Is this normal for a care home?

[AInightingale]

Just wondering as this is our only lengthy experience of a care home (though my mum was in a smaller home as a stopgap and it didn't seem quite so bad).

• a man leaning out of his window shouting 'can you get me out of here' down at me as I arrived
• a woman grabbing my hand as I waited for the lift, then starting to cry about something
• another woman crying and saying she was going to contact the police about something
• two old men asking me 'how to get out of here'
• a woman asking for water repeatedly in the lounge, and not getting it.
• a woman yelling at a (male) CA to 'get away from me'.

It's fairly typical in that they're short staffed, it's a pretty big home, and most of the residents have dementia, so they're going to experience agitation and confusion, but is this kind of thing part and parcel of everyday life in these places?

Sounds normal to me.
My dad was in a care home on the dementia floor. I don't think there is anything in your list that I haven't heard before!

With dementia residents yes it can be normal. There was a resident at my Nan's home who kept hanging around the door as you came in saying she needed to get the bus home. We kept telling her it was raining and to wait for it to dry before going anywhere but she'd be back hanging around within a couple of minutes.

Oh yes the infamous waiting for the 'bus'. In my mum's place there are quite a few women sitting round in coats and jackets all day long!

I have to say no. My aunt was admitted to residential care, lots of dementia patients. Never anything like you describe.
I suppose it varies in severity, my aunt and the other residents would chat (utter nonsense) watch tv and eat.

Yes it's normal.

They're not short-staffed. They're over-cliented. They've taken on more clients than they can cope with the amount of staff they have - which is illegal. I'd be quite concerned about that.

Thx. It's hard to witness to be honest - but people with dementia are often distressed and disorientated, and most do want to 'go home'. The home has very good inspection reports and reviews, and most of the residents seem settled. And yet again there are horrific accounts of badly run homes and institutions with appalling cultures of neglect and abuse.

The asking for water is a little worrying. But they might ask all day long and be given it regularly.

Fairly normal, but depends on whether it is all happening all at once , how the staff are handling it and whether it is the same people all of the time. With Dementia care it is more about patterns than one-offs, so you are right to notice and keep an eye on it.

In terms of water, there is usually a jug or equivalent nearby so they can track how much a person is drinking throughout the day. It is easy to overlook though if you have staff off sick, so always worth asking someone as you pass by.

I'd be concerned about the water and the window (it shouldn't be possible to open it enough to lean out). And possibly about not wanting the male care assistant near her - but there are many possible reasons for that, most benign.

All the wanting to go home stuff is normal.

A neighbor with dementia stands at his gated front door asking for help regularly…he has carers in at least 4x day plus whoever is living with him. He is well dressed, clean and a healthy weight. Probably wants help to unlock the door to go wandering (he has form which is why there is a gate). Dementia is an absolute bugger

None of the individual things sound that unusual (we used to visit a care home regularly, gosh maybe 20 years ago now?).
Was it all of them on a single visit?

my late fil had dementia and was in a care home for 3 years. He often had to move room as he disturbed the other residents especially as he was awake at night and asleep in the day. I suppose perhaps this is something to do with dementia as he was never like it before.
His shouting was so bad one night a resident nearby rang the police as they thought he was being harmed or attacked. the police turned up at the home to check on him just to satisfy themselves it was a dementia patient making all the noise.
when we used to visit usually he slept through our visits, the staff used to check that we should visit at night!

Not all within the same visit thankfully, or I would really be wondering!

I visit twice a week atm and they are just things I've observed during the past month or so.

The lack of easy access to water is the one that bothers me actually, all the bloody cups and glasses are locked away and there are no watercoolers etc. I bought paper cups for my mum's room so I could fetch her water from the kitchen.

Each individual incident not in itself, but yes I'd be looking at their overall approach. Dementia isn't always like this either. Tbh it sounds as if they may have had a run of deaths and a lot of newer residents with more energy and more unsettled.

The thing I'd be watching is have the staff just stopped trying to manage this kind of distress at all? A lot of people with dementia can be distracted from patterns like this which otherwise will go on for long periods. Not good.

Care homes really do vary a lot and sometimes it's hard to put your finger on what is good and bad, but in my most recent rounds looking for a new home for my mum there was one that I stumbled out of mentally swearing she'd go there over my dead body. It was a purpose built one with nice spaces but it was a literal hellhole. Quite visibly they had staff who were on the verge of a breakdown. It's really really tough work and staff need such careful support imo.

Both my parents ended up in care homes. They arent great places and no one wants to be in one. The dementia residents would grow and grow. When Mum was in hospital the ward was full of older women just screaming and shouting all day. One tiny women was brought in kicking and screaming. She wasnt safe around the other patients and was put beside my parent. She threatened to push Mum out of bed (who had a broken hip).

I raised merry hell and firstly asked for this women to be moved (or Mum). Neither party were safe. They refused claiming their dementia ward was completely full but in the end the women did move somewhere. I asked the Sister if it was her Mother would she be happy with the situation. I suspect that is what got the situation resolved.

There was one women at Fathers care home who would rush the front door when I arrived saying she was just leaving. Sometimes I was the only one there to stop her from leaving (bar the care home cat!).

People do wander into each other's room and often pinch their stuff too. I learnt to ensure that Dad had no money in his room. I learnt the hard way and its sad that of all things that were stolen from Dad it was always money.