Parent with cognitive issues gifting large sums of money

[MCIdaughter]

I was unsure whether to post this here or on the Ethical Dilemmas section, WWYD or Money Matters...

My 82 year old mum (widow) was assessed as having Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI) back last autumn. She was referred after general decline including various falls and a notable head injury, increased confusion, difficulties managing her various medications and mild incontinence. A head scan after a major fall showed small vessel changes in the brain. The memory clinic assessment was an NHS one, various tests with a nurse initially and a few months after, a follow up with a psychiatrist. Psychiatrist diagnosed MCI and not dementia and said they'd see mum again in a year. They said MCI is often not not always a precursor to dementia.

The falls have continued and carers are visiting mum daily. She attends day centres a few times a week too. Sometimes she's very 'with it's and other times she's very much not. Mum has talked about moving up and assisted living set up or care home at some point but her views on this change day to day. Due to a combo of mum's cognitive and hearing issues, I've registered her financial enduring power of attorney with her bank to be able to help her manage her money. I've not registered the power of attorney with the office of the public guardian as Mum still has some capacity albeit I'm unsure how much she when I should register it. I know she'll lose the ability to deal with her affairs if I register it with the OPG. Since registering it with the bank I've discovered that two cheques each for £1000 have been paid out in the past few months. I checked with the bank who told me one was paid to someone I know is the leader of mum's church who is dealing with serious illness at the moment. It's been given in a personal capacity rather than a donation to the church (it's a small, independent church). The other was paid to someone I've discovered is the son of one of mum's friend - the son is getting married soon - a very generous wedding gift. Mum is not wealthy and a sign of that is that she gets Pension Credit. And she is likely facing care home costs in future, in addition to paying towards the care she's currently receiving.

What would you do? Mum hasn't told me about these payments. I've only seen them due to having access to the bank account. I feel it's not acceptable for these people to take these sums of money from an elderly person with known cognitive issues. I've no issue with Mum giving an appropriate wedding gift or a token to help an unwell friend but the amounts seem over the top and ill-judged.

It sounds like registering the EPA might be a good idea. You will need her consent to do that, or at least you have to let her know you are doing it. It doesn’t make much practical difference to what you can do, but as you say it would prevent her getting in a mess by blocking her access.

In terms of knowing whether you are at that stage, can you gently raise the issue of the cheques with your Mum? She presumably knows you have access to her bank account? I think seeing if she can remember the cheques and who she wrote them to (and why) would help you get a sense of how she is with this kind of decision making.

Take it gently as she may not want to admit to any confusion, and may be quite frightened if she realises she can’t recall details properly.

Maybe then talk about protecting her from scams and how if you need to counter sign things that gives her an extra layer of protection.

You could then perhaps get her a prepaid card for personal spending.

If she won’t go along with it (my Mum was incredibly stubborn, and also very good at masking and hiding how confused she was) you may have to resort to hiding the chequebook (if possible, remove it from the house).

Did the bank offer any advice? They have a role here as she would be classed as a vulnerable adult. See if they can put extra checks in place for if she tries to move money.

I would take the cheque book away and also complete a change of address form at the Post Office. This way you will see all her finance and bills. When I did this for my stepfather, I found insurance and subscription bills that he did not need to be paying.

Register the PoA with the utility companies so that you can speak on her behalf. They only usually need a photo copy.

I hadn't thought about a Post Office change of address. Can I do that with the power of attorney you mean? Thanks

The bank have added a note to her account so it gets extra monitoring. She has a chip and PIN only debit card which is safer than contactless if lost so that's a positive.