Getting elderly relative to hospital appointments - how?

[CrazyHorse]

DM is at the stage where she is fine living independently at home, can nip to the shop on her mobility scooter etc, but finding her way to hospital appointments is too much now. She refuses to take taxis and had trouble walking and probably wouldn't be able to fine the right department in the hospital if she hasn't been there before. She really needs to be escorted, especially when the weather is so cold. DSis isn't working the day of the next appointment, so will drive two hours each way to help. This isn't sustainable long term. What do other people do?

The community transport service DM uses always wait whilst the appointment is taking place, so I assume they would help with walking someone to the actual department if necessary.

Everyone employed now has the right to a week's carers' leave per year. But it is unpaid.

Could be worth looking into? It is unpaid at my work (some employers do an enhanced policy) but can be taken in hours which makes it more flexible.

One of the local home care providers does escort and transport for medical appointments, I've never used it but I've seen it listed as a service on the side of their vehicles. I've just looked in my local area and there are a few care agencies that offer the service although in some cases you have to dig a bit on their websites to find it.

MIL couldn't use the bus, didn't want the cost of a taxi, didn't want to book community transport and didn't want the inconvenience of patient transport. Some choices are tough but this was hers to make, her preferred option was family but I wouldn't do it as I couldn't take half a day off from looking after my mother (my choice). I found her the phone numbers for all of them and left her to get on with it (she chose patient transport).

We were finding it difficult to cover all MIL appointments and she now has a weekly companion care slot with a local agency. The carer has a car so they can go out for trips to places she can't access now she's had to stop driving. The idea is that it will then be relatively easy to add extra sessions for hospital appointments as needed.

It is not cheap but much cheaper than being in a home.

She has fought us every step of the way and there were some really difficult arguments, but we got there eventually. We framed it as putting the support in place early so it will be there when she needs it. We also had to guilt trip her a bit about how much the family is doing and how hard it is for those who are working full time.

The thing is, the demands are only likely to increase as they get older, so it's really important they plan ahead for when they are a bit frailer than they are now. But that is so hard for many to face up to.

If you live rurally, there is likely to be a 'friends of' organisation in your village / area. We have a group of volunteers who will take and accompany people to hospital visits. Get on your local FB page, Nextdoor etc and ask if there's one in your area. Check your Parish magazine and church noticeboard too.

The only reason, think, DM won't use a taxi is because she thinks it's a waste of money- probably growing up in London as a child in a family without money to spend on such luxuries. She considers taxis to be for other people. She'd be more likely to try to ride a bicycle to the hospital than agree to take a taxi. She did take an Uber to try it out once, after I made her download the app. Apparently it was fine, but no need to take one again.

I'm would really like her to have regular visits from Home Instead, who could then take her to appointments. I've been trying to persuade her for a few years to Have Home Instead in anticipation of being in this situation but she absolutely refuses. Money isn't an issue at all, but her refusal to accept help is. One of my siblings tells me DM can just be ill and have a dirty home if she refuses help. I've said that won't happen because I'll muddle through.

@CrazyHorse have you sat your mum down and said that to stay at home independently for as long as possible she has to start accepting help. That you and your siblings will do what you can but she needs a bigger support network to stay well (by attending appointments)

I’ve said that won’t happen as I’ll muddle through

Op, what this means is that you will do all the appointments until you crumble/ have to leave work/ get ill yourself whatever.
It sounds like, while some appointments may need to be accompanied, some she could manage by taxi. For those latter ones, you need to drop the rope, and let her either pay for a taxi, or a care service. My experience is with my own dad and my MIL, both of whom developed very selfish / self centred views as they aged.Its not uncommon, but it’s hard to navigate without defining firm boundaries.
Taxis where possible wears very much one of mine.

No I haven't sat her down and said this. Thank you for suggesting it, as I really don't ever want her to go into a home, for various reasons, although my siblings would be quite happy if she did.

yes to this and also - spell out in £££ how much the time off work costs YOU to take her

Where I live and where my remotely aunt lives there are local volunteer run transport services. They take people to the hospital, wait with them, then take them home. You only pay a few pence per mile. My aunt and her most regular driver are good friends now! He really looks out for her and makes sure she's okay.

There's a volunteer driver service where mum lives but she has thoroughly blotted her copy book with them by not being in (when we've managed to remind her shortly before the appointment) or refusing to go (when we haven't managed to remind her so sge forgets to be out). We have now arranged a carer to take her to dressing change/blood test/ injection appointments. If it's a consultation/meds review one of us needs to be there to provide the correct answers to any questions like "do you smoke/drink/take any meds/fall" and remember any information/advice imparted (which will be ignored anyway).

@HappyHolidai we have used Driving Miss Daisy for my FIL. They did an outstanding job moving him from one care home to another. V professional and thoughtful of his individual needs. They have also taken him to a hospital appointment when we were unable to, they accompanied him, waiting with him, took notes for us and settled him home afterwards. Not a free service, but absolutely brilliant if there is a branch in your area