How to tactfully tell DM her clothes are dirty?

[CrazyHorse]

In the last few months I've noticed DM wearing the same blouse for several days (often over a week) with food spills on. I took her to the GP a couple of months ago, and her trousers and top were both visibly grubby - she was then hospitalised and I was able to pop them in the wash. I just don't how to kindly point out to someone their clothes are grubby, and they should wash them more often. DH mentioned it to me, after she was with us for Christmas Day, so it's not just me being fussy.

I just take her up to her room and say "Let's get you something clean to wear." I'm very matter of fact and don't present it as an option but rather a given. She was meticulous before her dementia and I feel it's undignified for her to be knocking about in dirty clothes.

is she struggling to get changed maybe? Does she have clean clothes? Is she struggling with keeping on top of the washing?

How her eye sight?

Does her washing machine work?
Can she physically get the clothes in/out of it?
Any other things she is letting slip like eating out of date food?
Is she actually changing into PJ's at night, or sleeping in her day clothes?
Is her bedding clean?
Is she worried about the cost of doing a load of wash?
MIL has terrible arthritis in her shoulders and really struggles with basic things like dressing/doing a load of wash etc.
Could you offer to 'help' her with her washing whilst there and check her function of her doing it?

I think you need to ask some more questions. Tis is a sign that something isn't right.
Is she physically struggling to wash/change?
Is she sleeping in her clothes?
Dig a little. Your Mum is not coping.

There is a reason she isn't changing her clothes often. Is this new behaviour or would she always wear things for a few days?

Does she not remember she has worn them for days already? Could be dementia.

Does she not see they have food spills on? Could be eyesight issues.

Is she not keeping on top of washing, cleaning? Could be old age, general tiredness and frailty.

Does she definitely undress at night and then put them back on the next day or is she sleeping in them too? My grandmother reached the point where she slept in her clothes in an armchair and wasn't even going upstairs. She was moved to a care home shortly afterwards as she couldn't look after herself anymore.

I now do most of DM’s washing for her due to this exact issue. Constantly wearing food stained clothes and occasionally she’d smell of pee as she hadn’t changed her trousers🤦‍♀️

Don’t make a big fuss out of things and tell her that she’s wearing dirty clothes, just say that you’re helping out with the housework.

My mum went like this as her dementia developed. People just pretended not to notice she had food down her top for days on end - probably embarrassment, and not wanting to upset her (which they wouldn’t have done, as she had got to the point where she didn’t notice/care). Just get her something clean when you see it - but unfortunately in my experience this will get worse if she is left to her own devices on this.

@CrazyHorse makes me wonder if she is managing to shower or bathe??

She's definitely changing over night, but putting the same clothes back on the next day.

I've offered to change her duvet cover, although it seems clean enough, I suspect it's a big effort. She accepted help with this, but was supervising agile at changing it.

She's washing herself OK and her house is clean enough (she refuses to have a cleaner) at the moment it's only the dirty clothes. (Apart from and the awful dried up cheese in the fridge and out of date eggs, but that's been going on for years, and she knows my feelings on it -apparently I'm fussy.)

I might try @Tintackedsea approach this afternoon and say "It's time to change your top" although I'm going to feel very awkward.

Good luck op . I think it’s the right way to go about it .. being direct but kind

How often do you see her? Maybe kindly say oh there's a stain on that, we will have to pop it in the wash. It does sound like she needs carers at least once a day to keep an eye on.

You could buy some new eggs, throw her other ones out and put new ones back in the old box. I'd be more worried about food poisoning tbh. Just tell her you are putting on a load of washing so the clothes she's wearing might as well go in too. My dearest Aunty who was always a very smart lady got like this with Alzheimer's. My sister just used to say I'm putting on a load of my washing for you Aunty so I might as well pop your clothes in too.

Mum would undress at night and carefully fold her clothes rather than dropping them in the washing basket. In the morning she'd find her clothes all laid out for her and just pop them on, gravy stains and all. She wouldn't have her glasses on at that point and there were no mirrors downstairs. She was horrified when she did see the state of what she was wearing but had forgotten about it by the next morning so it would keep on happening.

Yes, I think this is what's happening!

I went round today and she's wearing all fresh clothes, so I'll have to brace myself for another day.