted DH wasn't required for the colonoscopy which is why she had it with just gas and air. A part of me is hanging onto the fact that as she refused sedation they might have done the CT to avoid pain but I also appreciate that is a unicorn spotting approach. The CT bit only came out this morning and DH is under the impression it was a standard part of it. I know it isn't because I have had a colonoscopy and also recall the surgeon telling me directly afterwards that nothing suspicious was seen. My follow up was to discuss exercises/physio to avoid surgery later (a little damage having arisen due to a posterior birth many years oreviously).

This happened to my mum but she was only in her seventies. She refused all treatment.
At 88 I would probably refuse all treatment. She may do so.

Nobody is instilling panic. It's a matter of practically managing what she might need. We are hundreds of miles away. Her daughters are thousands of miles away and she will expect her wishes to be cared for at home to be followed as closely as possible. Nobody can nip round the corner casually.

I'm quite sure if it is cancer she won't want anything radical done. However, I also have to be mindful that the sisters will blame DH for not getting her sorted out sooner. He has cajoled and advised but is well aware that for as long as she has capacity, it is entirely her choice.

Glad to be of help. If her hospital is similar to ours and it is news of a cancer then a nurse specialist should be in the room as well and will speak with her and can speak with your DH over the phone if she allows it. Hopefully none of this is required and it is not this news. Will be thinking of your family.

Cancer it could be but 'probably advanced' is a bit of a stretch on the information so far. Bowel cancer tumours are generally very slow growing, and there are plenty of things other than cancer that can cause blood in stools and the sort of symptoms your MIL has had (e,g, Crohns, IBS, diverticulitis )

In my experience, if it was very obviously a tumour, the colonoscopist would have recognised this as such and likely said something to her immediately after the procedure, although they'd have ot wait for the analysis of any biopsies taken to be 100% sure.

The hospital meeting will likely go though the findings and discuss possible options and if it does turn out to be cancer then as a previous poster says there will most likely be a colorectal CNS (Clinical Nurse Specialist) also present who will provide a lot of written information and act as a contact for any future questions that might arise.

@POOhsticks and she may well have been alerted by the colonoscopist, but having known her for 35 years, that is not a message likely to be relayed to DH. That is why I am more worried than might appear necessary. She is opaque at the best of times and has issues with illness. She considers illness to be a weakness and something that arises only in those who are in some way deficient.

Please don't take this the wrong way, and I fully understand your concerns, but I think to a certain extent you need to respect the fact that, assuming she has full capacity and isn't asking you or your DH to go to a lot of trouble on her behalf, she has the right to make her own decisions about how she wants to handle this.

It may be that she's being thoughtful in not wanting to worry you, but equally could be that it will be helpful to her to not discuss it with people other than those she chooses to (which may just be the medical professionals) - especially until after she has this meeting and knows exactly what she's dealing with.

I know from personal experience that telling people you have cancer can produce some uncomfortable reactions and some never deal with you in the same way after they know, and make comments or pull pitying faces that they think will help but most definitely don't (I think there was a thread on that here quite recently). I'm not saying that you or DH would do that, by the way.

I've never told my family, partly because I didn't want to worry them when there was nothing they could do to help but also because I really didn't need to deal with the mental stress of having them continually getting upset about it or talk about it, which I know they would have done - I had enough to deal with without that. I just wanted to lead as normal as life as possible.

@POOhsticks I hear you and am very sorry that you have had to face cancer and completely understand how you feel.

We would of course respect her wishes. She is, however, very adverse to any forms of medical need and it saddens me that if this is cancer, it might have been averted had she gone to the Dr two or three years ago. Entirely her choice I know. That doesn't cancel how worried about her one of her daughters has been but none of her children will be explicit because she can be very difficult. It was left to me to have the serious chat two years ago and two years ago she promised she would go to the doctor. It will likely be my fault that she didn't.

Whilst she may not want anyone to go to any trouble, she is 88 and whatever she decides we will be the ones on call and the ones who will have to make arrangements. I am assuming DH will have to hire a nurse, etc, because she will not want to leave her home.

Just to say, it might not be cancer. My DM (late 70s) has had colorectal symptoms for several years - ranging from diarrhoea to nausea to persistent bloating to blood in stool. She's had various tests done, including colonoscopy, gastroscopy and CT. The colonoscopy found several polyps - one of which was pretty large, and they removed it under general - but no cancer in the bowel or anywhere else. On the downside, removing the polyp didn't make any difference to her symptoms, and the diarrhoea is as bad as ever. She's tried dietary changes as well in case IBS etc, but nothing seems to make any difference.