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Elderly parents
Original poster

Parents Communication in an Emergency

26 replies

Thesquaregiraffe · 04/01/2025 20:32

I was wondering if anyone has experience with using Alexa in cases of emergency with elderly relatives/parents?

At Christmas, when visiting my parents (who I am so lucky to still have) it became apparent that my dad had had a funny turn and then fell, when my mum went to try and help she also fell, which then meant both were completely helpless. The phone (landline but mobile style) was on the dining table which neither of them could get to. They managed to get the attention of their neighbours by shouting and they came to their aid but obviously this is worring.

They're amazingly self sufficient despite being in mid 80’s and to be honest, they will never move out of their home. My mum suffers with her mobility but manages with two sticks now. My dad is relatively ok although is just, basically, older now and is stiff and needs to lean on things to get out of chairs ect.

When I suggested an emergency button my mum vehemently said “no” and after looking at the subscription to these services (although affordable to them) are quite expensive and they wouldn’t agree to it.

But, after talking to my Dad I got him to agree to try an Alexa - hence my question.

thanks in advance ☺️

OP posts:
DavidBattenburgh · 04/01/2025 20:57

This sounds like a great idea. Could someone explain very simply to me how this would work? Could I equip my parents with an Alexa in each room and they can just shout Alexa phone David and they would get through? And does it work with google mini. And would they have to have a mobile phone attached to the WiFi?

Rainyblue · 04/01/2025 21:14

My concern with this is that I can find Alexa a bit temperamental at times and it doesn’t always understand what we are saying! Also you would need one in every single room?

My mum has had two falls in the garden - she wasn’t anywhere near a phone and luckily a neighbour found her. But I do understand that parents can be very resistant to these types of adaptations.

The thing that persuaded my mum to get a wearable alarm was a visit from someone from the local NHS ‘Falls Team’ which I arranged after she’d had a few falls.

But I guess an Alexa would be OK for now? Would they leave it connected and turned on?

NotMeNoNo · 04/01/2025 21:20

We had a complete failure with trying to install an Amazon Echo with PILs. Their mobile phone was too old to work properly with the app and they wouldn't consider upgrading. They had to sign up for an Amazon account which they were deeply suspicious of. Then they kept getting marketing emails and notifications that alarmed them and they couldn't understand how to delete or opt out of them. They didn't have any other alarm and MIL went on to have several falls at night where she couldn't wake FIL up..., but well they made their choices!

NotMeNoNo · 04/01/2025 21:22

Basically they would need a smart speaker, WiFi, and the mobile app/account to control it , so it could access contacts etc.

Bobbybobbins · 04/01/2025 21:42

It's a possibility but they can be temperamental. Tbh I would really focus on trying to get them to accept an emergency button of some kind. My DGM had one- was very unwilling at first but it meant she could call for help when she had a stroke.

minisoksmakehardwork · 04/01/2025 21:47

We have Alexa for my PIL but it's no good if we are not near Alexa. With the emergency button, they have 4 different people and all numbers they can contact. So the emergency button people can call their sons, me or bil's wife on mobile, home or work numbers until they get hold of someone. If they don't, they'll ring the emergency service. Alexa cannot do that. Yet.

PermanentTemporary · 04/01/2025 21:51

I personally think that Alexa can be great for drop-in conversations but isn't really a substitute for a pendant alarm. The classic places for falls would be bathrooms and stairs, and not even I have speakers there (we have about 5 of them).

When they say no to an alarm, have they said why? Tbh I'm a fan of a bit of emotional blackmail. What about they say no again to a wearable alarm and you just burst into tears? God knows it's such an unbelievably frustrating attitude.

Original poster
Thesquaregiraffe · 04/01/2025 21:54

I am about 70+ miles away so as long as they could get a message to me I could at least get them help between the time it would take me to get there.

My dad does have a smart phone but just can’t work it - he works a laptop well enough and has an Amazon account though.

My thoughts were, as long as the phone was powered and on (apart from it doing updates) then that might work.

I sort of have a plan that I will take my spare ones when I next visit and see if we can set them up (I have 3 so that covers two in the house and one in the garage).

I do understand the garden scenario though as they love their garden. Did wonder if I could use AirTags? What I don’t want is them to end up with my account on things as that would worry them.

Thank you all for your comments

OP posts:
saraclara · 04/01/2025 21:57

Pendant or wrist alarms are vastly better. My DH had one when I was nursing him through his terminal cancer. It meant I could go to the supermarket and do local essential errands without worrying. The whole package involved a key safe as well.
The numbers that the service had were prioritised. The first one was my neighbour across the road, who could get there the fastest (there was a separate setting for calling me within the house when I was home) Then my mobile number and so on. The emergency services had our key safe passcode on record, so if the alarm service people called them, paramedics could get in.

PermanentTemporary · 04/01/2025 21:59

Tbh in the meantime have they considered getting a physio in to work with them on getting up off the floor when they fall? Obviously won't help when they break a hip or have a stroke, but it's nonetheless good work to do.

saraclara · 04/01/2025 22:00

My very elderly but incredibly independent aunt has a pendant alarm. She fought it for a long time, and often wasn't wearing it when she capitulated and had one installed. But after a few falls, she's accepted it more, and now when I visit, she's always wearing it.

Coffeesnob11 · 04/01/2025 22:09

My perfectly healthy single 80 year old mother has just signed up for a wrist alarm just in case. It picks up your voice so much easier than Alexa and isn't too expensive per month. The watch is waterproof.

user1471453601 · 04/01/2025 22:11

Would your parents consider a rolator/rollator (not sure of the spelling) each? Like a Zimmer frame on wheels type of thing.

I'm Quite old and frail and I tend to"have a fall" every now and then as I have peripheral neuropathy.

A chair lift coupled with one of these upstairs and down has, so far (fingers crossed) kept me safe.

Original poster
Thesquaregiraffe · 04/01/2025 22:14

The problem is, I just know whatever they do, they will do it “their” way. We’ve had quite a few months of angst after my father bought a second had stair lift on eBay. Honestly, there is no telling them.

If alexa doesn’t do what I’m hoping it will, Amazon are really missing a trick with the technology as it would be absolutely ideal.

All that’s needed is something they can talk to, to say “ring xxx name” and it calls them.

Why do they get so stubborn when they get older haha! (Trying to see the lighter side of this).

OP posts:
minisoksmakehardwork · 04/01/2025 22:15

If you've already got the Alexa's the. Setting them up to show why they might not be useful in the event of a genuine emergency need is possibly the best you can hope for.

If it works, great. If it doesn't, you've the evidence you need to push the fall alarm.

I get that there's a monthly cost for the service, but is that really the price your parents would put on their own wellbeing.

Nefer795 · 04/01/2025 23:10

I set my mum up with Alexas as she was generally independent and fine, but had had a fall and then an incident when she'd been ill for some days - then found she was too weak to get out of the bath. You can set it to recognise the words Alexa help or Alexa emergency, then set the app to contact whatever number/numbers you choose. In my case I got instant notifications on any device with the Alexa app and on all my Alexa devices. She never needed to use it (we had a couple of trial runs so we knew it worked and what happened) but it gave us both a bit of security when she felt she didn't yet need a wearable device. We planned where the Alexas went carefully to make sure she could shout from the bath or the bottom of the stairs. It gave her back a little confidence in her own independence. She's now moved into a retirement place with warden assistance, and is missing being able to use her Alexa to control some of the lights!

shellyleppard · 04/01/2025 23:16

My dad has a home help pendant alarm. If he falls he presses it and he can talk to the operator. They will send someone out to help. Sorry not sure of the actual name. He's like your parents..... elderly and stubborn.🤔🫤

shellyleppard · 04/01/2025 23:22

Op its called the homeline system. He just rang me as he couldn't find his soap and flannel after a hospital stay..... bearing in mind I'm 150 miles away!!! 🤣🤣 I took his stuff home from hospital and he thought I knew where it was

rightoguvnor · 04/01/2025 23:37

My older sister uses the Apple Watch. If she falls, the watch actually says "it seems you've fallen, shall I call righto" and will phone me.
MIL has a pendant and home care line. If she activates the pendant, the control centre will try to contact her (and the sheltered housing warden if in office hours) and if no satisfaction they will ring us.
A friends mum has a thingy on her kettle plug that activates an app on my friends phone. So she knows her mum is up and making the tea every morning.
So many gizmos around.

olderbutwiser · 05/01/2025 00:02

Seriously, don’t pander to their refusal to get the tried and trusted technology of a careline alarm which will do everything they want Alexa to do and more. Didn’t they learn anything from their joint fall? What do they think you are going to do from 70 miles away if they fall again, or if the fire alarm goes off?

What are their arguments against? Carelines cost about £25/month; a fairly small part of the attendance allowance they should both be getting. Setting up Alexa in every room is going to be a logistical pain and will cost a fair bit too.

Honestly, don’t start down this route!

NetZeroZealot · 05/01/2025 10:35

It's all very well getting them a Careline pendant, but my DF refuses to wear his!

becs12131 · 08/01/2025 12:15

My parents also weren't keen on the use of an alarm so we focused on making their home a bit safer with different fall prevention aids instead, things like grab rails, non-slip mats, and motion-sensor lights etc which gave them a bit more confidence. Of course an alarm would be the safest option here, but we found this helpful for added peace of mind in the meantime.

This blog was quite helpful as it breaks down what is needed by room: www.completecareshop.co.uk/stories/how-to-prevent-falls-in-your-home

tougholdbirdy · 08/01/2025 12:33

Contact their local council. Ours provide and emergency call system involving pendants, wrist alarm, keysafe, emergency response etc. they come out and do assessment and arrange fitting etc. it also includes a fire safe check by the fire and rescue service.
If they do this the advice isn't coming from you but from an 'expert' . It's a lifesaver . Ive responded to a few calls recently and found my relative fallen.if I hadn't bern available emergency services would have been called who would had gained access via keysafe .

Unescorted · 08/01/2025 12:40

My mum has an Apple watch and i phone combination which is set up with a help me button that calls my brother. It also has a tracker in case she wanders off and monitors her heart rate (she has heart issues).

She was happy with it until she realised that it was helpful to keep her safe. Now it gets left in odd places

TeenToTwenties · 08/01/2025 15:41

I think both falling is quite unlucky / unusual.

My DPs have the following

  • a call button that just rings internal doorbells to alert the other
  • mobile phones with emergency buttons that DF takes on walks and DM has with her if left alone in the house (on a zimmer following fall and hip replacement). They can't really use the phones as phones, but if you press the button it phones/texts round family members until it gets answered.