Supporting depressed parent

[PinkChocolate24]

Hi, just looking for some advice. My mum is late 70s and is extremely depressed, dealing with the death and related issues (major debts left behind) of her sibling overseas. It’s taken over her life. She barely leaves the house but manages to look after herself ok e.g. washing etc…It’s affecting her physical health too- with constant stomach upsets due to the stress.

I feel so much anger towards her sibling for leaving such a huge mess behind and so much sadness that my mum’s last few years are being taken up with this. I’m trying to help as best as I can but what else can I do?

You can be a good daughter, offering a friendly ear and a practical hand/advice.

However, it’s important to remember that you are not responsible for your mother’s happiness, so please don’t fall into the trap of endless visits, phone calls, organising of activities and generally being at your mother’s beck and call.

Ultimately, your mother’s happiness will emerge once she’s dealt with the aftermath, the grief, and starts to step out and live life again. These things take time.

Is she legally responsible to repay the siblings debts?

Yes I was wondering this, too.

She shouldn't be responsible for a siblings debts. If this is the reason for her distress you need legal advice.

Apparently so according to the overseas country, it defers onto the legal heir. We have some money from the deceased to pay, but nowhere near enough.

That seems unlikely. Certainly not impossible - legal systems do vary - but it's far more usual for the heir or executor be responsible for repaying as much debt as possible from the estate, but for the debt itself not to transfer. If you weren't party to accruing the debt, it's not reasonable to be responsible for paying it.

So as a first step I'd say get independent legal advice.

After that, I agree with the PP - offer practical assistance with the source of the problem if you can, and a listening ear, but try not too get drawn in emotionally.

As far as i am aware the jurisdiction of the Country your aunt died in does not extend to your mother, who does not reside there.

They, (whoever they are) would have to try to enforce the debt in a UK court which would not succeed in doing as UK law would apply.

It sounds like womesoever is owed money is trying it on.

I’ve just had a look at some international tax law. In quite a few countries such as Germany, France and Italy, acceptance of an inheritance means automatic acceptance and personal liability for the deceased’s debts. In these countries, you can choose to reject the inheritance if the deceased’s liabilities exceed the deceased’s assets.

It is possible the mother accepted the inheritance thinking the debts had been settled first from the deceased’s estate before the rest is dispersed per the will (as is the case in the UK).