Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Elderly parents

Flip

Original poster

Need info on care home finances

19 replies

daydreamer45 · 21/01/2025 11:50

Hi all, care for my Mum is getting increasingly hard due to Parkinson's and dementia. Their house set up isn't working and our OT doesn't think a stair lift will be suitable given Mum's mobility so it looks like we need to look at care homes. Can anyone please advise where we can go for info on funding? I have called a couple but they only accept single people with a house to sell. My parents own their house and have a little bit of savings. Will they take only my Mum's half of the house & half of the joint savings into account? Dad has around £20k in an account in his name only, They have a small ISA each to pay for funerals and maybe £10k in savings and current combined. Will they take Mum's half of the house in trust? What happens if the money runs out? Mum only has a small state pension (part time work when young so no full NI paid). Dad is stressing about "all the money going to waste" where I think it needs spending on good care but am obviously cautious about Dad also needing care in the future and I'm struggling to find out the correct info. All help appreciated.

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 21/01/2025 11:51

Look on age uk website then arrange a call with them for speak face to face with local age uk advisor

endofthelinefinally · 21/01/2025 11:52

Get in touch with Age UK. They will tell you everything you need to know. It is extremely complicated so very worth while. Remember to ask about power of attorney as well as carer's assessments .

PokerFriedDips · 21/01/2025 11:53

Do they own their house as joint tenants or tenants in common? This will make a difference.

countrygirl99 · 21/01/2025 12:04

They won't take the house while your dad lives there. If he needs to move into care then how the asset is split will depend on ownership. As others have said Age UK can often help (though services do vary by area).

hatgirl · 21/01/2025 12:11

Are they planning to move into one together? (not unheard of but very tricky) I'm not clear from your post.

If just your mum is moving then it doesn't sound like she is a self funder so you need to go via the local authority.

It sounds like the care homes have tried to explain this when you have visited - that they can't take your mum on a private basis if she doesn't have the funds and the placement would have to be arranged by adult social care.

I'm surprised the OT didn't ask if they wanted a referral for a social work assessment when they advised a stairlift wasn't going to work?

NoBinturongsHereMate · 21/01/2025 12:33

The house only forms part of the calculations if they both move out.

Joint savings are split 50:50, all savings in her name are counted. The ISA will be included. Savings in your dad's name are not counted.

You need a local authority assessment.

olderbutwiser · 21/01/2025 12:36

Normally in your parents situation

social services would assess your mum and if they agree she needs residential care they would arrange a home for her, which would be funded by the council.
your father would stay at their shared home

There is a lot of nuance though - is your mum receiving any carer visits already? She may not be deemed to need residential care; social services will offer up to 4 visits a day, and in some cases a live-in carer.

You definitely need to talk to social services as well as getting advice from Age UK or similar.

Original poster

daydreamer45 · 21/01/2025 12:50

Thank you all - the Age Concern website is really good, just done their calculator and Mum would be under the limit from a savings perspective. My Dad had a friend whose wife had dementia and he has had to do some sort of deal that her costs will eventually come out of the sale of his house - would that be because he chose for her to be in a particular home rather than going through the assessments? Btw, I am not against all their cash/worldly goods going towards care but I would like to know what is and isn't possible. Dad wouldn't be moving, he wants to stay at home for as long as possible but it might be on the cards someday. Also, house is jointly owned. No carers currently visiting. We were told that if Mum had carers in then she would need a hospital bed downstairs but she can still get around on good days, it's the stairs which are the problem. There is also no toilet or shower downstairs and no room to create one. Currently talking to the team about whether a stairlift can be used, Mum's dementia is getting worse and she can't follow instructions on "bad" days plus has awful shakes from the Parkinson's so may not be safe on a stairlift. Apologies for rambling, just trying to get all the info out!!

OP posts:

mitogoshigg · 21/01/2025 13:10

Do check to see if they own as joint tenants or tenants in common as it does make a difference sometimes.

Urgently request a social services assessment, if deemed necessary they can fully fund care in this situation, also nhs continuing care is a possibility at some stage. Crucially even if not at the point yet she'll be in the system.

viralviv · 21/01/2025 13:27

PokerFriedDips · 21/01/2025 11:53

Do they own their house as joint tenants or tenants in common? This will make a difference.

This. If tenants in common, your dad's share is protected

MereDintofPandiculation · 21/01/2025 19:44

My Dad had a friend whose wife had dementia and he has had to do some sort of deal that her costs will eventually come out of the sale of his house - would that be because he chose for her to be in a particular home rather than going through the assessments? Hopefully yes, because the rules say that if a spouse still lives in the house, it is completely disregarded.

pecanpie101 · 21/01/2025 20:24

Has your mum had a care need assessment with adult social care?
This is the first step as sounds like her care will be funded by the council.
A social worker will help with nursing home placement if they feel that is what she needs.

Original poster

daydreamer45 · 27/01/2025 16:06

It looks the stair lift is totally out of the equation now and they have started to say that Mum may have to have a downstairs hospital bed, commode and carers before the local authority would consider a care home for her. I know this is just what happens but my Dad has said he won't allow it. I'm really worried about what will happen to Mum if he tries to care for her upstairs by himself.All advice is welcome.

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 27/01/2025 16:18

Fine then.

If your dad wants her to risk falling every day going up down so be it.

At some point your mum will have a fall and decisions will be taken away.

Niw she could fall and break her neck and be disabled the rest of her life.

Or just minor.

All you can do is set out the risks to your dad.
Does he want to be responsible for her future fall /disabilities/death or take action to prevent and minimise?

My relative eventually fell and damaged vertebrae then fellagain in hospital and broke hip. Now unable to walk and in care home. (Could not cooperate for physio) It was inevitable.

cestlavielife · 27/01/2025 16:20

Maybe they both prefer her to fall and die quickly at home? But point out it might not work out so simply. More likely painful fall and disabilities

hatgirl · 27/01/2025 19:15

Usually there would need to be care needs through the night as well (or a high falls risk if someone lives alone) before the local authority feels the balance tips towards a care home.

If she's not safe on the stairs then they may have to pick a floor for her to be on. Give your dad time though, lots of people say an instant no to the idea of a hospital bed downstairs but often they come around.

Mum5net · 27/01/2025 19:27

Two things to add here.
DMiL was insistent she not leave her home. She was contained upstairs with tiny bathroo ( bath no shower) and used one bedroom as her bedroom and the other as a sitting area, with 2nd bedroom furniture removed to garage.
Carers x 4 times a day and 2 x SiLs provided every meal for her.
This arrangement lasted 18 months until she fell and they managed to get her in to an Ambulance then A&E then care home.

Five years previously, my DF was released from hospital to an empty house but was warned within an inch of his life to stay downstairs and not go upstairs. On Day 4 he was found in a coma at the bottom of the stairs after a very nasty accident. he died shortly afterwards.

thricewiser · 28/01/2025 11:11

I found this extremely helpful and insightful.

https://carents.co.uk/money-legal / https://carents.co.uk/legal-matters/care-fees-funding/

It's a bit of an overview but I felt a bit more across everything once finding it.

HoraceGoesBonkers · 28/01/2025 12:40

My DM didn't want a ramp in the garden until my Dad had a bad fall which set off a whole chain reaction of disasters (lengthy wait for hospital, covid, not being able to be rehabilitated after the fall, mental decline after spending weeks and weeks in hospital).

She at one point was moaning about not wanting a hospital bed downstairs because she'd lose the use of her dining room; when DF couldn't return home without one it got installed but to be honest they should have had one earlier to save him struggling.

She didn't want him to go into a care home but also didn't want to change the house to cater for someone with a degenerative illness either.

It sounds like she's on a pathway to a care home and what you've been offered now sounds reasonable to allow her to stay at home for longer.

What is it about what the OT has suggested that your DF objects to?

Can you sit down with him and explain the parameters and ask him to think about the future and how they can adapt? I tried this a couple of times and it fell on deaf ears (you "can't plan for old age") so it unfortunately meant things changing only as the result of crises.

Flip