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Elderly parents

DM mid 80s after 48h with new (quiet) neighbours - she is selling and moving - irrational drama

6 replies

boxesand · 03/03/2025 18:41

My DM doesnt have an email, doesnt have a smartphone, dishwasher, electric kettle etc, can not really follow the modern technology yet she came up with an idea yesterday that she will sell her appartment and buy another one. She will also sell what my DF left me because she feels it is hers.
Her reason is that after 48h with new neighbours who are 6 people in 3 bed appartment she is convinced they will flood her. She had a flooding from their dishwasher 2 weeks ago when the workers where refurbishing.
She now keeps a diary what time they have a shower, how long for, wonders if the dishwasher is on or off, same with washing machine.
I challneged her on the sale of her appartment (she never dealt with estate agents) how is she planning to do this, she just thinks it is as simple as going and just letting them know. Knowing her she will get done like a kipper as they will see an elderly incompetent person and I explained to her that once she sells she will not get same size for her money. She is adamant she will or she will get rid of my inheritance and have enough money. My DM likes drama and is often coming up with these irrational ideas which I can not control. We live in different countries. She is in conflict with all remaining family members. She never listens to anything I say or suggest but likely to praise starngers for their ideas and she is on a mission to get me to live nearby her and be her lady in waiting, she actually said to me she would want me nearby so I can do jobs for her. In the current place she has lovely neighbours for the past 35 years, she will not find this elsewhere and what is the guarantee who is going to live above her (and be noisy)? I am struggling to talk to her as she doesnt listen, is agressive, interrupts anything I try to say. I visist her twice a year but she wants me to come over more often. Problem is I have nowhere to sleep in her flat as she only has one bed for herlself and also when I am there she can be very volatile. I speak to her daily but for the past 2 weeks all I hear is about her flooding and now about the new neighbours who take long showers and how this is going to kill her. I am exhausted and dread those calls. Help. Please. Mainly looking for ways to distract her from the idea of selling and moving as she expects me to drop my life and job and go there and move her and settle her in (all at the expense of me being away from my life and work for months). I am not doing that.

OP posts:
scaredmuffins · 03/03/2025 18:50

My first port of call would be to tone down the communication. You don't need to talk on the phone everyday and you can say no to any (or all) of her demands

Holesintheground · 03/03/2025 18:50

It may be her current fixation but it'll probably burn itself through in time. I would keep saying 'but since they fixed it there's been no more flooding' and see if that sinks in.

Are you the person where she wanted you to come and stay but there wasn't a proper bed for you?
What's the deal with the inheritance? Was money left actually to you or to her?

I8toys · 04/03/2025 11:51

Are you sure she has capacity? Or does she have mental illness? She sounds irrational and confused in her thinking.

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 04/03/2025 11:56

Leave her to it. As a pp said, no need to talk all the time, a once or twice a week catch up is fine.

Eyesopenwideawake · 04/03/2025 11:58

Tell her the new place might get flooded as well or have dreadful neighbours; better to stay put where she knows everyone.

TorroFerney · 05/03/2025 16:12

Nod and smile , you don’t have to argue / rationalise it with her . There’s a whole legal process around selling a house, you’ll struggle these days without email/mobiles etc , can she complete paperwork?

just don’t get involved, treat her like a stranger on the bus who chats at you.

oh and stop speaking to her daily!!

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