Am I going crazy!?!

[CleverGoldBalonz]

I would like an opinion on the below. I don't know whether I am being unreasonable with my feelings.

Backstory:
2024 has been a challenging year for me

• i had a major surgery in January due to a cancer scare, which turned out benign

-due to the first surgery, they found something else that needed major surgery which I had shortly after -we are on our ttc journey which has been a rollercoaster and i had a miscarriage in july -we started ivf in September with egg collection after the miscarriage -my mum also got admitted into the hospital in April with gastro issues. Luckily nothing major

Due to full on year we decided to book tickets to celebrate Christmas with hubby's family UK. His mum isn't doing well unfortunately and we hadn't seen them in 10 years. Also, to end the year on a high, we did an elopment wedding before going to see the family so we could celebrate with them in uk. Our big wedding was planned for 2020 which got canceled due to covid.

Whilst we are in UK with my husbands family, my mum in USA goes in for a colonscopy and they find a lump a week before Christmas. They took a biopsy and luckily it came back benign but they booked her in for surgery on the 30th December to get rid of it. She had the option to move the surgery which she didn't which I somewhat understand due to being put on a waiting list etc but then she didn't want to put her dogs in a kennel and rushed us back home to look after the dogs. She would have been fine surgery wise coz they would have kept her in the hospital anyways for 5 days and we could have come a bit after new years to pick her up from hospital and take care of her. But now we are rushed home because she doesn't want to put the bloody dogs in the kennel. We are spending new years eve on a plane and new years day in the immigration line at the airport.

I have major feelings of anger and frustration that I have had a shit year already and now i cant even have my honeymoon without having to deal with the mums issues. I do feel alot of empathy and compassion ofcourse but also just frustration that the surgery could have been moved or the dogs could have been put in the kennel, and we could have spent a bit more time with my husband family while she was in hospital. I am an only child fyi. I just feel like it was selfish and I can't forgive her for it atm.

Why did you not say “Sorry I can’t help until x date”

You need boundaries. She had two other options.

You need to be firm. It's probably too late for this time, but next time remember there are options such as kennels and stay firm. Don't change your plans for someone else's dogs.

It's hard coming from asian culture to say no to parents. And its always just been me and her, as my parents are divorced, so I always have a soft spot. But I am conscious that this left a bitter taste in my husband mouth who is also usually tolerant of her. I think 2025 is going to be a year of boundaries. During a phone call before Christmas she threw a tantrum about everyone asking when I was flying back and oh what about the dogs. Then when i said i will come later coz now know its not cancer, its a relief for all of us and she will need to stay in the hospital anyways, she made scathing/rude toned comments like "have a great holiday, i will be fine in surgery"..

So after we booked the tickets to rush back home, her tone changed and she felt bad.

”I am recovering from surgery and won’t be remotely useful until after X date. I have been told by doctors that I can’t cook, clean, lift or drive. You will have to pay for a nurse or wait until I have medical clearance to help you.”

You should have just said no.

I understand that it's hard to say no to parents in Asian culture but cultures can be changed. The more you and others say no to your parents the more likely it is that the culture will become one where people CAN say no to parents

So you haven't seen DH family for 10 years and you are rushing back to dog sit ? Sorry but deciding to set boundaries in 2025 is a bit late. If this was a reverse MN would be awash with how unreasonable / awful / Complete t*t the DH was. What ever your culture this is really unfair on your DH and his family.