Agggggghhhhhhh living with FIL

[Moominsmoo]

Need to VENT.
hes ALWAYS there. Ds asked when is he going? Several times. DH acknowledges he’s annoying but obviously it’s his father, so it’s less annoying for him than for me and DS
I don’t want to sit in my own living room because he’s there.
DH escapes because he’s at work all day, I’m not, I’m here. I’m the one booking and taking him to appointments. He and his sister are the ones that get any money. Mainly his sister who is a, rich anyway and b, not doing the dreary shit but may fly over and be all, laaahhhhhh I’m heere! ( and get FIL to pay for flights, and not economy either)
I was just finding a Way Back to me and a job now kids are older and lo! I get this every single day. I shouldn’t be irritated in my own home every single day.
im resentful because DH was a twat when my mum needed looking after.
help!

Tell DH and his sister they have until 31st March to get care put in place. From that date you will be invoicing them for your time

Did you agree with this? Have you got a job? If not, get one.

I'd run away and join the circus if I had to live with any of my in laws. And most of them are perfectly nice!

How has he come to be living with you and what was the agreement? Is it supposed to be short term or long term?

Thanks guys!
On a friends advice I’m keeping a timesheet. SIL likes to say we’ll get a carer..when he moves into his new house/ gets the money from selling his old house.
I have a job - unfortunately it’s up to me to organize it as it’s freelance, and I’m finding I get sidetracked and waste time as I’m procrastinating anyway as I find it hard to do, then just as I get going, FIL interrupts and that’s an hour gone and I’m back at the beginning.

In what way was your DH a twat when your mother needed to be looked after?

grannyaching ( I love pratchett) the idea was he lives with us to recover from illness and until his new house nearby is ready. It seems to have Got Stuck as he’d like to replace the carpet and has to move his belongings.
I think I have to get a removal firm and sod the flooring.

trolleysare good he was going through recovering from near death illness, redundancy, starting new job in different and difficult area, also young teens. My mum lived abroad and my single brother who doesn’t need to work took on the role of carer.
i felt massively awful as I wanted to be there, brother was resentful. DH couldn’t vpcope without me. The counselor I saw at the time said,’ you need to be with family and brother is single etc’, very difficult.

Has he got possession of his house yet ?
I’d prioritise throwing his cash at getting him into it ASAP regardless if it is perfect. If he has a toilet and a bed that’s good enough 😉

Thanks mum5net he has possession, we are just a bit strapped until the money from the other house comes in. DH is saying we can’t spend anything until then - not even for us. Just in case, as his wife’s care home bills are 5something a month.
I think everyone is thinking it can go on hold till then. I’m thinking I’ll get removal firm quotes tomorrow! Thanks
i cant do this much longer, DS and I are both hiding in our rooms and it feels to me like there is no cohesion or joy as a family. Or maybe that’s normal with. 17 yr old DS?

Please push your own agenda.
Definitely get the quotes and timescales sorted.
The care home can wait for their cash if it comes to it.
Prioritise getting him out for the sake of DS - who presumably has exams to consider - and obviously for your own sanity.
DS will start smiling again.

that is untenable. Push for your own agenda. To the extent that you and DS could, for eg, watch what you want on the TV and FIL can go in his room with DH?

Remind DH exactly what happened with your mum and tell him - 31st March all your support drops (your therapist was a twat as much as your DH in that scenario, IMO)

Get quotes for whatever needs doing, give your DH and his sister the best ones and say "are you going to organise this, or will i". And give a deadline.

Everyone will happily go on thinking it will go on because it really suits them. It's not fair on you.

OP, have you posted about this before? It sounds awful.

Give FIL a work schedule that he's not allowed to interrupt during.

Also, is he paying rent? It seems very unfair if he's not supporting the household but can pay for flights for SIL. Or at least he can agree he will give so much per month paid when the sale goes through.

Stop doing the appointments and bounce it onto your DH. At the moment he's being shielded from the inconvenience and you need to make everyone else's life less comfortable.

Also, his liking a new carpet doesn't trump you and your DS needing your space back.

@Moominsmoo How are things now?

have you come across carents? they have events where you can connect with other people looking after elderly parents, great to be able to vent with people in similar situations

Just stop doing anything for FIL and tell DH it's all on him from now. Whybare you being a doormat to this man?

Hello- sorry I didn’t realise I hadn’t replied, and I really appreciate your responses. Feeling a bit alone!
thanks for asking how things are mum5net

FIL has been getting moving quotes, but has come to a stop as it seems the firm will need to look round the house to give an accurate quote. FIL feels like he’s asked the neighbors for enough favours, and thinks he (and one of us) has to go (6 hour drive).(not funny when he reads out Every Sungle road sign!) DH swamped at work till 20th.

I think I’ll plead with the neighbors myself today.
As for me, I am spending every single day irritated. FIL isn’t a bad chap, but he is Always There.

my time sheets show me I’m spending average 15 hours a week taking him to appointments, helping him with emails and talking about feet or whatever. I’ve not included setting up lunches and snacks.

SIL having another drama - they always seem to involve being broke, DH will ask FIL for rent when other house money comes through.

DH doesn’t want to hear me grumble, and apparently the only reason I’m in the is position is because I haven’t got a successful business.
I now don’t want to talk to him.

@Moominsmoo could you go and meet the removals companies alone to get a day away from your entitled DH and ILs? Tell them you arranged for a neighbour to cover it, then just disappear that morning.

How rude, OP.
All power to you, though. Your DH probably has no idea how motivational he has been in you re-launching your business and taking it to next stage. I wouldn't want to be him. From the 21st he has landed a bigger share of house duties and 100% dealing with DF and 100% all the nonsense of SIL.

thank you! I needed a jolly post!
it is a good point though, hmm. You’ve just given me a burst of motivation !
sockfluff oh believe me I would, but it’s 6 hour drive stay in the empty house. I’ve done it as an escape before, once is enough!

Have you seen this thread? similar
There might be some ideas you can steal 😀

Same person, no?

I wasn't meaning that was you. Genuinely, there are thousands of people, all with their own sets of individual circumstances, broadly going through the same crap. Doesn't make it any easier but sometimes there is an absolute gem of an idea that comes up that you can steal!