My DF probably won't last the night

[WeeOrcadian]

I'm just looking for a hand hold if that's ok

DF is in end-stage heart failure, has pneumonia and probably won't see the morning

We're not particularly close but I'm devastated

He's fighting it, like the stubborn old goat he is. He's got a syringe driver and lovely district nurses but I can't even be with him right now as DH is away and I have no other childcare. DC aren't old enough to be left at home.

I've been tidying up but now I've sat down, my mind is racing and I feel horrible for not being with him.

I've left SM with my brother

I don't know why I've posted this, I just needed to vent, maybe, get it all out somewhere

Sorry to hear this. Vent away. Please don't feel bad for not being with him right now - not sure what else you could do if your kids are young and you're the only one home for them.

I'm so sorry.

Darling - it's not your fault that you can't be there.
Thinking of you x

Thank you

He's still with us, though his breathing is getting more difficult.

I honestly thought that I'd be too late to be with him at the end. He always did things in his own time though.

I'm just hoping I don't scare anyone now, I snuck in with the spare key and both DB and SM are asleep, I'm just sat with DF now.

I'm glad you got to see him one last time. How did you manage for childcare? I really hope he has a peaceful passing and that you are okay afterwards 💐

I’m glad you’re able to be with your DF this morning. I hope that all of you are able to support each other through this. Sending love to you and your DF.

Is he still with you? Keep talking to him, it’s the last sense to go.

If he’s breathing noisily, it’s worse for you than him. Don’t let it worry you.

Thank you for all your kind words

I managed to leave DC with my best friend, she's been an absolute GODSEND since Friday. She fed, exercised and hugged my DC and I cannot thank her enough. I'm planning some 'thank you' bags for her and her own DC

DF is still here. Stubborn old chuff. He's been seen by various nurses today and we're a step away from getting an intensive nurse, they just don't have any spare people right now, which I understand.

We're all home now and hoping for more sleep than last night.

I'm at the point now where I just hope he isn't in pain, his breathing is awful, though he's on a cocktail so I don't think he feels much.

I'm planning on dropping DC at school then heading straight over to him.

Thank you all, so much, for everything and for allowing me a space to get all this out of my head 💖

Can I fetch you a virtual cup of tea?

It's a strange, strange time. An hour literally becomes a lifetime.

Thinking of you lovely, please feel free to vent here anytime. I was in a similar position a few years ago with my mum. It helps just to share, sending lots of love and hugs xx

A virtual handhold for you

Don’t worry about the breathing, hold his hand, talk to him about anything, so he hears your voice rather than understands what you’re saying.

It must be so hard for you.

Thinking of you all 🌺

The syringe driver is hopefully keeping him very comfortable. It’s so hard to listen to the breathing (I was sitting where you are 2 months ago due to the same issue for DF). I found it very hard listening to him in the last 24 hours but he seemed calm and at peace, would occasionally turn his head towards me when I spoke despite being asleep, so I do think the syringe driver helps to help them comfortable. Keep talking to him if you can.

I hope you get some sleep tonight and your DF is comfortable. Here to chat when you want to.

Thank you all again for your kind words, they've helped me though

DF is gone. His breathing had changed a lot but he started taking really small, gaspy breaths, and I knew something was different.

My brother had popped out so I had to call him to come straight back.
DH spoke to DF this morning, despite a huge time difference, and I think that helped. A friend has suggested maybe Dad was holding on for something or someone. I like to think it was DH that helped him move on as they would have LOOOONG chats about everything and nothing

Now the hard part I suppose

Thank you all so much ❣️

I'm so sorry for your loss

Sorry for your loss.