Impulsive spending

[TellEmAboutTheHoneyMummy]

I have been trying to get my elderly parents to downsize from their five bedroom 3 storey house and move closer to me so I can pop in regularly and check on them. I should have been delighted when I heard they were going to move to my town. They are mid seventies with developing mobility problems so it would be great for them to move to town into a nice smaller property with a pretty garden.

However DM has chosen a 4 bed 3 storey new build house which has many flaws and is shoddily built but apparently "easy to care for". I know it has been on the market for three years whilst many others had sold because no one else wants it.

DM was in a combative mood and tearful and not listening to logic or advice. Everyone else in the family agrees the place is overpriced, not suitable for the age group with steep stairs, has flaws, and has been walked through by hundreds of customers (ex show home). Nasty cheap MDF place. She is furiously adamant she wants it. Will not settle for anything less.

I think it will be very difficult to sell when the time comes for them to downsize or go into a home.

They will have virtually nothing left over from the sale to live on. There is a 100-200k difference between where they are now and this house.

This decision has been made in a hurry because DM fell a few weeks ago and injured her back. The doctors have yet to give a diagnosis. She is feeling vulnerable and upset in the salesman's office. Of course, he is chivvying her along.

I am worried this is decision made from stress and will be regretted later.

DD hates the place. He can refuse to sign, but it will be impossible to live with my ranting DM if he does so.

I can't bear to watch this.

Assuming DD is dear Dad surely he has equal say?
Can you do a bit of Rightmove snooping and send them details of more suitable options?

You can refuse to do anything to facilitate the purchase. Have they sold their current home?

You've got to ignore the tears and state the facts. It will be a terrible investment and they will have no spare money for the future. Plus stairs are a no go with limited mobility which will only worsen over time.

Plus its all very quick and impulsive. I agree with looking for more appropriate properties for them. Try and get your dad on side.

Sorry for stating the obvious but planning a move at that age and after a nasty fall, surely if they are going to move it should be to a bungalow? Or at least a house with a full bathroom at ground floor level.

Intransigent DMs are impossible though, I've got an 82 year old one and have v similar issues. Their house, their life - but it's incredibly difficult to be a caring bystander.

I'm guessing an ex show home in a new development? So it probably looks very shiny and new on the surface? Has she been taken in by those appearances. Maybe in comparison with a current home with tired decor and more old-fashioned bathroom/kitchen?

What is there on the ground/entry-level floor which she might end up limited to if she can no longer manage stairs?

Could you show her some more suitable properties on Rightmove in a similar area? Trouble is, many bungalows may look tired if they've been lived in by previous elderly person so won't look as attractive?

Does she have any friends or siblings who have downsized into something more sensible who could have a word?

It seems very odd that your DM would have chosen somewhere with two flights of stairs. If it is the shiny new decor that appeals to her, can you research more suitable local new/modernised houses for her to consider?
It depends where you live whether a bungalow is a possibility. In my area they are rare and expensive, as well as usually dated.

It sounds like a ground floor flat would be better for them. They at least need a downstairs toilet. Can you look for something more suitable for them?

Horrific.

The fact that she's in tears about the whole situation could be a way in.

Could you go and see them and just be a bump on a log for a bit listening, and then just describe what you see? 'You've got tears in your eyes, dad looks sad, this is not the look of a decision you're happy about. I think you can do better.' Keep repeating that like water on stone. Be as difficult to get away from as the salesman.

I wouldn't try to jump ahead to other options yet. One stage at a time. The key thing is to unpick the current decision and get out if anything signed. Just say you'll help them look.

I could murder salesmen like this.

DD hates the place. He can refuse to sign

he needs to - ignore the tears
dealing with the fallout once they are stuck in this crap house is going to be so much worse for him her and you when you invariably have to sell the place.
it is short term pain for long term gain.

honestly he needs to dig in and if needed just lie and say the survey says there are major structural issues / subsidence whatever.
I’d forge one for her if needed.

i would also get involved in the search with your Dad and get onto local EAs with a clear brief on house type (preagreed with your DD & including your DMs wishes of course) if you are local you can scout them out and do first viewings to help.
it will help if you can show her some nice alternatives