Home Help Advice

[WholeLoadOfPalaver]

Hi, I've nc for this. Apologies if this is long but I need some advice.

My DGM's health has been declining for over a year now, both physically and mentally. I suspect she is in the early to mid stages of dementia and the care she needs now is completely unmanageable for us all but especially my DGD.
Over the past 6-8 weeks things are at rock bottom, she is sleeping on the sofa, doesnt eat but is ordering numerous delieverys of food and stuff from shopping channels, needs help to put a blanket over her and will lie and wet herself instead of telling someone she needs the toilet. We are having to battle to physically take her regularly. She is refusing intervention for her health and is letting her it deteriorate drastically until we have to forcefully call an ambulance for her, this has resulted in 2 admissions to hospital (she was admitted again last night).
This past week we have had discussions with her to say we need help, which she agreed she would talk to the district nurse about it. They came yesterday to change her bed sore dressings and my DGD said she lied to them and said there was nothing wrong with her and we were managing. Last night the paramedics came after he called them, took one look at her and took her straight in where triage said she has severe pneumonia.

We cant let this go on any longer and we can't manage on our own. I have a 6mo baby and am due back at work in 6 weeks, my DGD has COPD and my DM is about to be made homeless due to her LL selling.

What can we do when she's denying outside help?

Also just to add, the last time she was in hospital (beginning of jan) she told us that she had agreed for someone to come out to assess her home living. No-one ever did come out, apart from to drop off a commode and to drill holes in the bathroom wall for handles which were never installed. She hid all of the discharge paperwork, so i think this may have been another lie.

Speak to social services adult team.

Agree with recommendation to contact adult social services at your council. They were a godsend when my DGD was refusing help. They eventually helped us move him to a care home where he was very settled and happy.
Sorry you are going through this limbo period though - it is very stressful

Yes agree with PP - you need to get adult social care to do an assessment and put a care package in place for her. If she is in hospital at the moment make it clear to hospital staff that she needs a social care assessment before being discharged as she has lied to district nurse about her self care skills.

Thank you, I did call adult social care last summer when the issues were starting to take a toll but they said they needed her agreement to proceed and when she spoke to them she refused an assessment. That's the reason I haven't already rang them again incase the same thing happens but it's got to the point where it's too much for any of us and we all have additional things going on in our lives to be able to manage it.

Its at the point now where im stuggling to be able to visit anyways as she is doing dangerous things like secretly throws her medication on the floor and pretends to of taken it and leaving it for us to find. As my baby is becoming more mobile I'm quite scared to take her there incase she ends up picking any of these up. As I'm a lone parent which means soon I won't be able to visit at all or risk putting my baby's health at risk.

If she's in hospital you need to ring the ward and say that as a family you can no longer provide ANY care beyond a weekly visit for a chat, and that from your oerspective she us completely unsafe to be at home. Make sure you mention the incontinence and self neglect. Ask for her to be referred to a hospital social worker and ask tp speak to the occupational therapist too. Get an email address for one of them and follow it up witj an email confirming no more daily vists and personal care.

They should assess her mental capacity to decide on discharge destination and her current needs based on what people have to help her with in the hospital.

@PermanentTemporary so i should call the hospital with my concerns then rather than adult social care?

Our main concern right now is that she will try and prevent us seeking support or assessments and that she is, yet again, filling the hospital staff with lies and pushing the "it's have family at home to help" lines. She did this in her stay in January, hid her medication in drawers and told them she took them, said the IV was upsetting her stomach so she couldn't make it to the toilet in time even though she wasn't even trying to make the toilet (that's why they gave her a commode for home).

The hospital will have a social work team, ring the ward and ask them to put you in contact. You need to be very clear to them that she needs an assessment before any discharge is planned, use the term 'unsafe discharge'
Also make clear to the hospital social worker that she doesn't have the help she is stating. They see this all the time. She needs to be assessed for a care package. Don't let them fob you off and your grandfather needs to also state that he is not able to cope.

@Lightuptheroom thank you, that is very useful information. I'll give them a call in tomorrow and hopefully get the ball rolling.