Beside myself with it all

[istheheatingonyet]

Hoping to get some clarity if I write this out. My own parents promised me 200 k but my sibling had other ideas. A lot of it was eaten up by care home fees and he was willed the family home. This was a couple of years ago.
I have been putting the work in to come to terms with this.
Now my husband's father aged mid 90's is struggling. The same conversations, care homes, money, stress, traveling back and forth. I seriously don't know how much more I can take.

That does sound really stressful. As it's your dh aren't this time, could you take a step back and let him sort it? To give you some breathing space?

It's cumulative isn't it? After the long twilight of my mum's declining years (she's still just about alive) I feel even less able to cope with the imminent decline of my FIL or dp's parents. I'd just say, for now only deal with what is an actual problem today. Is your dh unloading on you a lot? I do think that's part of a relationship but maybe you can take breaks?

Hmm … I can see if sibling A is left the house and sibling B the money, then B has a bad deal as all care will come out of their share.

Assume you’re not going to get anything from FIL and extract yourself from the conversations

Im finding it's poking at old stuff. Thanks

@PermanentTemporary Thank You. That is so helpful to me, yes its cumulative. I must have had about 15 years of worry with my own, then financial shenanigans, now this.

@MereDintofPandiculation I don't think I exprssed myself well. My sibling was left property which could not be touched to pay care home fees.

The current situation is poking at these old wounds, I suppose.

Its a very tricky time.

That's what I was meaning. A gets the property, all the care comes out of the money, so B pays for all the care in effect. Yes, its difficult to rise above these things. An inheritance is interpreted as "love" so even if parents meant the shares to be equal, the relationship with sibling won't survive. And if parents knew the shares were unequal, no matter how good their reasons, it's hard to come to terms with.

My parent did not mean the shares to be equal. It's horrible.

It sounds like you've been through a really tough and unfair situation with your own family, and now you're facing a similar challenge with your husband's father. Dealing with inheritance disappointments, family conflicts, and the emotional and financial strain of elder care is exhausting. It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed—especially when it feels like history is repeating itself. Be kind to yourself, and don’t hesitate to set boundaries where you need to. You’re carrying a lot, and it’s okay to acknowledge that.