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Elderly parents

DM sleeping constantly

1 reply

MrsFunnyFanny · 07/03/2025 12:03

My mum had a stroke at the end of January, and it affected her entire right side and her speech/swallowing. She spent a week on an acute stroke ward, then was moved to a stroke rehab unit where she stayed for a month. From the very beginning, she has stated that she wants to die, and I really thought for a while that she was going to, but of course she didn’t.
in the rehab unit, she basically refused to engage with the therapists, and didn’t make any progress. Her swallowing improved so she could manage soft foods, and she regained some speech, so she could communicate with us, but physically nothing changed. Eventually they said she ought to be discharged as there was no point in rehab when she didn’t appear to want to try.
After wrangling with the hospital, who wanted her to go to a care home, I have brought her home to her own place, and I’ve moved in to look after her.
Since we got back, all she has wanted to do is sleep. I have to wake her for meds and to give her drinks and bits of food, but she clearly doesn’t want to eat, and just wants to go back to sleep. I honestly feel like she’s made it home, which was what she really wanted, and now she’s just giving up. Does anyone have any experience of this?
She has absolutely no quality of life now, and I know that she wouldn’t want to live as she is now - paralysed, incontinent, barely able to speak etc. It’s really sad, but I’m happy for her that she’s back at home which is all she wanted and cried for during her hospital stay.

OP posts:
valder · 07/03/2025 16:10

I know it must be heartbreaking for you to see her like that. But sometimes what WE want for them is not what they want for themselves. What age is she? Not that it makes any difference, but it could be an indicator of overall health and attitude to life.

Seems that she is tired of life alright. If she is comfortable and warm and cared for - which you are doing, then I would let her take the lead and let her be.

On the other hand, maybe the GP or district nurse etc. could call and do an assessment. That would put your mind at rest that there is nothing fundamentally wrong, e.g. meds needing adjustment for example, which might improve things. It's possible that she has had a few TIAs or indeed another mild stroke since the first one. A CT scan would be needed to confirm, but maybe that's not warranted right now.

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