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Elderly parents
Original poster

Is this normal for a care home - i dont feel like my gm is being looked after well

24 replies

Sunflowervase · 15/02/2025 17:24

My grandmother has been in a care home for the last year and tbh its been very basic care. She has dementia and is 87 very unsteady on her feet. Whats worrying me is that she is often naked when i go there she will be in bed wearing just a top or just a cardy and nothing else. I have complained about it and they moved her to a room further away from the front door so people coming in werent able to see her naked.

but today i went at about 2:30 she was in bed her room was dark she had a pj top on but no trousers or knickers - she obviously hadnt had a wash she smelled a bit she was cold because she had virtuslly nothing on apart from a duvet. She got up to go to the toilet and i found that her aid (the frame that goes round the toilet) had gone missing.

she has had quite a few falls going to the toilet and so its really important its there. She broke her pelvis 2 months ago falling going to the toilet.

i just felt really angry at it all - i cleaned her up and got her dressed and tried to complain to the staff but it was all agency staff so tbh they didnt even know who she was.

she was placed in this home by the council / social services and i was thinking of calling them monday but i just dont know of im just being really emotional and if rhis is standard for dementia - like if she takes of her clothes how long is it reasonable for them not to
notice .

she lived with me before going into the home but her needs just got too much and i just feel awful leaving her there.

OP posts:
saraclara · 15/02/2025 17:38

That's appalling.

You absolutely need to report this. I've had both my mum and my MIL in care homes and this is absolutely not what should ever happen.

Mum5net · 15/02/2025 17:45

In Scotland there is a meeting between social worker representative, family and care home rep after the first six weeks, and then thereafter an annual meeting which is minuted.
These are the formal meetings but you can always flag a concern direct with the care home team and meet with them much more regularly, albeit the social worker won’t be there. So I’d ask on Monday to have a meeting ASAP to include your DGM’s key worker and a manager

i would expect DGM to be washed and dressed in clean clothes by 11.00 am at latest, even if she is in her bed all day. She should also have had her breakfast.
My DM was a late bedder and had a bit of a sleep in, but mostly always dressed and breakfasted by 11. ( CH from 83-91 yrs)
Being cold, being undressed and being in view of others is unacceptable. This is neither safe nor is your DGM’s dignity being respected.
You have grounds for a very serious complaint but before you escalate give then a chance to explain how this happened and how it can’t happen again. As soon as you’ve had the meeting I’d drop an email or call the duty social work team at your DGM’s Council and tell them of your concern and how your meeting went and ask them if they could attend a follow up meeting with you and try to get a date in their diary ASAP.
Hugs to you. This is very disappointing and distressing

CaptainBeanThief · 15/02/2025 17:51

That's disgusting,
THE ONLY REASON, not to have bottoms on, if she was 100% bed bound but she should always have underwear on, be, clean,dry, warm and comfortable!!!
This is utterly disgusting.

When I worked in care, when we had 100% bedbound patients, who were on 2 hourly turns, who relied on incontinence pads, we'd often not put PJ's bottoms on HOWEVER, basic dignity and underwear is a must, to be clean, dry and comfortable is an absolute must and I would 100% complaining! It doesn't even sound like your GM is even bedbound either!!!

Original poster
Sunflowervase · 15/02/2025 18:04

Captain - no she is not bedbound she can walk with a walker but if no one gets her up she just sort of forgets.
today i said “shall we get dressed” and she just had no idea she was naked - she said “what do i normally put on” and she doesnt know where her clothes are or how to put them on anymore. So she really has to have people dress her.

OP posts:
yeesh · 15/02/2025 18:07

It’s not normal at all, please report it to SS and the care home inspectorate in your part of the UK

Holesintheground · 15/02/2025 18:07

No that's not right. My dad was always dressed in clean clothes when I visited and that wasn't at the same time of day or giving notice. Ask to make an appointment with the manager.

CaptainBeanThief · 15/02/2025 18:10

I would definitely be having a discussion with the manager.
This is not right. The managers and carers have a duty of care for each and every resident. They can't just leave her in bed all day and forget about her.
Can you and your family go in more to take make sure this gets actioned?
If she is mobile and no need for bed rest then her care needs stepping up. Obviously independence is always best but clearly in this situation she NEEDS personal care assistance and assistance to dress. It's disgusting and the way care homes are going it makes me happy to not be working in one.
I really hope you get this sorted.

BananaSpanner · 15/02/2025 18:14

No it’s not normal. They should be helping her get dressed and she sounds like she needs more support and supervision with her mobility.

There are occasions where a confused elderly person might remove clothing but that doesn’t sound like what’s happening here.

Spidey66 · 15/02/2025 18:14

Speak to the duty team at social services and ask to raise a Safeguarding Alert on the grounds of neglect.

vodkaredbullgirl · 15/02/2025 18:17

Not normal at all.

vdbfamily · 15/02/2025 18:20

I would definitely raise these issues. Having a morning routine where she is agitated to wash and dress will help her be as orientated as possible and having her frame around the toilet is crucial. If it is funded by Social Services, I would raise a safeguarding concern to them re her current care and take photos any t time you find her not dressed or without correct equipment

vdbfamily · 15/02/2025 18:20

Assisted,not agitated!

Original poster
Sunflowervase · 15/02/2025 18:27

Spidey66 · 15/02/2025 18:14

Speak to the duty team at social services and ask to raise a Safeguarding Alert on the grounds of neglect.

How do i do this? Would it just be calling the main line on monday? Sorry i have no idea of any of this!

OP posts:
wheretoyougonow · 15/02/2025 18:34

I completely agree - report it to safeguarding.

You can do this by calling their main number and explain you would like to raise a safeguarding and they should help you.

You should also be able to raise your concerns online. Go to the council website and search adult safeguarding.

Please make sure you tell them that you have raised the concerns with the home - they moved rooms but her care and dignity needs are still be unmet.

Glad she has a family member like you 💐

Bbq1 · 15/02/2025 18:35

That is disgusting, very sad and deeply unacceptable. Poor lady. You sound like a very loving gd, Op and you must advocate for your gm. Everybody in a ch department deserves just that, care with dignity and compassion. I know staff are overworked, often agency but there is no excuse to leave people in a state like that. In your position I would see/call the manager asap, consider contacting the QCC and if all else fails, move your gm to another home. I know from the brief time that my lovely dad needed care, there are home like institutions and then homes that are very caring with committed and warm staff. They are sadly fewer and further between but they are out there.

Maurepas · 15/02/2025 18:44

There was report on SKY about a week ago on care homes saying only about 3% of complaints were investigated and a horror story of a woman who had magots in her skin cancer plus bruisers.

LindorDoubleChoc · 15/02/2025 18:50

Of course it's normal!! Why are you even asking?

Post the name of the care home here. Mumsnet will be able to find out the name of the manager and all the other basic info you seem not to be able to assimilate.

dickdarstardlymuttley · 15/02/2025 19:20

I'm so sorry you are going through this. The Alzheimer's society may be able to offer you some advice and assistance:

Dementia support
Call: 0333 150 34566_
If you are affected by dementia, worried about a diagnosis or a carer, trained staff are ready to give you the support you need.
Opening hours: Mon to Weds: 9am – 8pm, Thurs and Fri: 9am – 5pm, Sat and Sun: 10am – 4pm

WellsAndThistles · 15/02/2025 19:29

Does she have plenty nightwear as they can ge through several sets a night due to incontinence?

Is she removing her own clothes after being incontinent and trying to tidy it up by hiding/binning her clothes?

If there is no obvious explanation the main contact (POA, NOK etc) should raise this with Social Work Department.

Final thought, do you visit regularly enough to know this isn't a one off incident? E.g were the staff in the middle of sorting her but got called away to a medical emergency etc.

Notaflippinclue · 15/02/2025 20:59

It may be that gm is incontinent and is removing her clothes because she isn't comfortable, regular checks in a short staffed care home are none existent because only the squeaky wheels will get the grease, I would stick a camera in there for a day or two to give you an idea what's going on, dementia, incontinence and mobility are tricky - good luck

Original poster
Sunflowervase · 15/02/2025 21:31

Wells - we visit every saturday and sometimes weekday evenings its def not a one off she is often naked and almost always in bed. I think she IS taking off her clothes because of accidents some of the time there were dirty clothes on the floor that stank today but they were virtually dry so they must have been there hours.

OP posts:
Spidey66 · 16/02/2025 00:13

@Sunflowervase sorry I was eating my dinner when I wrote that earlier (very bad habit!) but another poster has given advice. You need to go via the local council website to either complete a referral online or to get the number to speak to someone.

Also bringing it to the attention of the CQC may help, they act to inspect care homes

Spidey66 · 16/02/2025 00:16

Ok the CQC are recommending you go via the council website x

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