Not a parent but a very proud man who needs a hearing aid

[Brayscurlydogness77]

Can anyone help me please?

I employ a very proud retired agricultural worker to help me with my animals while I am away.

I have the greatest of respect for this person, for his work ethic, skill, expertise and good humour in the face of quite a few health challenges.

He is the patriarch of his family, extremely tough and equates any sort of illness with weakness.

The trouble is that he desperately needs a hearing aid. I can’t communicate with him on the phone. His family have spoken to him about this and he has refused to listen (yes rather ironic in circumstances 😆).

Someone else he works for, has also tried to tell him and she is someone who is quite authoritative, and he has refused to listen to her as well.

It’s getting to the point where it’s not only inconvenient because of the phone issue, but is also developing in to a dangerous situation because he can’t hear the animals approaching him at speed. He also drives and it must be difficult in certain situations in the road too.

Can anyone help please with a strategy? What do I do? The last thing I want to do is cause him offence. Should I write a letter? He’s fairly taciturn and doesn’t engage in a lot of conversation at the best of times, but when he does speak, he just says what he wants to say and pretends to hear our response.

I’d be very grateful for any advice please.

Driving isn't an issue, those who are profoundly or completely deaf are allowed to drive so no, do not follow the advice to contact his surgery and say you are concerned about him driving!

That’s your advice? To contact his doctor and say he can’t drive due to hearing loss? Do you think I that deaf people aren’t allowed to drive? What an odd thing to believe.

I wouldn't employ someone I couldn't communicate with, it's pointless and exhausting.

Does he wear glasses?

Point out the real links with developing dementia. Make an appointment and insist he goes with you. An audiologist will explain.

The OP’s comment about his driving seems to come from a place of total ignorance. They haven’t said they are actually concerned about his driving or anything he has done whilst driving, just that they believe it must be difficult with hearing loss.

People with hearing loss can drive. The OP being ignorant doesn’t excuse other posters agreeing and telling them to contact this man’s doctor.

That would be entirely inappropriate. You can't go around making medical appointments for employees without their consent, you can't insist they go to an appointment, and you certainly can't insist on attending with them.

I think the thing to do would be to explain that you really value his work, experience and expertise, but that in order to keep employing him, you need him to get a hearing aid. They are free on the NHS.

Men very often take years and years to get one, but they are really good.

They have bluetooth now, so you can also listen to the cricket on them, while pretending to listen to someone who is talking to you. What's not to like?

He’s an adult and responsible for his own health and care. You are an employer who has responsibility for health and safety at his workplace.

Explain, in writing, that unless he takes steps to correct his hearing within X time frame, you will not be able to fulfil your duty of care, and will be giving him notice.

I speak as the long-suffering wife of a man who denied he needed hearing aids at all for ten years, and then denied he needed them recalibrated for another five. He only took action both times when I stopped doing anything (telling him what others said, repeating announcements on trains and at airports, interceding with shop staff, repeating myself…) that helped him get by without consequences.

Free on the NHS but I've been waiting 13 months for mine. It's not that easy.

^ This

Rather than telling him what to do - that he needs a hearing aid for his safety and health -which doesn’t seem to have worked for his family or his other employer, you could try telling him how much you need him. As you’ve said here, you need him to look after your animals, you rely on his expertise and skill and you know you never have to worry about your animals when he’s in charge of them. You want him working for you. Communication is getting difficult and he can’t always hear your animals. You don’t want him hurt by one of your animals playing silly buggers because then who would look after them when you were away.

I think the thing to do would be to explain that you really value his work, experience and expertise, but that in order to keep employing him, you need him to get a hearing aid. They are free on the NHS. Not a hearing aid, but a hearing assessment, to satisfy you that he has the necessary hearing to hear the animals

TheRoundaboutHadLovelyFlowers

Thank you very much indeed for this advice.

I really like the way you worded it. I’m going to approach it in the way you have suggested.

Thank you also to Birdscratch and all of the other really helpful replies.

Apologies also if my comment about hearing loss and driving caused offence which was totally unintentional on my part.

I am indeed coming at this issue from a position of ignorance which is why I am asking for advice.

Seriously? I got a hearing test appointment within a week of being referred by my GP, and they fitted them straight away. Quite a few opticians offer the same service - I think Specsavers do.

Could it be a cost issue? Mine are too of the range but they cost £4000 for the pair. Could you offer to pay for them as a bonus?

I spent years of being accused of mumbling by my mum, the TV on full blast, me having to repeat everything I said.... after about 6yrs I stopped repeating myself, stopped telling her what other people were saying.
It got to the point where I said "your hearing loss is not my problem"
She had NHS hearing aids for a while, then paid for some from Boots when they were on offer.. we were both frustrated, me having to repeat everything, and her struggling to hear... things are so much better now she has the hearing aids

Actually that’s a really good point which I hadn’t thought of.

Thank you very much winterdarkness

I could indeed offer to pay as long as I can do it in a way that is sensitive and does not cause him further offense