My dad and his final plans

[shellyleppard]

Sorry if this upsets anyone. My dad is 80, fit as the proverbial fiddle. He's had a lot of health issues the past couple of years. Recently had a mild stroke before Christmas. Now he's making his final plans. Has asked his doctor for a do not resuscitate order. Decluttering his house, getting rid of stuff he doesn't use anymore. On the one hand I'm screaming don't go its too soon. On the other I'm so proud of him for being organised and "getting ready". I don't know where I'm going with this. Hugs to all who have loved ones that are ill x

A friend of mine is sadly dealing with the contents of her mother's house after her death. Unfortunately after her father died 16 years ago none of his belongings were touched, so they have double the stuff to sort through - 4 bedrooms, a full loft and several outbuildings packed to the rafters. They are at the point of hiring skips now to get rid and the emotional burden (never mind the purely physical one) is overwhelming for all the family.

Having dealt with my mum's minimal estate last year I am grateful she began the process of streamlining over the last several years. And I plan on doing the same for my own stuff so as not to leave such a burden on my dc.

My PILs lived in their house for 55 years and the amount of stuff they have is unbelievable. FIL is now in a care home and MIL is in sheltered housing and the burden of clearing the house has fallen on DH even though it's 200 miles away. Opening another packed cupboard is soul destroying.

We moved two years ago and had a big clear out so at least our kids won't have to do this for us.

A 'do not resuscitate' order is common sense at his age. He's obviously a man who goes against the grain and is taking sensible small steps to prepare for this next stage in his life, which as lots have pointed out may be another 20 years.
LPAs are very sensible and passing them on to his doctor etc.
The idea of declutting items he doesn't use seems incredibly sensible and considerate.
Having cleared out two large family homes, it's a mammoth task, took my family and I over 2 years, and it's very taxing mentally & emotionally.
If he can lessen that burden then that's very kind of him.

I know you're thinking this is all leading up to the unimaginable, but there's often many stages in-between.
In my families case there were a few years of one of us popping over to stay for the weekend most weekends, then living at home with them, then visiting carers, then living in carers, then a move to a care home.
An organised, clean, comfortable home to accommodate all these extra overnight guests will be much appreciated. A person's environment can have a huge effect on their health and well being, we had to juggle furniture, bedrooms, bathrooms, the kitchen to make everything easier for my parents and their carers to move around in. The less amount of useless clutter in the way the better.
It will make it easier for him to stay at home as long as he'd like

It won't make him die any earlier (my Mum organised her will & LPA etc many years before she fell off her perch).

Check what he's doing - where it affects you ofc, if it doesn't, eh, who cares - is sensible.

On personal matters - get the old family photos out and your phone and video him pointing and people and saying who they are. Really quick. But be sure to back up the video to the cloud and send copies to other relatives.

@MysterOfwomanY You never met my father! He could make two photographs last an hour. I tried helping him write his Christmas cards, we got 6 done in 3 hours - there were still another 24 to go.

Your father sounds very sensible.

I'm presently cleaning out my father in laws house. Him and his missus had 30 years worth of stuff, never been cleaned or cleared away. It's been 6 months and we're still cleaning the house out.

I promised myself that when I get to 65 ( hopefully, whilst im still able to) , I will start cleaning things out and not leave it for the next generation to have to go through the trauma.