Handhold. Difficult mum has pneumonia and is delirious.

[Nightmarewithdelirium]

I'm finding it really hard.
I love her very much but we've always had a difficult relationship. She has what I think is a shopping addiction and some hoarding issues. She's been quite de skilled with money as well, due to my dad dealing with her addictions by simply managing (or attempting to, things got out of hand near the end of his life) all finances. So after his death she has struggled to cope on top of her addiction she has no real sense of the value of money or what actually needs to be budgeted for.
My mum has MS and scholeriosis.
She has some narcissistic traits and will not easily take advice. She can be quite hostile and think the worst of everyone even when well.
We have had massive issues over the last few years since my dad's death.. with setting my mum up in a situation where she is relatively safe. She has quite unrealistic expectations and will not listen to advice. Sp it was hard to get her to accept her current living situation, even though she is in a lovely two bed private rental. Its all one level and was easy for her to cope with.. but she was constantly talking about buying a house and looking at massive victorian houses she cant afford and wouldnt be able to survive in.
We do not have POA or anything like that.. and previous to this illness has mental capacity despite making very bad decisions.
I am her only child. She does have a few relatives but no one she is close with or who even know she is in hospital.
Whilst she has been in hospital with pneumonia she has become more confused and unreasonable.
She is talking about getting rid of her flat and going to Mexico...
What I'm worried about is that she has enough about her to be using her phone.. she has been calling me and sending messages constantly. To the effect she wants to cancel all her bills, cancel paying her rent, get her furniture removed from her flat.
As her daughter I can clearly see she is very confused and not her usual self but she can come across quite together on the phone
I'm very worried she's going to actually do these things and leave herself homeless.
Is there anything I can do?
Talking to her does not work.

To clarify she does not have the income to go to Mexico nor the physical strength. She is in an electric wheelchair. So this isn't a realistic plan I'm trying to thwart or anything like that.
She's very ill. On IV antibiotics and oxygen.
They had to sedate her yesterday as she was calling them liars and demanding to leave the hospital.

Infections often cause confusion in elderly people, (particularly UTIs, but any infection can do this) so she is more vulnerable now. How long has she been in hospital ?

Just a few nights so far. I'm hoping as she gets better her mental state will improve.. but I am worried she will maintain these ideas. I haven't challenged her at all on any of it. Just said 'mm ok' Not really sure what to do as she has parts of the day where she sounds lucid.. but she is still saying these things about giving up her flat

She's 67 so not that elderly but I felt this was the best place to post.

Oh I see, she’s a bit young to have confusion triggered by the infection, but if she’s very unwell then it can happen. Could this be more of a mental health issue ? It sounds very stressful for you OP, I’m sorry.

It's more that her natural personality is being amplified.
She is definitely also quite confused.
They asked me if she were an alcoholic! (She definitely isnt) but I think they were thinking about delirium caused by withdrawal.
So she is obviously coming across as confused to staff.
The nurse said that she is very lucid at points. But then gets very confused and angry.
My concern is about her making herself homeless... because even when she's sounding lucid and knows where she is and who everybody is, she's talking about how she's going to get rid of her flat.

Really scary for you. At the moment she is at least partly protected by being in hospital.

I think I would arrange to meet with her consultant and discuss the confusion and their view of it, if they think it might get better etc, in hospital. I'd imagine they will say they can't tell when it will improve.

I think it would be very reasonable then to write to her landlord and say that her consultant has reported that she may take some time to get back her capacity for big decisions, and if she asks to give notice, could they please ask her if they can also get in touch with you.

Even if they won't do this, or even if they will but your mum won't give permission, it alerts the landlord to the fact that there's an issue.

I would also contact the landlord about the situation.

Hopefully she hasn’t got the money to book a flight to Mexico or accommodation?

Perhaos ask the hospital nurses for advice? They may have some ideas to circumvent all this.

She has all her bank cards and her phone with her.. so I do worry she will try and do things like that.
I think i will try and contact her landlady to head that off.

I would contact the landlord too and explain she has been unwell and it's given her confusion and could they alert you

Well you could take her purse home with you to keep it safe whilst she's in hospital. Or at least take the cards with you?

Ultimately though it sounds as though your mum has significant mh needs - maybe more so than you realise. If there's any opportunity whilst shes in hospital to get a psychiatrist to assess her, jump on it (you could try asking for an assessment). Without a poa you cannot be responsible for her so, once the crisis is past, you may have to step back and let her get on with it. Remember if she renders herself homeless then you don't have to have her move in with you.